


Lean On Me

by FruitsOfPassion



Category: Free!
Genre: Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Violence, nitorin - Freeform, rintori - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-19
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-13 02:05:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 51,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1208779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FruitsOfPassion/pseuds/FruitsOfPassion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With every bruise, every flinch, every fake smile, every closed off conversation Rin could tell something was wrong with Nitori. Something was hurting him yet the other boy never admitted, instead continued the charade that he was happy until he can no longer keep it inside and he reaches breaking point.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Rin watched the other boy in his bedroom, completely oblivious to the set of eyes on his back, observing his every movement, glaring as the younger boy stared down at his phone.

Nitori was texting his English tutor again, the regret sat heavy in Rin's stomach with every tinkle from the phone. When he'd been asked by the younger boy for help in English he'd flat out refused, not wanting to waste his time on a hopeless student.

So, instead, Nitori had gone to see Mikoshiba, who had suggested a friend of his and thus Nitori now had some third year teaching him.

It hadn't bothered Rin at first but soon Nitori was gushing about his latest senpai, he adored him. Granted it was not as much as he adored Rin but it was still enough to anger him. Nitori just seemed to worship anyone older than him, who had a skill that he craved. It was probably the reason he followed Rin around, complimenting him, supporting him, despite the fact he'd done nothing to earn such loyalty.

Kai-senpai.

It was a name that Rin was hearing far too frequently around his room.

Kai-senpai.

It had taken weeks for Rin to finally get Nitori to go from Matsuoka-senpai to Rin-senpai, and even now he still slipped up on occasion. And yet, Kai-senpai had been on a first name basis as soon as he met Nitori, obviously taking quite a shining to Nitori, but then Rin could hardly blame him. He was sunny, friendly, always had a smile on his face, it was almost impossible to dislike him.

It seemed, that all the things that Rin liked about Nitori, Kai thought exactly the same and wasn't shy about showing it, and that was what annoyed Rin the most.

_Kai-senpai says I'm really smart and I'm making great progress._

_Kai-senpai says when I smile it lights up a room._

_Kai-senpai says I look really cute when I'm concentrating._

_Kai-senpai says he can't help but smile when I laugh._

_Kai-senpai says he really enjoys my company._

And although Rin didn't begrudge the boy compliments, he deserved them more than anyone, he just hated the source at which they came from.

Nobody should make Nitori blush, fluster as he smiles except Rin. He knew it was pathetic and overly possessive considering their relationship had only just strayed from roommates to friends but he still felt like Nitori was his.

He was his little shadow whenever he turned around, his little smiling face early in the mornings, his tired little eyes at night, his little ray of sunshine if he'd had a particularly hard day.

But recently he seemed to be straying, spending more time with his tutor than was necessary for a simple educational relationship.

"Is it normal for a tutor to text you at half seven at night?" Rin asked, finally breaking the silence between them.

"Eh?" Nitori asked, finally pulling his gaze away from his phone. "How did you know it was Kai-senpai?"

"Just a wild guess." He shrugged, knowing full well Kai was the only one who text Nitori so frequently.

"Oh, okay." Nitori said, turning towards his phone again as the familiar jingle filled the room, causing Rin to sigh and turn his back towards him.

He forced his eyes shut as he listened to the tap of keys as Nitori typed out a reply, the familiar creak of his chair as he forced himself up, the pad of his feet as he walked towards the bed.

"Matsuoka-senpai?" He asked, Rin cringing slightly at the name.

"What?" He answered roughly, refusing to look at the other boy.

"Can I ask you something?" Rin could hear the embarrassment in his voice, the slight shuffling indicating he was toeing the floor with nerves.

"Sure." He said, slightly softer, turning over on his bed.

"How can you tell if someone is flirting with you?" Nitori's small voice questioned, eyes never leaving the floor.

"What?" Rin exclaimed, eyes widening slightly at the question. "Why do you need to know?"

"Kai-senpai text me to ask to go around to see a movie and I just think that he's…" Nitori trailed off, not ready to admit someone might be flirting with him. "But I'm not sure. What do you think?"

Rin suddenly felt himself being blinded by Nitori's phone, thrust into his face. With a groan he reached out and grabbed the phone, taking the opportunity to read over the sort of conversations Kai was having with his Nitori.

As he read Rin could see that Kai was quite blatantly flirting with the younger boy, Nitori completely unaware that he was harmlessly flirting back. What Nitori considered friendly this sleaze would clearly take as a green light.

"No, he's not flirting with you." He lied, hoping to nip this potentially blooming relationship in the bud.

"You're sure?" Nitori questioned, taking his phone back from Rin's outstretched arm.

"Positive. It's just friendly banter." He decided, although saying Nitori looked good in his skin tight swimsuit wasn't what he considered to be 'friendly banter'.

"So it would be okay if I went round his tonight?" He tentatively asked, wanting his senpai's opinion before he committed.

"Do whatever you want." Rin shrugged, acting as if the thought of spending a night alone didn't bother him in the slightest.

"It should be fine, you and me watch films alone all the time and it doesn't mean anything." Nitori mumbled, slightly watching Rin out the corner of his eye.

The older boy was completely unaware of the gaze, and that his response to Nitori's statement would determine whether he went out tonight or not.

"Exactly, it means nothing." Rin harshly bite out, once again turning his back towards the younger boy.

"Alright." Nitori sighed, turning his attention back to the phone. "I guess I'll go then."

"Great." He huffed, folding his arms across his chest as the familiar tap of Nitori's fingers against his phone echoed in his ears.

…

Rin listened for the past half an hour as Nitori flitted around their room, the overpowering smell of his shower gel floating in from the bathroom. He felt like he was watching the other boy get ready for a date as he primped and preened himself for movies.

He painstakingly watched as Nitori worried about what shirt to wear, made sure his hair fell in the perfect place, made sure his teeth were clean and breath minty fresh before he squeezed his eyes shut to block it out.

Without opening his eyes, Rin could judge just by the creaks of the floorboards exactly where Nitori was, he'd left the bathroom and headed for the door, the lack of noise indicating that he was hesitating.

"Have fun." Rin croaked, his voice hoarse from not being used for such an extended period of time.

"Thanks Matsuoka-senpai. I will." Nitori quietly replied before slipping out the room, pulling the door behind him with a click.

Rin lay in the silence for a while, his own breathing the only sound to be heard until he moved, he would not lie pathetically waiting until Nitori returned he would do something, take his mind off the smarmy boy entertaining him for the night.

He'd take a run, clear his head and hopefully tire him out so he could sleep without worrying constantly about Nitori. He pushed himself off the bed and went to grab his jacket, hanging off his desk from where he'd thrown it earlier.

As he flicked his jacket through the air, Rin managed to knock Nitori's precarious tower of books and watched as they all sloped to the floor. With a groan, he walked over the books planning to clear the mess but instead he kicked them across the floor in frustration, gaining immense satisfaction from watching as the pages scattered.

Before he could stop himself, he threw his arm across the wooden top sending more papers flying and the cow teddy Nitori was overly attached to. His pens and pencils noisily clattered to the ground and a mug smashed against the laminate flooring that he wasn't even aware was on the desk until this moment.

Rin clenched his fists at his side, watching as the cold tea spread across the floor from the now broken mug. Half of him itched to clean up the mess, organise the room to relieve his stress and the other needed to get out. And with his jacket clutched tightly in his hand that side won out.

Slinging it over his tank top he fled from the room, trying to get his mind off the disorder and Nitori a few doors down.

…

When Rin returned the room was still in the same chaos as when he left, and still missing one bubbly boy. He sighed and walked towards his bed, ignoring how his foot slightly stuck to the floor as the tea dried.

He threw himself down onto the bed as the springs creaked under his weight, he wished he could hear the same noise from above. Confirming Nitori was home and that he was safe. Instead he was met with more silence, some nights he prayed for this as he heard Nitori prattle on about his day or snuffle in his sleep but now that he got it he wished it would go away.

The sound of key in a lock caused his heart to leap into his throat and beat in double time.

"Eh?" Nitori cried out, taking in the destruction of their room. "What happened?"

He pulled the door shut after himself, carefully avoiding the broken ceramic on the floor.

"I'm tired of you leaving your shit everywhere." Rin bluffed, refusing to admit to himself why all Nitori's belongings were spread across their room.

"Oh, right. Sorry senpai." He apologised, walking over to the older boy's bed and perching on the end.

Rin watched him confused, wondering why instead of protesting or pouting that Rin had ruined his stuff Nitori just stared at his lap, mindlessly twiddling his fingers.

"Are you okay?" Rin asked, pushing himself into a seated position.

"Huh?" Nitori mumbled, looking up and into Rin's worried eyes. "Oh, yeah I'm fine."

He smiled at Rin but they'd be friends long enough to tell it was fake, his eyes looked different, their usual sparkle not there. They seemed dulled, Rin unsure if it was due to the film or something that had happened that night.

"Was the film good?" He questioned.

"Erm, yeah. It was about some cowboy and a giant spider or something like that." He answered vaguely, he'd hardly paid much attention to the film after all.

"What happened tonight?" Rin pried, hoping to find out what had upset him so much.

"Nothing, we watched a movie and…" Nitori trailed off, gaze dropping back to his hands.

"And what?"

"You know before I left you said Kai-senpai wasn't flirting with me?" He nervously brought up their old conversation.

"Yes?" Rin's stomach lurched slightly, not liking where this conversation was headed.

"Well it turns out you were wrong, he was... He kissed me… We kissed." He corrected quickly.

"He did what?" Rin almost shouted, forcing himself to remain calm on the outside despite the storm inside.

"Yeah, it was nice. I think." He said, hand shaking slightly as he brought them up to scratch his nose.

"What do you mean you think?" Rin questioned, his voice dangerously low.

"Well I didn't have much of a choice." He admitted, bringing his legs up and resting his chin on his knees, Rin growing angrier with each of his words. "The film had barely started and he was pushing me down on his bed, I had to kiss him really but that's just what Kai-senpai's like. He's passionate and goes after what he wants."

"Nitori, if you don't like him that way he shouldn't have forced himself on you." Rin told him, worrying that Kai was going to take advantage of the innocent boy.

"He didn't force himself on me, he checked that we weren't going too far and stopped when I asked."

Nitori continued to defend him but Rin barely heard, his mind already imagined the older boy pushing Nitori, seeing how far he could get without even considering the other's feelings.

"But if he likes me I should be flattered. He was probably nervous and didn't know how to express his feelings. Right?" Nitori turned towards Rin, his eyes wide with question, begging for reassurance from someone he trusted.

Rin floundered slightly, his mouth uselessly hanging open. Was it just a grand gesture of love and his jealous mind had clouded his thoughts making it into something far more sinister? Did this boy truly care for Nitori? Love him in the way he deserved rather than sporadically depending on a certain someone's mood or temper?

"It depends really." Rin finally managed. "Do you like him?"

"I'm not sure." He thought for a moment before carefully responding. "I might do."

"Well if you're not sure you shouldn't just kiss someone because you're flattered they like you. It doesn't work that way." Rin sighed, knowing Nitori that would do anything to please his senpai was partly the reason he'd held himself back for so long.

"I guess so." Nitori quietly replied, nervously pulling at his trouser leg. "I think I'm going to go to bed now."

"Okay." Rin smiled slightly, watching as the small boy untangled himself and stood tall.

Silently, Nitori pulled his jeans off, not bothering to change into his usual baggy night wear, instead dragging himself up the ladder in the shirt and boxers he was currently wearing.

"Night Rin-senpai." Nitori whispered once in his own bed.

"Night Ai." Rin whispered back, listening to the sounds of bed springs shifting and Nitori's gentle snuffling as they lulled him to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you're probably thinking the whole Nitori dating someone pushy and abusive is overdone but I really wanted to give it shot so let me know your thoughts :)
> 
> Good? Bad?
> 
> Also I was debating about names between the name I gave it or Share Your Pain. What do you think? Or do you have your own suggestions? I'm not sure what to call it really so any help will be appreciated :)


	2. Chapter 2

Rin burst through the cold water, inhaling deeply to catch his breath as he pulled his goggles off his eyes. He glanced towards Nitori to get his time and found himself freezing at the boys smile, practically radiating pride. His eyes sparkled, as they often did after he'd watched Rin swim, and soon all the voices around him became distant murmurs as all Rin could focus on was the other boy.

"Well done Matsuoka-senpai! You managed to shave two seconds off your time!" Nitori shouted, bouncing on his feet in excitement for the older boy.

"Great." He mumbled, shooting a grateful smile at Nitori.

He turned his body around, ready to start another lap when a loud voice called out to him.

"Senpai! No!" Nitori said, trying to look stern but still look hopelessly adorable. "You're going to over work yourself."

"One more lap won't kill me." Rin huffed, secretly enjoying the fuss Nitori was making over his wellbeing.

"You said that last time and I had to get Mikoshiba to help pull you out." Nitori said, Rin groaning slightly at the reminder.

"Alright, fine! I'm getting out." He groaned, pulling himself out the pool and accepting the towel Nitori held out for him.

"Good." Mikoshiba commented, having listened to their whole exchange. "You can hit the showers."

"See? Even Captain thinks you should rest." Nitori smugly smiled, Rin rolling his eyes at the young boys antics.

As Rin walked towards the exit of the pool he heard Mikoshiba's voice boom out again, wincing slightly at the volume.

"Nitori! You hit the showers too, you've worked hard enough today."

Rin found himself freezing at the statement, while he couldn't exactly disagree with what was said as Nitori was swimming faster than he'd ever seen before, he still didn't want to be alone with a naked, wet Nitori.

Since his relationship with Kai had taken off Rin found his feelings for the younger boy confusing. He wanted to hold Nitori and never let go yet at the same time he wanted to distance himself from him. He felt a possessive pull towards him, wanting to keep him close at all times and stop him from ever going near the older boy, but sadly he just had to take a step back. Watch as Nitori would float around on his own little cloud, forgetting who he was before his world became about his boyfriend.

Rin hated the word, Kai didn't deserve that position, he didn't appreciate Nitori enough, he took his perfection for granted barely registering how lucky he was.

"Come on senpai." Nitori giggled, pulling slightly on Rin's arm as he still stood frozen to his spot.

"Yeah, sure." He mumbled uncomfortably, trying to ignore the sparks from the younger boys touch.

…

Rin stared hard at the dial of the shower, refusing to acknowledge the boy showering not too far from him, his sweet voice singing off key as he rinsed.

He was finished with his wash, Rin had always been fast, opposed to Nitori who'd only just started to wash his hair, he'd been known to spend great lengths of time under the hot spray. But now he couldn't leave, the moment he turned he'd be faced with Nitori naked, his body dripping with water, muscles clenching as he washed the soap away.

He'd just have to get out quick, keep his eyes down and he'd be fine. He quickly glanced over his shoulder to check Nitori was distracted and almost regretted the action immediately.

Once he'd looked he found himself unable to pull his gaze away, instead letting his eyes trail over his body and take in every small detail. The slightly darker shade of his hair once it was wet, the muscles that were beginning to develop on his shoulders, the mole at the bottom of his back, the curve to his spine that made his pert bottom seem even more appealing, the supple legs that appeared long despite his height, the arch of his feet that wrinkled slightly as he rose on his toes to get closer to the spray.

Rin forced himself to look down, no longer staring at the poor, oblivious boy in the room with him, stopping his hands yearning to reach out and pull in the warmth of Nitori. With a groan he practically ran from the showers, ignoring the confused calls after him as he departed.

He let his body drop onto one of the benches in the changing room, gazing at the ceiling as he took deep breaths to control his mind.

The sound of wet feet padding across the floor filled his ears, Rin suppressed a groan at the sound, knowing exactly who would be causing the noise.

"Are you alright Matsuoka-senpai?" Nitori asked, concern lacing his voice.

"Yeah, just a little hot." He said, hoping to brush off his flushed cheeks.

"You sure?" He probed, adjusting the towel around his waist, Rin hating the small part of himself that wished it would fall.

"Honestly, think I just need a lie down." He shrugged, acting as if he wasn't bothered.

"I told you not to overwork yourself." Nitori scolded, walking over to the haphazard pile of clothes he had left in his hast to get in the pool.

Rin followed suit and soon began dressing himself, stood far too close to Nitori to relax. He tried to keep his gaze forward, he really did, but he soon found his eyes drifting to the right, slyly watching as the younger boy changed with no inhibitions.

"What you doing tonight Nitori?" Rin found himself asking, hoping for once he'd be there rather than with Kai.

"Nothing I don't think." Nitori replied, pulling his shirt on over his head. "Why?"

"I was just wondering." He casually shrugged, fighting to keep a smile down. "Since we'll both be in why don't we watch a movie?"

"Really?" He gushed, turning towards Rin with sparkling eyes.

"Sure, why not?" Rin smiled, feeling himself get caught up in the other boy's excitement.

…

They'd managed to get a third of the way through the film before Nitori's phone began to tinkle at the arrival of a text, Rin grumbling to himself in annoyance as he knew who would be the cause.

"Ah, sorry senpai." He apologised, glancing down at the phone and quickly replying.

But that wasn't the end of it, his phone continued to cry out as he was bombarded with texts, the dull tap of fingers as he replied grating on Rin's last nerve. He clenched his teeth tightly as Nitori's attention was once again taken from him.

"Matsuoka-senpai?" His nervous questioned, glancing up at him through his too long bangs.

"What?" Rin growled back, angrily slamming his hand down on his laptop to pause the film, Nitori jumping slightly at the sound.

"That was Kai-chan." He said, gesturing to his phone.

"Shocker." He rolled his eyes.

"Well, he wants me to come over. I tried to tell him I was busy but he said it was really important so I better go. I don't want you to think I'm ditching you, and you know I wouldn't unless it was absolutely necessary. If you'd rather I'd stay with you then I will as we did make the plans first." Nitori rambled, Rin wishing he could press his lips to the others just to get him to stop.

"It's fine." Rin cut in, finding another way to stop him.

"It is?" He asked, finally looking the other in the eye.

"If Kai needs to see you then he needs to see you." He shrugged, pushing himself off his bed, leaving Nitori sat alone.

"Okay then, I guess I'll leave." He said dejectedly, sliding off the bed towards the door.

Rin fell back on his bed, grabbing his laptop as he went down. He opened up a document and started working, hoping to distract himself from his annoyance. He continued to stare hard at his screen as he noticed Nitori out the corner of his eye, glancing over his shoulder at the door, almost looking with longing at the other boy, but it was short lived before he slipped out the room.

…

Nitori knocked on Kai's door, which was promptly thrown open as if he's been waiting on the other side for him. He quickly found himself being gathered up in two strong arms and warm lips pressed against his own. He felt the familiar forceful tongue push inside, taking over his mouth, choking him, until the moment he needed to breath and he would be released.

"What did you need?" Nitori asked, trying to step back but the grip around him never loosened.

"Nothing, I just wanted to see you." Kai smiled down at the boy.

"You said it was important." He frowned slightly.

"It was." He said, squeezing him tightly, Nitori feeling as if he were suffocating in his embrace.

"But I left Matsuoka-senpai for this." He moaned, burying his head in his chest. "We were having a movie night."

"You were with Rin?" Kai asked, his voicing losing the playful tone from earlier.

"Yeah." He responded.

"Just the two of you?" He continued his questioning.

"Yeah." Nitori hesitantly replied, feeling Kai tense against him at the answer.

Kai's hand slowly made its way from his waist towards his neck, snaking into his hair, his fingers spreading deep into his silver locks. Suddenly his hand closed into a fist, grabbing a clump of hair as he did.

He roughly pulled on the hair until Nitori was forced to look up, tears forming in the corner of his eyes are the throbbing sensation.

"I don't want you to be alone with him." He warned, giving a quick pull on his hair.

"I have to. He's my roommate." He said, his voice shaky.

"Don't answer me back." He shouted, his hand releasing the hair.

Before Nitori could even register the relief on his scalp the back of Kai's hand slapped across his cheek, the force causing him to stumble across the room. He looked back at Kai, his eyes wide with confusion and betrayal.

He cowered slightly as Kai walked closer to him, eyes frantically searching for a way out but soon his whole vision was filled with Kai, towering over him.

"You are not to be alone with him unless it's to sleep." Kai told him, his breathing ragged and harsh with anger.

"But…" Nitori began to protest however he was soon cut off by a hand coming back into contact with his still stinging cheek.

He stumbled again, his feet getting caught up in a pair of discarded shoes causing his body to fall to the ground, adding to his pain.

Nitori pushed himself up onto his elbows, hissing as they shook as he raised his cheek off the hard wood floor. He felt Kai bend down next to him and he clenched his eyes shut, wishing he was still sat on Rin's bed, laughing at the antics of the main character in the film, subconsciously snuggling into Rin's pillow as he grew tired.

"When I tell you to do something, you don't answer back. Do you understand?" Kai calmly asked.

Nitori nodded slightly, eyes flying open as he felt his chin being grabbed and his face being brutally pulled to look up at Kai.

"Do you understand?" He shouted, leaning in close.

"Y-yes." Nitori stuttered.

"Good." Kai said, pushing Nitori's face away from him. "Now get out of here, you make me sick."

He stood tall again and walked over to his bed, grabbing a magazine off the duvet and mindlessly flicking though it, ignoring the trembling boy on his floor.

When he felt sure that he wouldn't hurt him again, Nitori scrambled to his feet and ran from the room, powering down the corridors, knocking people out his way until the cool night air surrounded him.

He kept running once he was outside, he overlooked the burn in his muscles, the erratic beat of his heart ringing in his ears, the breaths that he struggled to take. He just kept going until the sounds of the dorms could no longer be heard, until the overgrown trees blocked out the light, until the pounding of feet on concrete was replaced by the crunch of twigs and leaves.

For the second time that night Nitori fell to the ground, his wrists taking the brute of his weight as he took large gulps of air to calm himself down.

His eyes were wide as he stared at the ground, the sting of unshed tears burning at him but he was too shocked to let them fall. His mind was whirling as he tried to process what happened, work out what had made Kai act that way, understand why he had so little trust in him that he wasn't allowed to be alone with Rin.

Nitori felt the wet mud seeping through his clothes, making his skin cold, but he couldn't move, he didn't want to move. The thought of going back made him feel sick, what if Kai was waiting for him? What if he hurt Rin? What if he threatened him? Forced Rin to leave him forever?

He clenched his eyes shut at the thoughts. To protect Rin he would do what Kai wanted, anything to protect Rin.

…

After finally calming down Nitori had made his way back to his room, freezing when he reached his door. If Rin saw him like this he'd know something was wrong, the mud and grass stains would be impossible to hide and he could only imagine how red his cheek was.

Hesitantly he opened the door and stepped inside, sighing with relief when he saw Rin lying face down on his bed in front of his laptop, soft snores escaping his lips, hands still poised over the keys.

Nitori smiled at the sight, before slowly walking over to the sleeping boy. He reached his hand out, ready to stroke his soft, red tresses when his mind was filled with Kai's face. The pure anger in his eyes when he'd warned Nitori, the pain that had coursed through his body from his touch.

He pulled his hand back with a gasp, running towards the bathroom and locking the door behind him. He turned on the shower and as if a wall broke inside him the tears finally fell. He jumped under the spray, wanting to wash away the whole evening from his skin, from his clothes, from his memory.

He sobbed loudly as the shower drenched him, his head resting against the wall as his tears mixed in with water spilling all over his body. His breath came out in quick burst as he fought to gain control of his emotions again.

He brought his hand up to his mouth, hoping to muffle his cries but it didn't seem to work, they continued to echo off the walls of the bathroom. He let his knees drop out from underneath him until he was lying flat on the shower floor, knees held close to his chest as the tears continued to seep out his eyes.

…

Rin felt himself being shaken awake, his bleary vision filled with Nitori's face, except it lacked the usual happiness. Instead he was met with raw eyes, a red cheek and a slightly quivering lip.

"Are you okay?" Rin asked, rubbing away the sleep as he pushed himself into a seated position.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He lied, it was obvious but he clearly didn't want to talk about it and Rin respected that.

"What time is it?" He enquired, tactfully changing the subject.

"About half two." Nitori told him, glancing slightly at the clock in their room. "I know it's late senpai, but do you think we could watch the rest of the movie?"

"Erm, sure." Rin said, slightly confused at the request.

"Thank you." He smiled slightly, quickly climbing onto the bed next to him.

Rin quickly set up the film and placed his laptop on the chair before moving to lean against the wall. He felt the bed dip as Nitori shuffled closer to him until their bodies were pressed against each other.

He'd never allowed himself to be that close to Nitori on his bed but he couldn't enjoy the moment as he felt his body trembling slightly as he sat there. He longed to ask him what had happened, why his eyes sparkled with tears rather than joy but instead he let the boy watch the film, let it distract him from whatever pain he was feeling.

Nitori let his head drop until it was resting against Rin's shoulder, he pretended that this wasn't an unusual act for him to do and in turn Rin pretended he couldn't feel the stray tears falling from his eyes.

After a while the shaking and tears ceased, Rin glanced down to see Nitori's eyes firmly closed, the relief evident on his face as sleep had finally claimed him.

Reaching forward, Rin shut off the film and grabbed his blanket in the same movement. He draped it over Nitori and manoeuvred their bodies until they both rested on his pillow, facing each other.

Rin lay there for a while, watching the gentle rise and fall of Nitori's chest as he slept, feeling his soft breaths against his cheeks, stroking his smooth skin that was exposed around his stomach.

He debated with himself, wanting to stay in his own bed, wrap his arms around Nitori's small body and hold him close, stop anything upsetting him again. Refusing to let Kai take away his smile as he always managed to do. But instead he rolled away from the sleeping boy and out the bed, groaning slightly as he stretched his body.

It would always end the same way, no matter how he wished he could stay with Nitori the rational part of his mind always won out and he'd leave. Give up his own comforts for Nitori, never wanting to disturb the other boy, let him sleep peacefully as Rin worked around his needs.

He dragged himself up the ladder then let his body flop into the bed, his head burying deep in the pillow and taking a breath, relishing in the familiar scent that filled his senses.

Although he wished he could have the real thing this was the second best and all he would ever get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it. I've never really written an abusive relationship before so please forgive me if it's completely terrible!


	3. Chapter 3

Rin dragged himself out of bed, remembering just in time that he was on the top bunk opposed to his own before he went hurtling towards the ground. He sleepily climbed down the ladder, glancing quickly towards the lump in his bed. He was shocked to find Nitori still in bed, staring holes into the wall opposite him.

Nitori wasn't usually one to lie in bed for extended periods of time, once he was awake he threw himself into the day with bright eyes and a stunning smile.

"You alright?" Rin asked, softly sitting down on the end of his bed.

"Fine." Nitori said automatically, the lie clear in his tone.

"You sure?" Rin reached out slightly to comfort the other boy but quickly retreated, they didn't have a particularly touchy feely relationship.

"Yes." He sighed, letting his eyes flicker closed.

"Well I'm here if you want to talk." Rin offered lamely, knowing he'd be the last person someone would want to open up to.

"I know." Nitori whispered, his eyes never opening.

"I'm going to get something to eat, want anything?" He questioned, cursing his own uselessness.

"No thank you." He muttered turning over so his back now faced Rin.

"Okay." Rin said, pushing himself into a standing position.

He grabbed his jacket off the chair and mindlessly patted his pockets to hear the familiar jingle of his keys and loose change. He slowly walked towards the door, trying to remember anything he might have done last night to upset Nitori, the way he acted it had to more than a mild lovers tiff to put him in such a foul mood. He was strong, arguments didn't affect him at all, get him riled up enough and Nitori could give as good as he got.

He turned back towards the other boy, ready to apologise for whatever he'd forgotten he'd done when he noticed the slight shaking off the small body in his bed, the breathing coming out heavy and irregular.

"Nitori, I…" Rin trailed off, unsure what to say in this situation. "I'll be right back." He settled for the coward's way out, quickly slipping out the room with a soft click of the door.

Once he was gone Nitori let out a loud sob, hands quickly flying up to his eyes to stop the tears from falling, but the action was pointless as they still flowed down his cheeks.

He felt useless, he felt pathetic, he felt pitiful. He couldn't even make one person happy, his own boyfriend hated the sight of him. All he'd wanted was to be loved, to be cared for, but instead he was loathed.

The soft tinkle of his phone broke the silence in the room, his body jolting slightly in fear as he heard the noise. There were only two people who text him and one of them had just walked out the room, leaving his phone on his desk.

Hesitantly Nitori made his way out his bed and towards the desk where his phone sat, his hands trembling as he reached for the device.

_Can I see you?_

The simple message read, no insight into Kai's mood. He could still be angry about last night or he could be the loving boy he was before.

While Nitori debated his response his phone lit up again, another message flashing up.

_We need to talk._

Nitori felt his eyes sting with more tears, the last time they'd talked it hadn't ended well. He jumped slightly when his phone went off again.

_Please._

He felt his heart beating at the message, Kai wanted to see him, needed to see him. Maybe last night could be forgotten, maybe they could put this mess behind them.

_Okay._

He quickly typed out a reply, receiving a response mere seconds later.

_Now?_

Although it was a question, a small part of Nitori felt like it was a demand but he found himself agreeing anyway.

_I'll be there in a bit._

He placed his phone back on the desk, ignoring whatever response Kai had offered while he quickly changed and got ready to go to his room. Once dressed he grabbed his phone and departed the room, leaving a confused Rin to come back to an empty room.

…

Nitori wasn't sure how long he stood outside Kai's door, it felt like hours but in reality it couldn't have been more than a couple of minutes. Shaking, he lifted his hand towards the door and gave three sharp knocks.

The door flew open and Nitori's heart leapt at the sight of Kai, whether it was fear or excitement he couldn't decipher.

"You came." Kai said in relief, quickly wrapping the younger boy up in his arms.

"Yeah." Nitori wheezed into his chest, feeling all the air get knocked out of him.

"I'm so sorry about last night." Kai apologised, pulling Nitori inside his room and swiftly shutting the door after them. "It wasn't me, I'm not usually like that."

"I know." He said, taking a step back from the other boy and releasing himself from the confines of Kai's arm, not missing the disappointed look that flashed across his eyes.

"I got you something." Kai gestured towards his desk.

Nitori turned and saw a large bouquet of flowers, all bright colours like he loved, and a box of chocolates, his favourites. He walked towards the gifts and mindlessly picked up the 'Sorry' card propped in front.

Kai knew what he'd done was wrong and he knew Nitori well enough to shop for him it seemed but was it good enough? Should he just brush what happened last night under the rug because of one extravagant gesture?

"Last night was probably one of the worst things I've ever done." Kai said, taking a step closer to Nitori, the smaller boy stiffening when he felt his breath on the back of his neck. "I've never regretted something so much in my life."

"I believe you but…" Nitori turned around and felt his sentence die on his lips.

Kai looked broken, desperate for Nitori to accept him, his eyes begged for forgiveness. Although he never said it he needed Nitori, just like him, Kai longed to be cared for, to be loved.

"I'm sorry." Kai whispered, his arms twitching slightly at his side as he yearned to reach out for the other boy but didn't want to push his luck.

"I forgive you." Nitori said, accepting Kai fully, he stood up onto his toes and lightly brushed his lips against the other boys.

Although Nitori had initiated the kiss, Kai soon took control, making their once chaste kiss hot and heavy. Nitori felt the familiar prying open of his lips as a tongue forced its way inside his mouth.

Nitori didn't fight it, he knew this was what Kai needed, he needed the reassurance that everything was alright, that Nitori still felt the same as he had done before the incident.

Kai pulled back and kept his arms around Nitori's, a small smile playing on his lips.

"So what did you get up to last night? After I kicked you out?" Kai asked, apologetically brushing Nitori's bangs out his eyes.

"Just went back to my room." Nitori told him, deciding to skip out his little run around the campus. "Watched a film with Matsuoka-senpai and fell asleep before it finished."

At the mention of Rin Kai's eyes darkened considerably, his hold changing from a loving embrace to a tight grip. Nitori regretted his words as he felt finger nails painfully digging into his hips through his clothes.

"Did you sleep with him? In his bed?" Kai asked, punctuating each individual word.

"I slept in his bed but…" Nitori wasn't able to finish defending himself before the cold sting of a hand against his cheek silenced him.

"Why do you keep doing this to me?" He shouted, taking a step back from Nitori.

He looked up at the taller boy with tears filling his eyes, he was never usually bothered by his height but now he felt so small and intimidated.

"Nothing happened. He didn't even…" Kai cut him off again, with words instead of actions.

"Do you like him?"

"Of course I do, he's my roommate." Nitori nervously stuttered, hoping honesty was the best policy in this situation.

"No! Do you like him the same way you like me?" He yelled, spit flying from his mouth onto Nitori's face.

He hesitated slightly before answering but that was all it took for Kai to snap, grabbing hold of Nitori by his shoulders and pushing him backwards.

"I don't, he's just a friend." Nitori cried out in panic as his back came into contact with the wall.

"You're lying Nitori!" Kai screamed in his face, shaking the other boy's body, Nitori wincing as his head hit the wall.

"I'm not! I swear!" He cried, his whole body shaking in fear.

With a sigh Kai took a step away from him, running his fingers through his hair.

"I think you should leave." He said, eyes staring at the ground.

Nitori could tell he was hurting, maybe not physically like he was but emotionally, he knew he didn't want to be like this. He didn't want to be the kind of man who'd hit and beat his lover, he needed Nitori here, to reassure him things would be fine, that Nitori didn't blame him.

"But I only just got here." He protested, reaching an arm out for the other boy.

"Now!" He shouted, causing Nitori to jump back in shock.

Nitori stood frozen in his place, unsure as to whether he should leave Kai when he seemed so destructive.

"Please." Kai whispered so quietly Nitori wasn't sure if he'd actually heard him. "And don't forget your stuff."

With that, Kai walked away from him, lying on his bed with his back to the room.

"Okay." Nitori said in a small voice before gathering up the presents Kai had got for him. Without looking back he exited the room, cheek still burning and vision still blurred from unshed tears.

…

Rin heard a strange scratching at his door, dragging himself off the bed he went to go check on the source of the sound.

He pulled his door open only to be greeted by a bouquet of flowers.

"Eh?" He asked in confusion, his eyebrow shooting up in confusion.

"Matsuoka-senpai!" Nitori called out, leaning his head around the flowers. "Thank you, I was struggling a little bit."

Rin didn't respond instead he stared hard at Nitori's face, the younger boy letting his eyes drop to the floor self-consciously to hide his watery eyes.

"What happened?" He asked, stepping aside so his roommate could walk inside.

"It's nothing, probably just the pollen causing my eyes to react." Nitori said, trying to brush off his suspicions.

"No, I meant to your cheek." Rin explained, shutting the door, the glowing red was hard to miss.

"Oh." Nitori stiffened as he placed the flowers and chocolates on his desk. "That."

"Yeah, that." He reiterated, walking over to Nitori and leaning against the wooden desk. "What happened?"

"Nothing." He shrugged, busying himself by arranging the already perfect flowers.

"Nothing?" Rin asked, crossing his arms and looking down at the younger boy, a guaranteed way to get him talking.

"It was probably just something Kai did, not that he did something to me per say. We were just fooling around on the bed, like play fighting really, and he must have accidentally hit it. Or maybe I rolled into the wall or something. Anything could have happened really." He rambled, the lies pouring from his lips.

"Right." Rin nodded. "I thought you'd just lent on it or something."

"That would have made sense too." Nitori muttered, cursing himself for trying too hard to cover for his boyfriend.

But he knew he had to, Rin could deny it but he was very protective when it came to his friends and if he found out the truth he'd get involved. For everyone's happiness he'd have to keep his mouth shut, bury the truth deep inside himself.

"I think I'm going to have a nap." Nitori said after a silence, supporting his statement with a loud, fake yawn.

"Really? You slept half the morning." Rin chuckled.

"Yeah, but I didn't sleep well. Must have been the strange bed." He shrugged, heading towards the bunk beds

"True." He agreed, deciding not to admit that surrounded by Nitori's smell Rin had had the best night sleep of his life.

Nitori slowly dragged himself up the ladder, Rin noticing the very obvious sag in his shoulders, the way his body seemed to be weighed down with unsaid words. He flopped on his mattress and let out a shaky sigh, close to tears once again.

"Nitori." Rin called out lightly, wanting nothing more than to hold the other boy close, take away his pain and make everything alright again, but he couldn't find the words to support him.

"Yeah?" He asked, glancing over his shoulder at the other boy.

"Forget it, I'll let you sleep." He said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Alright." Nitori muttered, dropping his head onto the pillow and shifting his body until it was comfortable.

Rin groaned slightly at his pathetic attempts and connecting with his roommate before climbing onto his own bed with a book, inhaling deeply the smells of Nitori that still lingered in his sheets.

…

Nitori stared at his phone as it rung for the third time in ten minutes, Kai's name flashing on the screen. Kai cared about him, he knew that he did, he'd felt guilty for hurting him, he didn't mean to cause any pain. Nitori understood that but yet he could not bring himself to press the accept button.

"Nitori! Answer your fucking phone!" Rin growled underneath him, delivering a harsh kick to the mattress.

He jumped slightly at the movement, the phone falling from his grip. He quickly scrambled to reclaim his hold on the device before answering the call.

"Hello?" He said in a quiet voice, knowing it was pointless to try to hide his conversation from Rin, but did he really care enough to eavesdrop? He highly doubted it.

"You're ignoring me." Kai said, his voice cold.

"I… I was sleeping." Nitori stuttered, the nerves in his voice peaking Rin's interest.

"With him?" He practically hissed.

"No, on my own." He whispered, wishing he was completely alone for this conversation.

"Good." Kai said before heaving a great sigh. "I'm sorry Ai. I don't mean to hurt you."

"I know you don't." He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling a few tears leaking out.

"It's just, put yourself in my shoes for a moment. How do you think I feel knowing you go back to him every night? That he gets to be with you when I can't? I get angry and can't control myself." Kai pleaded, begging for forgiveness.

Nitori couldn't really relate to his jealousy, Kai was lucky enough to have a room to himself, he would never fully understand the pain Kai felt every time he left. But he knew it must be bad, to turn Kai into the monster he'd been earlier.

"That with the stress of all the exams I have coming up this year is pushing me over the edge. I don't mean to take it out on you, you know that right?" He asked, bringing Nitori back into the conversation.

"I do." He felt himself nodding, wanting more than anything to believe his words.

"I really like you and I don't want to lose you but I can't help but feel like you're slipping away from me each day." Kai said, his vulnerability coming through the phone.

"You're not, I promise. I'm so sorry if I'm making you feel that way, I don't mean to. Honest. You're the only one I care about." Nitori reassured him.

"Really?" He asked, a hint of hope in his voice.

"Only you. I'm sorry if you ever thought otherwise. I'm sorry that I don't think about everything that's going on in your life enough, how it's affecting you. I'm sorry I do stupid things that make you angry when all I want to do is make you happy." Nitori apologised.

Kai needed him just as much as he needed him, they needed each other for support, for affection, for affirmation that they were worthwhile, that they deserved a shred of happiness in an otherwise cruel world.

"It's not your fault, you're perfect." Kai complimented him, his usual playful tone returning.

"Thanks." Nitori giggled. "But I'm still sorry."

"Stop apologising." He mock scolded.

"Okay, sorry." He said quickly, laughing slightly as another apology slipped from his lips.

"You're hopeless, what am I going to do with you?"

"Just love me despite my flaws I guess." He offered, Kai laughing out loud at him.

"I'll give it a try." Kai said causing Nitori to smile.

Their relationship would work, he was sure of that. Every couple had little arguments, small spats but at the end of the day they were stronger for it. They would strive together, if they could get past this and be happy again then they could do anything.

Rin listened as the happiness slowly returned to Nitori's voice but the conversation still didn't settle right with him. Nitori shouldn't have to apologise so much, a relationship was about give and take not about one person taking all the responsibility for the things that were wrong. It was a partnership, a joint job to make things perfect, to make things right.

But it was typical of Nitori, trying so hard to please everyone, putting himself on the line, selflessly forgetting his own needs in order to ensure happiness for another. But he deserved better, he deserved someone to take care of him, someone who would love him unconditionally, someone who would put his needs before their own.

Someone like Rin.

The thought sat heavy in his stomach as he lay on his bed, wincing at every infatuated giggle, every loved up sigh, every gushing word that assaulted his ears from the bed above.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been such a long time! So much school work but it's almost summer so hopefully lots of updates then :)

Rin lay on his bed, knowing he should get up and clean himself after his jog but Nitori was currently in the shower and had been since he'd returned to the room. He took deep breaths and listened to the sound of the running water as he tried to steady his breathing.

His moment of relaxation was soon interrupted by a harsh banging to the door, as he wasn't expecting company he chose to ignore the visitor in favour of lying still on his bed. But the banging never stopped, in fact it seemed to get more persistent.

"Nitori!" The mysterious knocker shouted, Rin automatically recognising the voice causing a scowl to appear on his face.

With a groan Rin pulled himself off the bed and stalked towards the door, his eyebrows furrowed still as he thinks about the boy on the other side.

"He's in the shower." Rin announced, pulling the door open and displaying his annoyance.

"Oh right, sorry." Kai said, flashing an insincere smile. "It's just we had plans, so."

"Well, like I said he's a little occupied." He said, flashing a fake smile of his own before starting to close the door.

"Can I come in and wait?" He asked, slamming a hand down hard on the door.

"If you must." Rin groaned, pulling the door open wide enough for him to enter.

Kai walked inside and stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, rocking from foot to foot as Rin glared him down. Something about the older boy didn't sit right with him and Rin always trusted his instincts.

The other day he'd hurt Nitori, Rin knew that. Whatever they had fought about had upset Nitori a lot, got to him to the point where he shook with sadness. Nobody should be able to cause that sort of pain to someone as caring as Nitori, he was so selfless that he'd apologised for the fight despite the fact he hadn't done anything, Rin was sure of that. Nitori could never hurt anyone.

So that was why he disliked Kai so much, not just because he was Nitori's boyfriend but because he wasn't treating the boy the way he deserved.

"So, Ai tells me you're on the swim team together." Kai said as a desperate attempt to get rid of the tension in the room.

"Yeah." Rin replied shortly, he wasn't going to do the other boy any favours, he didn't deserve it.

"He says you're very good, always going on about it in fact." He said, a hint of anger flashing in his eyes that Rin was quick to pick up on.

"Sounds about right." He shrugged, as if Nitori complimenting him was a regular occurrence, which it was before Kai showed up.

"So you two are good friends?" Kai asked, standing up taller, using his extra inches as an intimidation tool.

"You could say that. We're very… close." Rin smirked as he watched his cryptic answer hit a nerve with Kai.

"Listen here you little shit." He hissed taking a step towards the red haired boy, his eyes dangerously narrowed.

Rin felt his eyes widen in shock, was he that quick to lose his temper? Did he act like this around Nitori? Did the poor boy cower while Kai screamed at him for his apparent wrong doings?

He prepared himself for attack when suddenly the bathroom door flew open and Nitori appeared in a cloud of steam, towel still wrapped around his waist. The smile quickly falling from his face when he noticed the two boys in the room, stood chest to chest, their hands tightly clenched by their sides, their breathing heavy.

"What's going on?" He asked, his gaze nervously flicking between the two.

"Nothing. Just having a little chat." Kai said with a smile, ruffling Rin's hair and taking a step back.

"Okay." Nitori nodded, his eyes clearly showing his disbelief.

After a beat of silence Kai strode across the room and quickly gathered Nitori up in his arms, possessively pressing his lips against the others. The silver haired boy's eyes widened at the unexpected display, his body going slack in the other boys hold. He felt embarrassed as Rin watched the awkward encounter, he always felt that intimate moments should be just that, reserved for two people not flaunted in front of others.

"Ready to go?" Kai asked, releasing Nitori who stumbled from the lack of support now surrounding him.

"Erm, sure. Just let me get dressed." He said, reaching to grab the clothes on the back of his chair before retreating back into the bathroom.

"We're watching a movie." Kai announced, despite Rin never asking about the plans he and Nitori shared.

"What about practice?" Rin questioned, there were due at the pool less than an hour from now.

"Well he'll just have to skip it won't he?" Kai shrugged as if he didn't really care about Nitori's own schedule.

"He's part of a team, he can't start skipping." Rin growled, taking a step closer to the other boy. He knew there was nothing Nitori loved more in the world than spending time with his teammates in the pool, surely he wouldn't give that up just because his boyfriend asked him to.

"Look, you're not his keeper. He can make his own decisions." He said, shooting him an icy, cold glare.

"Ready." Nitori announced, soon noticing the tension in the room.

"Let's go Ai." Kai told him, grabbing his arm and pulling towards the door.

"What about practice?" Rin called after the pair, Nitori freezing slightly forcing the older boy to stop.

"Like I said, one day won't kill him." Kai answered for him.

Rin couldn't help but notice that Kai tightened his hold on Nitori's wrist until the skin around his fingers turned white, poor Nitori wincing slightly but trying to hide it.

"Nitori?" Rin asked, his voice softening as he saw the pain in his friend's eyes.

"Kai's right, one time should be fine." He said, his voice strained.

"There? We all happy?" Kai groaned, pulling Nitori from the room with such force the small boy yelped as he stumbled backwards.

The door to their dorm slammed harshly, leaving Rin stood alone in a sudden silence. He couldn't shake the hesitation in Nitori's eyes from his mind. He hadn't wanted to leave, whether it be because of missing practice or because of being alone with Kai he would never know but the hesitation had still been there.

Part of him wanted to chase after the pair but what would he do when he got there? Forbid Nitori from going off with Kai? Insist he stay close by at all times? He had no right to try to control Nitori's actions, as much as he hated it he had to make his own choices.

Even if at times it seemed he makes the wrong ones.

…

The walk to Kai's room was uncomfortably silent, Nitori noticed his eyes were set forward, barely blinking, a hint of anger in them. He wasn't sure what happened while he was in the bathroom but he knew it was enough to really upset Kai.

Once they reached the older boy's dorm the door was harshly thrown open, neither one making any attempt to step inside.

"I'm sorry about Rin." Nitori tried, hoping that everything could be forgotten.

"Get in." Kai growled, pointing inside the room.

With a brief nod Nitori stepped inside, closely followed by Kai breathing down his neck the whole time. Kai gently shut the door, leaning against his arms on the wood, taking deep breaths to calm himself.

Nitori bit his lip as he watched the muscles in back remain tense, he wished he'd calm down, he wished he wouldn't lash out at him, he wished he wouldn't get the blame.

"How could you leave me alone with that… that dick?" Kai cried, spinning to face the other boy.

"I... I didn't know you disliked Matsuoka-senpai." Nitori stuttered, taking a step away in reflex.

"Of course I do! He gets you when I can't have you!" He shouted, quickly pacing across the floor until they were toe to toe.

Nitori closed his eyes, he'd seen it in Kai's expression, he knew what was about to come. Sure enough the blow came, harshly across his face, causing him to stumble slightly on his feet.

"I hate it, it drives me crazy!" Kai screamed, dragging his fingers through his dark hair.

"I know, I'm sorry Kai." Nitori took a step closer, attempting to wrap his arms around the other boy in an attempt to calm him but it only worked in getting him angrier.

"Get off me!" With a push Nitori fell to the ground, his body shaking to the bone from the impact.

"Sorry!" He cried again, at a loss for words not sure how to make the situation right again, to take away Kai's pain, his insecurities.

He wanted his happy boyfriend back, the one who laughs at his small blushes, the one who spoils him just because he can, the one who lovingly holds him when they're together.

"He says you're close, as if he thinks there's something special between you." Kai shouted, supporting his point with a kick to his stomach. "And who can blame him when you flaunt yourself in nothing but a towel!" Another kick, this time to the shin, a strangled cry leaving Nitori's throat from the contact.

Slowly Kai dropped to his knees, Nitori swallowing thickly at the sight. It was worse when he was at his level, when he loomed over him his face was blocked out, he could pretend it was someone else hurting him, not the boy that was supposed to care for him. But up close Nitori could see his eyes, see the look of affection replaced with cold hate.

"Do you often do that?" Kai asked, dragging Nitori up by his hair to meet his eye. "Tease him, parade yourself around like some cheap slut?"

"It wasn't like that Kai, I swear." He promised but the other boy just scoffed at him.

He released his hold on Nitori's fair, causing him to drop his head harshly back to the floor with a thud. Kai stood up again, predatorily stalking around the small boy as he lay on his side on the floor.

"It didn't look like that to me, looked like you were giving him a little peep show." A quick kick to his back, tears seeping out his eyes as the pain shot through his body.

"Rin doesn't see me like that!" He cried. "Trust me."

Suddenly Kai froze in his walk, Nitori realising in that moment that he'd said the wrong thing.

"And how can you be so sure of that?" Kai asked, his voice eerily calm once again.

"I… I just… Ah!" Nitori screamed as Kai pressed his foot down against his ankle.

He wriggled to free himself from the pressure but it was no use, he was completely trapped.

"You've tried haven't you? Thrown yourself at him like the little tart you are." He whispered, rolling his foot forward, Nitori's ankle crunching under the movement.

"I would never do that." He whined, praying for the moment that Kai would finish.

"Good!" He shouted, lifting his foot. "Because I don't want him ever touching you!"

He kicked Nitori once again in the back.

"Stop! Please!" He screamed but it fell on deaf ears, Kai continued to release his anger using the small boy as his punching bag.

"He doesn't deserve you!" He cried, each point reinforced with a blow to his back. "He doesn't even deserve to see you like that! Nobody does! You're mine and nobody else!"

Nitori kept reminding himself that this wasn't about him, Kai was upset with the others not him. He didn't want to lose Nitori that's why he was acting this way. He loves Nitori so much he didn't know how to handle his emotions, he could forgive him for that. They were both new to this kind of relationship, they were both learning in a way.

He knew it wasn't Kai's fault, Nitori shouldn't let him doubt himself then he wouldn't have to resort to this, he needed reassurance that he was loved to be happy. Nitori could understand that.

As suddenly as it all began it stopped, Kai stepped over the boy on his floor as if he was nothing more than a discarded shirt to reach his laptop.

Nitori stayed where he was, his body shaking with sobs, each cry tore through his aching body like a dagger. He wanted to get up and regain what little dignity he still had but he found he was unable to move. His body felt weak, as if he couldn't support his weight if he tried.

"Are we watching this movie or not?" Kai asked, turning back on Nitori who only nodded feebly in response. "Then get up."

When there was no attempts at movement from the other Kai growled, delivering a swift kick to Nitori's stomach, the boy coughing out what little air he had left in his body from the blow.

"Get up!"

Pushing himself onto wobbling wrists Nitori sat up, bringing a hand up to his eyes to wipe away the tears still pouring down his face. Satisfied by the movement Kai walked over to his bed and dropped down on the soft mattress, expectantly looking at the other boy.

Slowly Nitori stood, grabbing the desk for support as he tested his injured ankle, it wasn't broken but he didn't doubt that the bone was badly bruised. It would put him out of commission for a couple of days, he supposed he should be relieved as bruises on his back would surely develop and he wouldn't be able to cover them up in just his swimsuit.

He limped over to the bed, wincing every time he put pressure on his ankle, once close enough he gently sat down, making sure to keep a few inches between them as the anger was still coming off Kai in waves.

Part way through the movie Kai spoke up, his voice softer than earlier, holding a hint of what Nitori hoped to be regret.

"Ai?" He tentatively asked.

"Yeah?" Nitori replied, turning slightly to look at him.

"I'm sorry." He said, his eyes filled with guilt as he thought back to what he'd done in a fit of blind rage.

"I know you are." He sighed, scooting across the bed to hold the other boy.

"I don't know why I keep doing this." Kai cried, burying his head deep in Nitori's shoulder. "I don't mean to hurt you."

"I know Kai, it's okay. I forgive you." Nitori reassured, rubbing his back soothingly.

"It's not. It's never going to be okay." He whispered, his hands tightly gripping Nitori's shirt. "I love you so much Ai, I don't want to drive you away."

Nitori gasped at his confession, they'd never said anything like that to each other before. On some level he knew Kai loved him, that's why he got so jealous, so possessive because he cared so much. But Nitori wasn't sure if he loved him back, part of him felt something for the boy, what it was exactly he couldn't know, but another part of him was still scared, still cowered whenever he did the smallest thing wrong.

Was that love? Nitori didn't think it was.

"You won't drive me away, I promise." Nitori said, pressing a kiss into his hair, not being able to bring himself to say the same words in return.

…

Rin walked down the corridor, listening as the sounds of splashing and shouting grew louder and louder. This walk had never seemed so long before, so lonely. He was used to having Nitori with him, filling the time with his chatter.

Once inside he took a deep breath, letting the smell off chlorine fill his lungs. He hoped that swimming would provide a distraction from his missing roommate.

"Matsuoka! You finally made it!" Seijuro called out, making his way over to the other boy.

Rin glanced up at the clock to see that he was in fact 20 minutes late, Nitori was far better at time keeping than he was.

"Where's Nitori?" He asked, looking behind Rin as if he was going to suddenly burst through the doors, apologising profusely for being late.

"He had other plans." Rin mumbled, crossing his arms.

"Did he now?" He questioned with an amused smirk.

"Yes."

"Seems like you need to keep a better eye on your boyfriend." Seijuro laughed, slapping Rin on the back before walking over to some other members of his team.

"He's not my boyfriend." He grumbled, knowing that his captain was well out of ear shot by now.

Rin strode across the tiled floor to the starting blocks, quickly snapping the elastic of his goggles before climbing a top of one. Without waiting for the go ahead he dove into the pool, pushing his body through the cold water.

He tried to forget Nitori, tried to forget his eyes as he left the room, his wrist the practically snapped under the pressure of the older boys hold. The water carried him, saving him from his own thoughts until he reached the end of his lap.

Then he was reminded of everything all over again when there was nobody stood there timing him and offering him a towel.

…

Nitori stared at his own door, hand on the handle but never pushing down. It wasn't late, probably only about nine but he prayed Rin was asleep, prayed that he'd turned in early for the night.

There was only so much he could hide but with his limp and slightly swollen lip he knew Rin was bound to ask some questions. He's just have to lie, cover it all up like he always did.

With a deep breath Nitori opened the door, a bright, false smile plastered across his face to avoid any suspicions.

"Good evening Matsuoka-senpai, did I miss anything important at practice?" He asked as he entered the room, hoping to draw focus away from himself.

"What happened to you?" Rin asked, looking up from his book as Nitori limped across the room and dropping heavily on his chair.

"Oh this? Nothing really. I just tripped over and twisted my ankle, even managed to bite my lip as I went down." He laughed, hoping Rin would believe his story.

"Seems like you're having a lot of accidents recently." He said, placing his book on his mattress and sitting up on his bed.

"What can I say? I'm a clumsy person." He joked, wishing he could just be honest with Rin, ask his senpai for advice in a situation he found himself completely lost in.

Rin leant forward on his elbows, clearly processing something. Nitori watched him with bated breath, wondering if Rin was piecing it all together to make the correct conclusion, part of him hoped he did but a bigger part of him dreaded Rin ever learning the truth.

"Nitori, if Kai was…" Rin sighed, not really wanting to say the words on the tip of his tongue. "If Kai hurt you in any way you'd tell me right?"

"What makes you say that?" He asked, unable to bring himself to deny it.

"It's just I'm worried about you Nitori. Kai… he doesn't seem right for you, he's manipulative and possessive. Then he has the audacity to act like he owns you." Rin groaned, running his fingers through his hair.

Nitori's eyes widened at the action, it was exactly the same as Kai right before he snaps, before he becomes a completely different person. But this wasn't Kai, this was Rin. He may have a short temper but Rin never hurt him, he never lay a finger on him.

"He was just upset today, he's not normally like that." Nitori muttered, whether he was reassuring himself or Rin he wasn't entirely sure.

"I saw the way you flinched when he was around, are you happy with him Nitori?" He asked, looking right into Nitori's eyes, hoping to read his emotions, detect any lies that spewed from his lips.

The other boy thought hard about the question. Was he happy with him? Most of the time he was, when he wasn't that monster he was extremely happy. Kai made Nitori feel loved, feel like he was worthwhile, that he could have the sort of the romances that he used to read about in his mother's books.

Then sometimes Kai made him feel pathetic, made him feel like everything little thing he did was wrong, made him feel completely worthless.

But, as he kept reminding himself, nothing was happy all the time, everything had its sour points and this relationship was no different.

"Yes, I am happy." He finally answered, the beginnings of a genuine smile on his face.

"Then I guess that's all I really needed to hear. As long as you're happy I'm happy." Rin rubbed the back of his neck, his cheeks flushing slightly at the comment. "Or something like that."

"Thank you Matsuoka-senpai." Nitori giggled at the older boy's embarrassment, "I think I'm going to head to bed now."

He got up and slowly limped towards his bed, wondering how he was going to manage the ladder with his foot.

"Hey Nitori, take my bed." Rin said, lightly holding his wrist.

Nitori stared down at his wrist, it was the same place Kai had held him a few hours ago, the finger prints still etches on his skin. But his hold was gentle, it was soft, it was caring, it wasn't demanding like Kai.

"Saves you messing your ankle up further." Rin explained, letting go of his wrist and beating him to the ladder.

Nitori smiled as he watched the older boy climb up to the bed, he may try to deny it but he knew deep down Rin cared for him, Kai may hurt him but as long as he had Rin to pick up the pieces he knew he'd be okay.

Quickly, Nitori changed into his pyjamas, making sure to not put any weight on his ankle for extended periods of time. He flicked the light off and crawled into the bed, taking a deep breath as the smell of Rin surrounded him.

He dreamt of being with Rin, dreamt that the boy held him as slept, protecting him from everything cruel in his world, dreamt that he placed soft kisses to his skin for every tear Kai had made him cry.

And, although he'd never admit it, in his dreams Nitori was the happiest he'd been in a very long time.


	5. Chapter 5

Nitori groaned slightly as he rolled over in his bed, it was only mid-afternoon but as soon as he'd got back to his room after his last lesson he'd wrapped himself up in his covers. Rin had watched him briefly, mouth slightly open with unsaid questions but they were never voiced.

Recently Nitori always seemed to be in bed, that or he was with Kai, and, although he was extremely worried, Rin had given up asking. He knew Nitori would just fake a laugh or a smile and reassure him he was fine just a little tired or feeling a little under the weather or he had a headache. He knew they were all excuses but he didn't pry, when Nitori was ready to tell the truth he knew he would.

"You coming to practice?" Rin asked, standing next to the bunk beds to look at Nitori through the slats.

"Not today." Nitori replied, wincing slightly as he turned over in his bed to be face to face with the other boy.

"Why? Your ankle's been fine for days but you still haven't come back." He whined, Nitori had to stifle a laugh at the small pout that was forming on his lips.

"I know, but I'm really tired today. I'll just fall asleep in the water if I do come." He lied with a quick smile.

Truth was yesterday evening had been rough for him, Rin had innocently text him asking when he'd be coming home and Kai hadn't reacted well. He'd shouted, almost broke Nitori's phone and delivered many blows to his stomach and chest.

"Who knows? The cold water might wake you up." Rin said, trying to coax Nitori out of bed.

"I don't think so senpai." He laughed.

"Fine, but tomorrow you're coming." He groaned, walking away from the bed and grabbing his bag off his chair.

"I will do." Nitori said, moving further under his covers, hissing slightly at the ache to his body.

"Promise?" Rin asked, hand gripping the door handle as he waited for a response.

"Yeah, promise." He replied, not fully sure if it was an honest promise.

Satisfied with his response Rin let himself out of the room, gently pulling the door after himself. Nitori let out a sigh of relief was he was alone, tenderly stroking his sore chest to relieve some of the pain.

…

Rin walked down the corridor away from his room, once again overly conscious of the silence that surrounded him. Although he'd never admit it he missed Nitori. He missed his little jokes, his ability to talk about anything, his smile that made his eyes sparkle, his excitement that practically shook through his whole body.

He hadn't seen that Nitori in a while, he'd become quiet, a recluse, secluding himself in his bedroom for hours until he was demanded by his boyfriend.

"Matsuoka!" A voice called to him as he walked.

Rin turned to see Mikoshiba jogging towards him, waiting until he was next to him to see just what he wanted.

"No Nitori?" He asked, reaching the younger boys side.

"Not today." Rin said, repeating the same words Nitori had only just told him.

"What's the excuse this time?" Mikoshiba crossed his hands over his chest, he was getting annoyed with Nitori's constant skipping.

"He's tired." He offered, knowing it wasn't really an acceptable reason.

"We haven't seen him for over two weeks." Mikoshiba sighed, his voice growing softer. "What's bothering him?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." Rin groaned, annoyed that Nitori still continued to keep him out the loop, refusing to share anything with him despite it being painfully obvious something was causing the younger boy grief.

"Right, he's coming to practice even if I have to drag him myself." He smirked, turning on his heel and heading back down the corridor.

"Captain! Leave it!" Rin shouted after him but it was no use, he was on a mission. With a sigh Rin followed him back to his room.

"Nitori!" Mikoshiba boomed, throwing the door open to his dorm.

"C-captain?" Nitori stuttered in shock.

"Matsuoka informs me that you're not planning to attend practice today." He announced, Rin offering him a guilty smile from the doorway for essentially throwing him under the bus.

"Yes, I'm feeling under the weather." Nitori stumbled through his lie, refusing to make eye contact. "I think I might have a fever."

"Nonsense! You've probably given yourself heat stroke from being bundled up all day." Mikoshiba laughed, refusing to let Nitori pull another sick day. "Come on, get out of bed so I can take a look at you."

Realising he had no other options Nitori climbed out of bed, hissing with just the slightest of movements down the ladder. Mikoshiba rolled his eyes slightly, thinking it was all part of his feigning illness act but Rin watched with wide eyes, he knew the pain wasn't fake. All too often Nitori winced with every move he'd make, tears leaking out of his eyes at what should be effortless.

Once firmly on the ground Mikoshiba did a once over of Nitori, granted his cheeks looked flushed but that was surely from the heat of his blanket. He circled Nitori, his eyes raking up and down his whole body to assess any damage, checking his ankle that seemed to have healed nicely.

"You look okay to me." Mikoshiba said, coming to a standstill in front of him.

"Well, my symptoms may not be physical but they are still there." Nitori insisted.

"You know, ordinarily, if a member of the team messed me around like this I'd kick them off." He told him, crossing his arms and looking down at him.

Nitori swallowed thickly, knowing he couldn't keep hiding in his room or he risked losing swimming, the one thing that continually made him happy despite everything else that may be going on in his life.

"I know Captain, I'm very sorry. I will definitely be there tomorrow." He promised, hoping his bruises would have faded from the deep purple welts they were today.

"Not good enough. You're coming now." Mikoshiba said, nodding his head definitively.

"No, I can't to…" Nitori tried to say but was soon cut off by his startled scream as he felt himself grabbed around the waist and thrown over Mikoshiba's broad shoulder.

When Nitori came into contact with the muscle of the older boy he cried out in pain, but it was written off by both Mikoshiba and Rin as a cry of surprise, neither one realising how broken he was.

"Matsuoka!" Mikoshiba called, turning to the other boy in the room who'd watched the whole exchange with wide eyes. "Grab his bag and bring it down to the pool for me?"

Without waiting for an answer Mikoshiba strode from the room, Nitori's helpless face watching his roommate as he was forcibly carried out his room.

"Captain! Please put me down!" Nitori begged, his voice breaking as he bounced with each step.

"Nope." Mikoshiba laughed.

"I can walk myself." He offered but the captain refused to be swayed.

"You lost that privilege when you tried to pull one over on me." He joked, his voice shaking as Nitori's soft fists pounded into his back.

Rin sighed and grabbed Nitori's bag off the floor, hitching it onto his shoulder along with his own bag before following after his teammates towards the pool, their argument echoing off the walls as they travelled.

…

Nitori felt humiliated, not only had he been carried into the changing rooms by Mikoshiba but he'd also been crying from each bash of shoulder to chest with the momentum of walking. He felt pathetic, but he guessed in a way he was. What kind of pitiful guy couldn't even stand up to their own boyfriend? A person who was meant to love you despite all flaws but yet Nitori feared his. Craved his approval so much that he completely disregarded his own feelings.

He'd waited until everyone had left before he changed but he knew it was ridiculous, people would see him eventually but the longer he could keep his marks hidden the better. Nervously he stepped out into the arena, awkwardly crossing his arms across his chest to hide himself, he knew it was useless, they were too far spread to be covered.

With a deep breath Nitori walked towards the pool, head held high with confidence, he was a good swimmer, he knew he was, and no amounts of cuts or bruises could tell him otherwise.

"Nitori! Get in lane…" Mikoshiba's command broke off when he turned to look at Nitori, his eyes dropping to his chest.

"Which lane, Captain?" Nitori asked, trying to ignore the stares from all around him and the burning on his cheeks.

"What happened Nitori?" He asked, his eyes shining with concern.

Although he didn't openly admit it Mikoshiba kept an eye out for his team around the school, they were like his own, dysfunctional family that he wanted to protect. As far as he knew there weren't any boys bothering Nitori but the bruises all over his pale skin told a different story.

"It must have been from when you manhandled me, Captain." He told him flashing a cheeky smile.

"Ah." Mikoshiba laughed, although it was clear to everyone in the pool he was lying. "I'll have to be more careful with you next time." He carelessly slung his arm around the smaller boys shoulders and pulled him closer.

"There won't be a next time." Nitori whined, trying to break free of the hold.

"Yeah, yeah. Now get in lane three and show me why I dragged your butt down here." He joked, ruffling his silver hair as he walked towards his lane.

Rin watched him closely from the water, the way he only half bent into a starting position, the way his eyes scrunched slightly in pain, the way he took a deep breath to prepare himself before he dove into the cool water.

Nitori pushed himself off but he didn't open his arms as much as he usually did, he didn't stretch himself to get through the water, instead he swam as if he was giving up, as if he just wanted to curl in on himself and float in relaxation.

…

Rin was watching Nitori again, he knew he should feel slightly disgusted with himself but somehow he couldn't bring himself to. He stared at the younger boy as he showered but it wasn't to watch the water drip down his body, to watch as he gently brushed the wet bangs from his eyes, to watch the muscles move under his skin as he cleaned.

Instead he watched him full of concern, Nitori was in the corner of the room, refusing to talk to anyone, to even look at anyone. He didn't bother to clean himself he just stood under the spray, head down as the water pounded against his skin. He hadn't even noticed most of the team had already headed out, that, besides Rin, everyone had left him in the showers.

Rin waited until he heard the remaining stragglers leave the changing rooms before walking over to Nitori, his eyes were tightly closed so he didn't even notice Rin approach him. Harshly, he slammed his hand down on the off button, Nitori jumping slightly at the sudden cold surrounding him.

"Senpai?" He asked confused as he wiped the excess water off his face. "Where is everyone?"

"They're gone." Rin muttered, uninterested in others currently. "So this is why you keep skipping?"

"What are you talking about?" Nitori self-consciously crossed his arms at his question, feeling Rin's gaze on his chest.

"This!" He shouted, pulling Nitori's hands apart. "What happened to you?"

"I already said, it must have been from when Mikoshiba carried me." He insisted but Rin just scoffed at him.

Rin knew Mikoshiba could be a little overzealous at times but he was a gentle giant underneath it all, he would have made sure he was careful with Nitori, refusing to cause him any harm. And even if he didn't trust the captain those bruises weren't fresh, they'd happened yesterday at the earliest.

"Don't bullshit me Nitori! Is it Kai? Is he doing this to you?" Rin asked, desperately wanting the truth.

"Why would you think that?" Nitori laughed nervously, hoping Rin couldn't pick up on his hesitance.

"Answer the question." He shouted, bringing his fist up and hitting it against the wall.

Rin's breath came out in quick pants as he watched Nitori, he'd flinched when his fist had been raised, he stood in front of him now cowering, hands held in front of his face in defence, eyes tightly closed.

"Nitori?" He asked, his voice far softer than it had been moments before. The other boy opened his eyes slowly and flushed when he realised the position he was currently in.

"Sorry, you scared me senpai." He admitted, his eyes dropping down to their feet.

Rin felt his throat turn dry at his words, he often shouted, he often kicked things, punched things but Nitori always stood his ground, he knew Rin would never lash out at him. Sure he got angry at times but he would never hurt another person. Why was Nitori so scared suddenly? Who was doing this to him?

"Nitori, please, tell me who hurt you." He whispered, pulling Nitori's face up to look in his eyes.

Nitori was completely speechless as he looked up, this close he could see all the small details he never usually noticed of Rin's face. His red eyes that lightened to practically pink in the middle, his thick eyelashes that framed his eyes which were surprisingly long for a boys, his plump pink lips that were parted slightly as his breath escaped, gently caressing Nitori's face. They were so close, Nitori could just rise up onto his tiptoes slightly and they'd be touching, their lips pressed together in a gentle kiss.

Abruptly Nitori stepped back, he couldn't be thinking about his senpai in such a way when he had a boyfriend. If Kai ever found out he would be so hurt, he loved Nitori and yet here he was thinking of betraying their trust.

"I don't know who it was." Nitori finally spoke, nibbling his lip in guilt.

"What do you mean?" Rin asked, taking a hesitant step toward him.

"It was dark and I was walking home from Kai's alone." Nitori explained, hating how he was piling lies on top of lies. "There was about three of them but they left when they realised I didn't have anything of value on me."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Rin asked, eyes clenched shut as his mind was assaulted with images of poor Nitori getting attacked by three men. Did they go to the school or was it a group who knew the private school included some wealthy children and were looking for an opportunity?

"You were asleep when I came home, I didn't want to disturb you." He shrugged, it was the truth, Nitori had slipped in quietly last night trying hard not to wake up Rin.

"Don't be ridiculous, I could have found them and given them a taste of their own medicine." He threatened, his hands tightening in fists again.

"That's exactly why I didn't want to tell you." He laughed.

"I guess." Rin sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "If anything else happens you'll tell me straight away?"

"Of course." Nitori nodded but he knew it was a lie.

If Kai hurt him again he knew he'd keep it a secret, he'd keep his bruises hidden for as long as he possibly could, as he always did.

…

"Kai?" Nitori asked in surprise when he noticed the boy stood outside the changing rooms. "What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you." He said coldly, causing Nitori to freeze in his tracks and Rin to walk into his back with an 'omph' as the air escaped his chest.

"I didn't know you'd be here." Nitori nervously spoke, wanting to grab onto Rin for comfort.

He hadn't seen Kai since last night but it seemed he was still upset, usually he'd calm down after their arguments and be apologetic but not today. Today Nitori feared the argument would just continue.

"I thought practice finished at six, it's almost quarter to seven." Kai crossed his arms over his chest, shooting an annoyed glance in Rin's direction.

"It does, but then we have to hit the showers." Rin explained, stepping out from behind Nitori and towards the other boy.

"Really? And that takes 45 minutes?" He asked, sneering slightly at Rin.

"Well not technically, there are other things going on. It's a great bonding time." He smirked, basking in the anger that flashed across Kai's eyes.

"Come on Nitori, we're leaving." He announced, turning away from the two boys and walking down the corridor.

Nitori watched him as he went before hesitantly following after him, he hadn't got very far when Rin lightly gripped his wrist in concern.

"Call me when you're coming home, I'm going to pick you up. You're not walking home alone again." Rin told him with a gentle smile.

"You don't have to do that for me Matsuoka-senpai." Nitori reassured him, nervously glancing towards Kai to check whether he had heard or not.

"I know I don't have to but I'm going to anyway." He said firmly, showing his mind would not be changed.

"Nitori!" Kai called from the end of the corridor.

"Coming!" He shouted back. "I'll call you later senpai." Nitori said, running down the corridor after Kai.

…

It was too quiet in Kai's room, he hadn't shouted at him, hadn't spoken to him at all but Nitori could tell he wanted to, he could practically feel the unspoken words in the air.

"I asked the others where you are." Kai finally spoke, walking over to where Nitori was sat on the bed. "They told me you and Rin were still in the showers."

"Yeah, we were." Nitori truthfully replied, he felt it safer to be honest than to lie.

"And what were you doing?" He asked, leaning over his boyfriend threateningly.

"Nothing, I swear."

"Don't lie to me!" He yelled, punching Nitori square in the eye.

"I'm not, we were just talking." He cried, holding his throbbing eyes as tears leaked out.

"You expect me to believe that? After I see you teasing him in your bedroom? Now you're whoring yourself around in the showers!" He screamed, spit falling from his mouth onto Nitori's face.

"I promise I didn't do…" Nitori tried to defend himself but he soon felt a hand slam down on his shoulder.

"Get off the bed." Kai pulled him until he landed roughly on his knees. "Wait here."

Nitori watched as Kai walked towards he bedroom door, flicking the lock and turning back to the boys on his knees. He felt himself shaking as the boy stalked back towards him, he never usually locked them inside, he was terrified as to what Kai would do to him.

"Don't look so scared Ai, this is going to be fun." He smirked, bending down and forcing their lips together.

Nitori had to fight a grimace as he felt the slick tongue force its way inside his mouth, curling and exploring every corner without even waiting for a response.

Kai pulled back and stood tall again, hands flying to his jeans and slowly unbuttoning them. Nitori's eyes widened as he pushed down his trousers and boxers in one movement, standing completely exposed, they'd kissed before but beyond the occasional friction from their movements they'd never been intimate before.

Kai took hold of his member and lazily pumped himself until he turned hard under his own touch, smirking slightly as Nitori's gaze was solely on the growing length in front of his face.

"Open wide." He instructed, releasing the hold he had on himself.

Finally understand what was about to happen Nitori frantically shook his head, he didn't want this, he wasn't ready.

"No, I don't…" Nitori's sentence was cut off by a gag as Kai pushed himself inside his mouth.

Nitori forced his breath out his nose, trying to adjust his mouth to make room for the intrusion, Kai moaned deeply when he inadvertently licked the sensitive head.

"You like this don't you Ai?" He asked, pushing deeper into his warm mouth. "You like sucking on my cock, don't you?"

Nitori shook his head slightly at the question, hoping Kai would see his discomfort, hoping he'd see that what he was doing was wrong. They were meant to love each other, that meant being in tune to the other, their thoughts, their feelings, putting their loved one before their own needs.

"Why? Do you only like doing this when it's Masuoka's dick?" He shouted, thrusting quickly into Nitori.

He tried to pull away, to explain that he'd never touched Rin, to reassure him he didn't need to act this way to claim him when Nitori was Kai's and Kai's alone but the older boy wouldn't let him. Instead he tightly gripped Nitori's hair, holding him place and taking full control of the situation.

Kai thrust his hips back and force, slamming into Nitori's mouth with force, the younger boy choking each time the head hit the back of his throat. Tears pooled at the corner of his eyes but Kai didn't notice, his eyes were shut and mouth slightly open as the pleasure took over his body.

For Nitori, there was no pleasure instead he felt completely sick. He wasn't fully sure if it was due to the constant abuse to his uvula or if it was due to Kai's disregard for his feelings.

His jaw began to ache as it hung slack and open, Kai's balls hitting his chin with every thrust, the sound of skin slapping skin ringing out in the room from the movement. He wanted to scream and shout, he wanted to pull away but he couldn't move, his whole body frozen with shock.

"God Ai, you feel so good." Kai hissed, his hips bucking faster with his words.

A sob escaped Nitori's mouth, vibrating through his body and through Kai's, the boy groaned deeply at the sensations shooting through him.

It shouldn't be like this, when they took their relationship to the next level it should be something they both wanted. Nitori should feel proud when he could turn on his boyfriend in such a way, rather than feel disgusted and used.

"I'm close, Jesus Ai!" He moaned, his thrusts growing erratic and ill timed.

Nitori felt his hot seed trickling down the back of his throat, filling him up as Kai came hard in his mouth. Kai continued his assault until the last of his release had been milked, frothing at Nitori's lips as it mixed with his salvia and ran down his chin.

Once he'd finished Kai let go of his hair and Nitori scrambling backwards as soon as he was free. He looked up at Kai with scared eyes as he took deep breaths to calm himself after his high, he hoped it was over, hoped Kai wouldn't want to do anything else.

Without saying a word Kai pulled up his trousers and walked towards his bathroom, once inside he grabbed a towel and threw it in Nitori's face.

"Clean yourself up, you look like a cheap slut." Kai muttered, Nitori nodding helplessly in response.

He barely noticed the cum that had split from his lip and down his face, he was far too focused on processing what had happened, he always managed to justify what Kai did to him but for once he found himself unable to. Kai had violated him and he didn't even seem to care.

"I'm taking a shower." Kai called to him, slamming the door behind him.

Once alone Nitori cried, loud sobs shaking through his whole body as he blindly cleaned the cum and tears from his face. He wanted to go back to his room, curl up into his bed and scream until he exhausted himself but he couldn't face Rin, not after everything he'd done.

Kai was right, he was nothing but a cheap slut, he'd made no attempts to stop Kai, instead just let him carry on regardless of his concerns. Kai loved him, it was a beautiful act between two people to him but Nitori didn't love him in return, he was just a whore who let people use him despite his lack of feelings.

He continued to cry as he heard the shower turn off, he felt completely revolted with himself, he didn't deserve Kai's love, he didn't deserve Rin's friendship, he didn't deserve Mikoshiba's concern. He was disgusting.

"Oh Ai." Kai whispered, announcing his arrival back into the room. "I'm so sorry."

He dropped to his knees besides Nitori and pulled him into his arms, gently rocking him as his tears blended in with the water still sticking to his skin from his shower.

"It's not you, it's me. I'm sorry." He replied.

I'm sorry I can't seem to return your feelings. I'm sorry that I thought about kissing Rin today. I'm sorry I can't give you what you need.

He added silently as he tightly gripped Kai's shoulder, burying his head in his chest and taking a deep breath, filling his nose with his scent. He wished it made his heart swell, he wished it made his palms sweat and his pulse quicken, he wished it made him feel safe. But he knew those feelings were reserved for someone else, no matter how much he wished they weren't.

I'm sorry I can't love you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not enjoy writing that at all, I want to just cuddle poor little baby Nitori, he needs love! So much love!


	6. Chapter 6

Nitori groaned slightly as the sounds of his alarm assaulted his ears, roughly pulling him from his dreams. He sat up in bed and tiredly rubbed his eyes, he’d purposely set his alarm half an hour before usual to sort himself out before Rin woke. As he stretched his muscles he waited for any signs of Rin being disturbed by his early wakeup call but he still appeared to be snuffling softly.

As silently as he could Nitori clambered down the ladder and slipped into the bathroom, taking a deep, calming breath once he was shut up in the room.

He stared at himself hard in the mirror, the mark on his face a constant reminder of what he’d been through, what had happened last night. The once yellow bruise had deepened to a dark purple overnight, his eyelid slightly swollen from the injury.

He glanced down at the various different foundations, blushers, mascaras and eye shadows that littered the bathroom sink, never before had he been so grateful of Gou’s forgetful mind. Granted, her skin wasn’t as pale as his own but he could make it work, anything to hide his eye from others.

Grabbing the foundation he pumped it into his palm, the dark, peachy liquid pooling against his skin. Delicately he dabbed fingertips worth of the make-up against his eye, wincing at the contact. He looked in the mirror in amazement as he noticed the marks becoming fainter and fainter as he patiently blended the foundation into his skin.

When he’d finished he felt his heart swell with relief, the make-up had worked perfectly and he could barely see the bruise any more. The skin was slightly darker around his eyes but nothing he couldn’t pass off as a bad night’s sleep.

He slipped the bottle into his pocket and grabbed compact mirror as well, in case he would have to patch the make-up through the day.

He glanced back in the mirror, although it was disguised he still knew the mark was there. The hideous evidence of what he had gone through, his mind still filled with the feelings of Kai assault, the intrusion as he thrust repeatedly into his mouth before releasing inside him.

His eyes began to water at the memories, he should feel proud of their relationship, he shouldn’t have to hide behind a physical mask.

But deep down Nitori knew he was the one to blame, if he just loved Kai the way he needed, the way he deserved they wouldn’t be having these problems. Their relationship could be perfect if he could only return his love.

“Nitori!” Rin shouted grumpily from the other side of the door, causing Nitori to jump.

“Y-yes senpai?” He asked, clearing his tears while trying to keep the foundation in place.

“What’s taking so long in there? Are you having a wank or something?” He cried, banging his fist against the door.

“I’m almost finished.” He reassured, giving himself one final look in the mirror before slipping out the room.

Once face to face with Rin, Nitori offered him a wide, fake smile, it didn’t quite reach his eyes but the older boy was still half asleep so he barely noticed.

“Good morning.” He gushed.

“Whatever.” Rin grumbled, tiredly stumbling into the bathroom.

…

Nitori walked through the grounds of the school, self-consciously keeping his eyes on the floor, never wanting to look up only to be met with happy students all around him. He felt irrationally jealous of them, of how carefree and simple their lives were while his was coming crashing down around him.

He always believed when he found love everything would just fall into place, he’d be truly happy, his heart would skip a beat, his smile would be wide but that just didn’t seem to be what he’d got.

“Ai!” A voice called out, his heart stilling at the sound, not in the way he wished but instead with fear and dread.

He turned around, throat turning so dry he couldn’t bring himself to respond.

“I missed you.” Kai said before pulling him into an embrace.

Nitori wanted to relax in his arms, he wanted to feel safe, he wanted to feel warm but he didn’t. He felt uncomfortable and longed to be released.

“Can you come back to mine?” He asked, Nitori only numbly shaking his head in response. “Why not?”

“Practice.” He blurted out, taking a large step back. “I have practice.”

He knew he wouldn’t be swimming today, he had to keep his mask intact but it was joint practice so he’d at least had to show up.

“Oh of course, swimming.” Kai said, dismissing the team as nothing but a silly hobby. “Do you have to go?”

“Yes, I haven’t been for so long, it’s important I start going again.” He swallowed nervously after standing up for himself.

“I guess so. But afterwards you could…” He started but was soon cut off by an exciting cry.

“Ai-chan!” Nagisa shrieked, throwing himself at the boy so they fell to the ground in a mess of limbs.

“Nagisa, please get off him.” Rei sighed, running up to the group’s side.

“You’re no fun Rei-chan.” He pouted, standing up and offering his hand to Nitori.

Hesitantly he accepted and let Nagisa drag him to his feet, pulling him far too close and wrapping an arm around his neck. He nervously glanced at Kai only to see the familiar unimpressed haze to his eyes.

“We’re going to beat you this time Ai-chan.” Nagisa teased, looking back at Rei for support.

“It’s just a friendly, joint practice.” He reprimanded with a roll of his eyes.

“Fine, we’ll beat you as friends.” He stuck his tongue out at the taller boy.

“Nagisa! I told you not to run away.” Makoto said as he finally reached his side, Kai eyeing up the two new arrivals.

“I’m sorry, I was just excited to see Ai-chan again! He’s been away for so long but this time I’m not letting him go.” He told him, tightening his grip around Nitori to confirm his point.

“Yes, I saw you push him to the ground. Are you okay Ai?” Makoto asked, checking him over with concern.

“I’m fine.” He stuttered, noticing straight away that Kai blazed with anger as Makoto eye’s trailed his body.

“Who are you?” Haruka asked bluntly, squaring up to the boy shooting daggers into his best friend.

“Haru!” Makoto whined, wishing the boy he had more tact in these sorts of situations.

“He’s Kai.” Nitori introduced, feeling guilty for momentarily forgetting his manners.

“I’m Ai’s boyfriend.” He announced possessively.

“Oh my god!” Nagisa gasped in excitement. “Ai! You have a boyfriend?”

“Yes I do.” He replied, hoping to be released from the blonde’s hold.

“So this is why you’ve been hiding away.” Nagisa smirked, raising his eyebrows and glancing between the boyfriends.

“It would seem so.” Kai replied, causing Nagisa to giggle again.

“I see. Well off you go so we can talk about you.” He instructed with a smile.

“Whatever you say.” He laughed, but Nitori could tell straight away it was fake, in truth he was slightly annoyed that he was being bossed around. “Ai?”

“Yes?” He nervously replied.

“Come to mine after you’ve finished practice.” He told him rather than asked.

“Of course.”

“See you later. Nice meeting you all.” Kai said walking away, despite Nitori being far too shocked to introduce everyone to him.

“Ai-chan has a very attractive boyfriend.” Nagisa said with approval, dragging the boy towards the pool with the rest of his team following.

“Yeah.” Was all Nitori offered in response, knowing Kai would be watching them still.

He knew Kai would be upset that Nagisa had his hands all over him, that he was so close to him, that all his insecurities would make him think their relationship was something it wasn’t.

“And you can tell by the way he smiles at you he’s completely smitten.” Nagisa gushed, completely missing how Nitori stiffened the more they talked about Kai.

“He seems very nice.” Rei offered with a smile.

“Ai-chan is so lucky.” Nagisa pouted with a jealous scowl.

“Does he swim?” Haruka asked, Makoto rolling his eyes fondly at the question.

“Erm, no he doesn’t Haru.” Nitori responded.

“Never trust someone who doesn’t like the water.” Haruka said, without a hint of a joke.

“Haru, not everyone is concerned with that.” Makoto lightly scolded.

“I’m looking forward to swimming with you today Ai-chan.” Nagisa smiled, ignoring the other members of his team debated the importance of a partner who enjoys swimming.

“I’m not going into the pool today, I’ve been feeling ill recently.” Nitori mumbled.

“What?” He cried. “I came all this way to see you and you won’t swim with me.”

“Nagisa, you came all this way to practice in the indoor pool. Don’t guilt Nitori.” Rei scolded, joining the conversation.

“Rei-chan, you’re always bossing me around.” Nagisa whined, finally releasing his hold on Nitori in favour of the taller boy. “Why are you so mean to me?”

Nitori soon silenced out the chatter around him, his focus solely on Kai. Seeing how close he was with Nagisa he was bound to accuse Nitori of all sorts, throw disgusting names at him. He’d try to convince him it’s innocent and they’re just friends but once Kai was angry it was hard to make him see sense.

…

“Captain?” Nitori nervously called out, fiddling with the hem of his jacket.

“Yes Nitori?” He asked, smiling down at him.

“I’m still a bit sore from yesterday.” He explained, gesturing to his chest. “Would it be alright if I sit this one out?”

“Of course, whatever you need.” Mikoshiba said sympathetically. “You can time us all today.”

“Thanks Captain.” He grinned, taking the stop watches out of his outstretched hand.

“Nitori?” He asked just as the boy was turning to walk away.

“Yeah?”

“If anyone is causing you any trouble you can tell me, you know that right? You’re like family to me, all of you are.” He told him, concern clear in his eyes.

“Thanks.” Nitori blushed, he appreciated the care but he wished people would stop noticing him so much. “But honestly, I’m fine.”

He tried to reassure the captain, knowing if people knew the truth they’d try to get involved, offer their advice and opinion when the matter only concerned Kai and himself.

“If you say so. Matsuoka!” He shouted, changing the subject swiftly. “Get in lane six and Nitori will time you.”

With a nod Nitori scuttled over to the edge of the pool where Rin was now standing on the starting blocks.

“Ready?” Rin asked, snapping his goggle straps.

“Ready senpai!” Nitori confirmed, finger poised over the start button.

With a groan at the use of senpai Rin jumped into the water and began his lap, Nitori gasping slightly as he watched him.

He envied how smooth and clear his skin was, no bruises, no cuts, no marks, just perfection. He envied how effortlessly he moved, not having to fight through pain at the simplest motion. He envied how he was just able to throw himself into anything without thinking of the consequences, without having to hide himself away.

“How did I do?” Rin breathlessly asked, pulling Nitori out his daze.

“Ah, sorry senpai. I wasn’t paying attention.” He blushed, embarrassed at being caught staring.

“You only had one job.” He growled playfully.

“I know.” He giggled. “But I was distracted, I wish I could swim like that.”

“If you want to swim like that you have to at least get into the pool!” Nagisa called, having heard their whole conversation.

Nitori spun on his heel to see Nagisa running towards him, giving him a swift push and sending him flying backwards into the pool with a loud scream. Rin shielded his eyes slightly as the splash blew up right in front of him.

Spluttering, Nitori emerged from the water, rubbing the chlorine from his eyes, his body shaking slightly as he noticed the dark peach smeared across his fingers. Nervously, he looked up at Rin, his face shocked as he looked at Nitori’s smudged eye.

“It’s not what you think.” He blurted out, before Rin could even speak.

“Ai.” He whispered, ignoring his outburst and slowly reaching out for his face.

“No! Don’t!” He panicked, trying to back away but Rin was quicker, soon having a hold of him.

Using the pad of his thumb Rin brushed away the remains of the foundation, revealing the deep bruise underneath. Seeing the sympathy fill Rin’s eyes Nitori broke, tears he’d tried to hold in for so long finally fell.

Abruptly he pushed Rin’s hand off, stood shaking in the water in fear, in pain, in regret. He couldn’t really tell but as the sobs ripped out of him he found he didn’t really care to define the emotion.

“Ai, who is doing this to you?” He asked softly, taking a step towards him.

“It was my fault.” Nitori offered, but it just sparked the anger inside Rin, sick of his excuses.

“Stop lying to me!” He shouted, slapping his hands down against the water.

Nitori flinched at the sound, cowering slightly before his senpai. Seeing the other like that, so afraid, made guilt squeeze at Rin’s heart.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” He started, reaching out for him again but Nitori was quick to slap him away.

“Don’t touch me!” He screamed.

Without waiting for a response Nitori climbed out the pool, quickly running towards the door and out the arena. Wet feet barely covering the sounds of his tears as he went. Snapping out of his shock Rin leapt from the pool, swiftly following after the other boy.

“Matsuoka!” The captain shouted just as Rin reached the door. “Over here now!”

With a groan Rin took a step back from the door and over to Mikoshiba, the older boy glaring at him with his arms crossed.

“What is it?” He asked, slightly intimidated as he’d never seen the captain so livid before.

“What the hell was that?” Mikoshiba hissed, trying to keep the conversation between the two of them despite his rage.

“I don’t know.” He sighed, if he’d let him go he may be able to provide a better answer.

“You don’t think I noticed how Nitori recoiled when you came near him?” He growled. “I swear to god Matsuoka if I find out you’re the reason for his recent injuries I’ll kick you off the team so fast you can kiss goodbye to any Olympic dreams.”

“Me? You think I’m doing this?” Rin asked in outrage, he’d never touch Nitori in that way.

“Come on, you’re a good little swimmer but we all know you’ve got a temper on you.” Mikoshiba said.

“I’ll admit that but I would never hurt Nitori, you know that.” He glared, fists tightening at his sides.

He cared deeply for Nitori, anyone could see that despite how much he tried to deny it. Sure he claimed the younger boy was just an annoyance he could do without but it was just a cover, a cover for feelings that were too strong for a friendship.

“I know Matsuoka, I’m just…” He sighed, running his fingers through his wet hair. “I’m worried about him.”

“You and me both Captain.” Rin admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Now get back in your lane and finish training, if you think you’re getting out of here with just one lap you’re sadly mistaken.” Mikoshiba laughed, slapping Rin on the back before walking to other members of the team.

Rin stood rooted to the spot, he was torn. Half of him knew he should let Nitori calm down, have a moment alone but the other half of him longed to search until he found him and hold him close until all of his tears went.

…

Tears blurred Nitori’s vision as he ran, no clear destination in his mind he just needed to get away from the pool, away from Rin.

It was Rin’s fault, it was because of him Kai was so worried, felt so insecure to the point he had to forcibly remind Nitori who he belonged to. It was Rin’s fault that Nitori was so confused, unsure who he truly wanted to be with, who his heart beat for.

If Rin just left him alone then he’d be fine, he’d love Kai the way he was supposed to and they’d be happy, their relationship would work. But he was always there, trying to get close to him, trying to touch him, trying to get involved in his relationship. No wonder Kai felt so insecure.

Nitori changed his direction and began running to Kai’s room, he should want to be with his boyfriend when he was upset, when he wanted comfort, rather than wanting to throw himself into the arms of his roommate.

Once he reached the door he let himself in, not knocking this time just running inside, taking deep gasps as he tried to breathe through his tears.

“Ai? You’re early.” Kai said, turning towards the boy who’d just burst into his room.

His throat turned dry at the sight, his eyes bloodshot from the tears, one of them swollen with a bruise, his clothes soaking and sticking to his body.

“Oh god.” He whispered. “I did that, didn’t I?”

Nitori nodded in response and was soon wrapped up in Kai’s arms, holding him against his chest and gently stroking his wet hair.

“I’m so sorry Ai, I don’t mean to hurt you.” He reassured softly.

“I know.”

“I love you, so much I don’t know how to control myself.” Kai’s voice broke as he joined Nitori with his own tears.

“I know.” He repeated, wishing that simple phrase would make everything alright again.

The pair stood in silence, arms wrapped around each other as the tears flowed, needing the comfort and warmth of another person.

They embraced for a while, softly swaying, until Nitori began to shiver.

“You must be freezing.” Kai said, taking a step back. “I’ll get you something dry to wear.”

“Thanks.” He smiled.

Kai handed Nitori a shirt and pair of boxers, the younger boy glancing towards the bathroom before changing in front of him, they were in a relationship he should feel comfortable around him. But yet he felt self-conscious as eyes studied his body, taking in every inch of his bare skin. He was used to being naked around other people but he’d never been so closely inspected.

Once he was dressed Kai grabbed him, kissing him hard and passionately.

“No.” Nitori said, trying with all his strength to push the other boy off. “I don’t want to.”

“I can’t help it, you just turn me on too much.” Kai purred, taking Nitori’s hand and leading it down.

Nitori gasped as he felt the bulge growing under his touch.

“I want you so badly.” He whispered against Nitori’s neck, pressing kisses into the soft skin as he pushed him backwards.

He yelped as his knees caught on the side of Kai’s bed, catching him by surprise and causing him to fall back onto the mattress. With a smirk, Kai climbed on top of him, quickly and forcibly pressing their lips back together.

“Please stop.” Nitori begged, unable to move the boy on top of him.

“This is your fault.” Kai snapped. “You can’t turn me on and not follow through.”

“I… I’m not ready.” He whispered, thinking back to yesterday.

“I can wait.” Kai promised with a kiss. “We can do other things.”

Kai quickly rolled his hips, moaning as his clothed erection brushed against Nitori’s thigh. He buried his head deep into his neck, suckling on the pale skin there, leaving yet another mark. Tears began to fall again as Nitori rocked, his whole body pushed with each thrust, his head repeatedly hitting the head board but he felt nothing. He felt numb.

“Even like this you feel so good.” He panted, rutting faster against Nitori’s leg.

Nitori offered no encouragement, no movement of his own but Kai didn’t notice, too far gone, too wrapped up in his own pleasure to notice the tears streaming down pale cheeks.

“Uh… Ai.” Kai groaned, his hips faltering slightly as he found his release, thrusting hard one last time before dropping his whole weight onto Nitori.

Nitori stared at the ceiling as the boy on top of him tried to catch his breath, the silent tears never stopping as he lay there. He was completely trapped, completely overwhelmed.

“I love you.” Kai whispered, kissing the red mark on his neck.

“I love you too.” Nitori replied, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, wishing those words were true.

…

Rin returned to his dorm to see it shrouded in darkness, but not silence, soft sobs filled the room. With a small sigh he walked over to the beds, quietly climbing up the ladder and lying down on the mattress.

Slowly Nitori turned over, looking up at the other boy with wide, sad eyes. Unspoken words hung in the air, questions that were desperate to be asked but they were never voiced.

Instead Rin manoeuvred Nitori until he was securely in his arms, head nested deep in his chest. Nitori tightly gripped at the fabric of his shirt and sobbed, soaking through the material onto his skin underneath but Rin wasn’t bothered.

He held Nitori close, let him cry through everything that was hurting him, release all the emotions that he had kept bottled up for so long. He knew his friend was hurting and, more than anything, he wanted to take that pain away. He’d do anything to see him happy and carefree again.

Nitori could lie all he wanted, pretend he was content, but Rin knew better than that. After ignoring the signs for so long he’d finally figured it all out, put together all the pieces and found the truth.

But he wouldn’t confront Nitori about it though, he realised he was too scared to come forward, he’d just try to keep it all secret so, instead, Rin would go right to the source.

Tomorrow Rin would confront Kai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a complaint that my story was getting too graphic in the abuse after the last chapter, and I respect that some of you don’t want to read that so I’m unofficially warning you all now it’s going to get worse for Nitori before it gets better. If you don’t want to read that I understand.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the guest reviewer (alpaca fairy) who asked if they could do art for this story completely yes! Go ahead! I love pictures, love seeing how different people interpret my work :) just send me a link so I can see your glorious drawings!

Rin had left the dorm early this morning, leaving Nitori still sleeping in the bed they’d shared last night. When he’d finally untangled himself from the smaller boys arms he’d been met with sleepy whines of protest but they quickly ebbed when Rin’s pillow was offered as a replacement, the familiar scent of Rin soothing the boy back to sleep.

If it weren’t for his anger towards Kai he would have found it extremely difficult to leave, no doubt he would have just crawled back into the bed and held Nitori close, forgetting about everything else completely.

But he’d had somewhere he needed to be, someone he needed to see, so here he was, staring at Kai’s dorm door as the hatred boiled inside him.

Slowly he brought his hand up to the door, delivering a loud, harsh knock that rattled the wood.

“Coming.” Kai called, the creak of a bed indicating Rin had woken him.

As he listened to the sounds of footsteps pad across the floor he realised he had no idea what he wanted to say, he’d rushed over here blindly without planning anything out beforehand.

“Yes?” Kai said, his smile instantly dropping when he noticed who was stood on the other side of his door. “Matsuoka? What do you want?”

In that moment, Rin realised he didn’t need a plan because his body acted before he even had time to think. His hand tightly coiled in a fist and, without even questioning his actions, he pulled it back and threw it against Kai’s chin.

He smirked with satisfaction at the crunch of bone on bone, stalking inside the room and kicking the door shut as the older boy stumbled back at the unexpected contact.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Kai asked, wiping away the blood that dripped from his split lip.

“Right now? You.” He replied casually before throwing another punch, this time aimed at his eye.

Kai was forced backwards, tripping over clothes he’d left haphazardly on the floor, sending his frame crashing to the ground with a bang. Without even waiting for him to recover Rin pounced on top of him, delivering blow after blow to the older boy.

“Get off me you psycho!” Kai called out, managing to get his own punch in to Rin’s nose.

“Jesus.” Rin winced, clutching his now injured face.

Using the moment of distraction Kai roughly pushed Rin from him, the boy on the floor gasping and spluttering as the air returned to his lungs without the pressure to his chest.

Rin scrambled to his feet, kicking Kai in the side before placing his foot on top of his stomach, stopping him from moving, trapping him on the floor.

“I know what you’re doing.” Rin hissed, pressing his foot down harder on the soft body.

“And what’s that?” Kau wheezed.

“Hurting Nitori, and it stops now.” He warned him, eyes flashing with anger and hatred.

“What are you talking about?” He asked, pushing the foot off his chest and to the floor, Rin’s body jolting at the movement.

“I’m talking about the bruises, the cuts, the scars all over Nitori now. You think I’m stupid? You think I wouldn’t notice that as soon as you came on the scene so did the injuries?” He shouted, leaning over him threateningly.

“Jesus.” Kai muttered, pushing himself up off the floor to a seated position. “I thought that was you.”

“Excuse me?” Rin crossed his arms.

“I just thought that you weren’t too comfortable with sharing a dorm with a gay guy.” He shrugged, pulling himself to his feet. “Typical hetero who thinks you can beat the gay out of someone.”

“Don’t pin this on me.” He growled, grabbing Kai by the collar and pressing him against the wall. “I know it’s you so you can drop the act.”

“It’s not an act.” Kai sighed, not even bothering to put up a fight. “Ai kept giving me stupid excuses that he’d fallen, walked into various things, got jumped by some random guys at night.” Rin’s eyes widened as he heard the same excuses from Nitori as well.

“And you just assumed it was me then?” He asked.

“Well, you do have a tendency to run into things, fist’s blazing.” He said, gesturing to the hands still tightly around his neck. “So yeah, that was my first guess.”

“I would never lay a finger on him.” He whispered, more to himself than anyone else.

His temper was his weak spot, he knew that, hell everyone knew that, but he always wanted to believe there was a cut-off point, that he’d never hurt his friends. That he’d never hurt Ai, someone he loved.

“Look Rin.” Kai started, snapping the red head out of his thoughts. “I know you don’t like me, and I’ll be honest I’m not particularly fond of you either. But we both care about Ai so let’s put our differences aside to focus on him rather than blaming each other?”

The question caught Rin off guard, he seemed genuinely concerned for Nitori’s well being, barely even raising a hand to Rin despite being attacked and cornered in his own room. Was it possible that in his jealous mind he’d created this whole story? The fact remained that someone was hurting Nitori, someone was beating him, but now he wasn’t so sure it was the boy in front of him.

“Alright.” He nodded, accepting a momentary truce, but he would be keeping his eye on Kai.

“Good. Think you could let me go?” Kai asked with a small smile.

“Oh right, sorry.” He apologised, releasing his hold and taking a step back.

“It’s fine.” He smiled, sorting out the now ruffled collar.

“So, what’s the plan now?” Rin asked, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment.

“Wait it out I guess, Ai will slip up and when he does we’ll be ready, find this guy and beat the shit out of him. Together.” Kai said.

“Sounds good to me.” He grinned.

He was looking forward to the moment he could finally make them pay for what they are doing to Nitori, whoever they were they wouldn’t be able to walk after Rin got through with them.

“I best be getting off, got to meet some friends.” Rin lied, despite their common ground of Nitori they had no other bonds.

“Course.” Kai nodded. “See you around Rin.”

“Sure.” He replied, backing out the room and back to his dorm to find Nitori, once again, had mysteriously vanished.

…

Nitori felt slightly embarrassed that he’d woken up alone this morning, but he knew it was irrational. Rin didn’t owe him anything, last night had been a friendly gesture during a time of need, not the start of something new in their relationship. Rin had better things to do than wait around for his kohai to wake up, have hushed and whispered conversations that lasted well into the afternoon, never one realising how much time had passed.

Despite how much Nitori had dreamed of those simple moments.

In an attempt to get Rin out his mind, Nitori headed towards his boyfriends dorm, knowing that he should be the boy that haunted his dreams but unfortunately it never seemed to be that way.

With a forced smile he knocked on Kai’s door, the expression quickly falling when the door flew open and he took in the sight. His eyes grew wide as he looked at the bloodied tissue pressed to his lip, the bruises along his cheek bones, the red swell around his eye.

“Oh, it’s you.” Kai muttered, turning away and walking inside his room.

Without thinking Nitori followed him inside, gently shutting the door behind him, he’s instinct took over, he wanted to protect Kai, wanted to take away his pain. Nobody deserved it.

“Who did this to you?” Nitori asked, walking over to where he was sat on the bed.

“Why don’t you ask your precious Rin if you want to know who did this to me?” He sneered.

“Rin-senpai did this?” He gasped in disbelief, so unlike his roommate to lash out at someone he barely knew.

“Why would I lie about that?” Kai snapped, furrowing his eyebrows.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged helplessly. “But why did he do it?”

“You can drop the little innocent act now Nitori.” He scoffed.

“What are you talking about?” He asked, tilting his head in confusion.

“You don’t think I haven’t work it all out?” He cried, standing tall again. “That you always run into Matsuoka’s arms? That you look at him with those wide, sad eyes and make him think you’re this poor tortured soul?”

“It’s not like that.” He nervously stuttered, trying to back away only to have Kai quickly close the gap between him.

“But you only tell him half the story don’t you?” He questioned, trapping him against the wall. “You forget to mention how you provoke me. How you tease me mercilessly then back down at the last minute, leaving me frustrated.”

Before he could even react a hand slapped him across the cheek, forcing his head into the wall behind him with a loud crunch.

“You make me out to be this horrible person but he doesn’t know how bad you can be too.” Kai shouted, kneeing Nitori harshly in his hip.

Nitori felt his legs shake, begging to crumble but Kai’s fingers dug into his shoulders, keeping him up and against the wall, pressing his back hard into the solid barrier.

“Does he realise you’re just playing him? Just playing me? Of course he doesn’t.” He ranted, refusing to break to allow Nitori to defend himself. “He thinks you’re perfect, he thinks you’re so sweet, so innocent. But he doesn’t know you like I do, he doesn’t know the real you.”

“Of course he doesn’t!” Nitori groaned as he felt his feet lifting off the floor. “Only you know me because we love each other and only each other.”

He tried to reassure, to show that Kai needn’t be envious of Rin, that their friendship had no effect on their relationship, but he knew it was hopeless. Nitori had seen this glazed over look enough times to know there was no talking him down, that his mind had become detached from his body. The Kai that loved him was locked away deep inside to be replaced by this jealous monster.

“Do you really think he’ll want you if he knew everything you do with me? If he knew what a dirty little whore you are?” He asked, completely ignoring Nitori’s previous statement, but he continued to try to bring his Kai back.

“Who cares what he thinks? All I need is you to want me. Matsuoka-senpai can think what he likes, it’s only your opinion I care about. I only care about your love.” He pleaded.

Kai rolled his eyes in response, quickly releasing his hold he had on the younger boy and watching with satisfaction as he fell to the ground in a heap.

“Who said you had my love?” Kai mocked, looking down in disgust at Nitori.

Nitori felt the familiar prick at the back of his eyes at the words, tears building as it all slowly sunk in. Kai was right about Rin, he wouldn’t be so quick to protect him if he knew how much he deserved it but that didn’t matter as long as he had Kai, as long as someone loved him. But without Kai he’d be alone, nobody would ever want him, he wasn’t worthy of anybody’s love, he was lucky Kai even looked twice at him.

He couldn’t lose him.

Loud sobs echoed out through the room as Nitori broke down, tears spilling down his cheeks as he buried his face in his knees.

“Save the waterworks, they only work on Matsuoka.” Kai muttered, toeing slightly at the weeping ball on his floor.

Slowly Kai’s anger began to disperse, the cries reaching inside him and squeezing his heart with guilt.

“Shit, Ai, I’m sorry.” He apologised, dropping to his knees and pulling his boyfriend into his arms.

“Please don’t stop loving me.” Nitori cried.

“Of course, I could never do that.” He promised. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” He hiccupped, tightly gripping the material of Kai’s shirt, too scared to ever let him go.

…

Nitori made his way back to his room, anger simmering through his whole body. Rin had almost ruined his relationship, taken away the one person who would ever care about him. And why? Just a petty little need to be the alpha male, to show he was still the dominate presence in Nitori’s life.

But not anymore, Nitori would free himself from Rin’s hold, he’d have no claim over him any longer. He needed to show Kai that he was all he would ever need, nobody else. Nobody, especially not Rin, would return his feelings like Kai would.

As he neared the door to his dorm the hatred bubbled up to his throat like a thick bile that made him want to scream. Why did Rin have to get involved? After months of ignoring him why now did he suddenly care?

Furiously, Nitori threw open the door, all the pain and hurt he’d felt for the past few months came to the surface. He knew he was taking it out on the wrong person but he needed the release.

Rin jumped as the door clattered against the wall, looking up from his desk at the fuming boy in the doorway.

“Nitori? Are you okay?” He questioned.

“No I’m not.” He harshly replied, kicking the door shut once again.

“Why? What’s happened?” He asked, the concern lacing his tone made Nitori want to cringe.

Why was he pretending to care? What was he possibly gain from faking?

“You! Why did you think you were helping? You just made it worse.” Nitori shouted, striding across the room to look down at Rin still sat on his chair.

“Made what worse? I don’t understand what you’re…” Rin trailed off as he noticed Nitori’s red, raw cheek. “How did you…”

Rin reached up to stroke his face only for Nitori to flinch back, he couldn’t fall for this again. He couldn’t let himself believe there was something between them as it only caused him pain.

“Who is doing this to you?” Rin asked, pushing himself out his chair.

“You already know.” Nitori muttered. “You went round and attacked him today.”

“Kai?” He cried, eyes widening.

Nitori nodded mutely in response, the truth finally out in the open, finally confirmed after weeks of speculations.

“But he told me… I’m going to kill him.” Rin growled, pushing past Nitori to the door. “I’m going to rip that boy to shreds.”

“Senpai! Don’t!” Nitori shouted, grabbing onto his wrist, desperately pulling to stop him. “This isn’t your place to get involved.”

“Believe me, it is. Nobody hurts the people I love.” He told him, his anger blocking out the confession.

“It doesn’t happen that much.” Nitori said, trying desperately to justify Kai.

He knew how their relationship would look to an outsider, they would only focus on the negatives, not even bothering to consider the tender, loving moments the pair often shared.

“It shouldn’t happen at all!” He yelled, but his anger wasn’t at Nitori. No matter how frustrated he got at his naivety he knew Kai was really the one to blame.

“I can handle it, I don’t need your help.” He shouted defiantly, sounding like a teenager talking to his parent, if Rin wasn’t so worried about his friend he’d almost find the situation funny.

“You clearly do, do you realise how stupid you’re being Nitori?” He sighed.

“I’m not! He loves me senpai, you wouldn’t understand.” He pouted, crossing his arms over his chest.

Unfortunately Rin understood perfectly, he knew what it felt like to love the wrong person, to be so hopelessly devoted to that other person despite knowing the feelings would never be returned. You’d take anything, the smallest gesture and convince yourself it meant something more just to make the whole shitty situation somewhat bearable.

Suddenly, the high pitched ringtone of Nitori’s phone broke the silence, echoing eerily in the quiet room. With quick reflexes Rin reached into Nitori’s pocket and grabbed the phone, ignoring the call before even checking the caller I.D, it was obvious who it would be anyway.

“Give me that back.” Nitori protested, jumping for the phone Rin now held in the air.

Rin placed the phone on top of their shared cupboard, knowing Nitori would be far too small to ever reach the device for himself.

“I forbid you from seeing him!” Rin shouted irrationally, once again reminding of a parent child relationship.

“You can’t do that, you can’t tell me what to do! I’m not just some pathetic little child you can push around!” He shouted, defending himself in a way he never felt confident enough to do around Kai.

“You’re right, your boyfriend does a good enough job of that for me.” He snapped, regretting the words as soon as they’d left his mouth, as soon as the gasp had escaped Nitori’s lips, as soon as the pain had shot across his eyes.

“I hate you.” He said, glaring up the older boy.

Before Nitroi could control himself the tears came again, shaking his whole body as they fell. He wasn’t sure what he felt right now, anger, pain, regret, or who it was aimed at but once again his dam burst and the tears flowed uncontrollably.

In panic, Rin ran forward and wrapped his arms around Nitori, pressing him a little too firmly into his chest but the other boy didn’t care. Instead he inhaled the familiar smell and felt safe.

“I hate you.” Nitori whispered, fingers once again curling around the soft material of a shirt and refusing to let go. “I hate you so much.”

“I know you do.” Rin replied, gently rocking him from side to side as his tears soaked through the thin fabric to his skin.

The shrill cry of his phone rung out again but neither boy made an effort to grab it, the only movement was subtle, barely noticeable to an outsider. Nobody would notice the red head lean down slightly and press a kiss into a silver crown, nobody would notice that the simple gesture soothed the smaller boy, nobody would notice that his tears quickly dried as they held each other.

Nobody would notice except the two figures caught up in each other’s embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, feels like forever since I updated this! Hope it was worth the wait :)


	8. Chapter 8

Rin wasn’t sure when it had happened but he’d managed to manoeuvre the pair of them until they both were lying down on his bed, still wrapped up in each other’s arms despite the fact that Nitori’s sobs had now reduced to the occasional snuffle.

“Can I say something?” Rin asked, finally breaking the silence in the room.

“Depends what it is.” Nitori mumbled, burying his face deeper in the warmth of the older boy’s chest.

“It’s about Kai.” He admitted, almost in a whisper as if a too loud noise would scare Nitori away.

“Rin, please.” He begged, shaking his head usually. “Don’t.”

Nitori really didn’t want to hear what Rin had to say, he knew it would be nothing he hadn’t thought himself, hadn’t plagued his mind at three in the morning when he couldn’t sleep but pushed down to the back of his mind. But coming from someone else it was more difficult to ignore, more difficult to pretend it was all alright.

“He doesn’t make you happy.” Rin said, ignoring his protests.

“You don’t know that.” Nitori responded.

“I do, if he did you would have denied what I said straight away but you didn’t because deep down you know I’m right.” He told him, tightening his arms as he felt the other boy trying to wiggle away from him.

“Rin, you don’t know him like I do. You’re only seeing the bad things but there’s more to us than that.” He defended.

Nitori pushed away, he needed to get away, he needed Rin’s scent to stop surrounding him so he could think straight but he knew the struggle was futile. Rin’s hold stood firm until Nitori admitted defeat and relaxed in his arms again.

“Say it.” Rin whispered. “Just say it and I’ll let it drop.”

“Say what?” He questioned.

“Say he makes you happy and I’ll forget everything.” He said.

“I… He… I’m… I can’t.” He sighed, silent tears seeping from his eyes.

He could say it, they both knew it wouldn’t take much, but it was another lie that Nitori couldn’t bring himself to utter.

“Leave him.” It was said so quietly that it almost went unheard but the words filled Nitori’s ear, a simple statement that shot through his heart.

Nitori couldn’t leave him, they loved each other, they needed each other. He couldn’t expect Rin to understand, he didn’t need anyone he was better off alone but Nitori didn’t work that way, he knew he was better as part of a pair. He needed the stability of someone’s warmth, someone’s love, he needed Kai no matter what.

“I can’t.” He told him, pushing away and this time Rin let him go.

“Why?” Rin asked.

“I need him.” Nitori said, sitting up in the bed and staring hard at the floor underneath his feet.

“You don’t, you don’t need someone who treats you like that. You can do better.” He explained, pushing himself up on his bed so he was sat next to him.

“Really? Who?” He scoffed.

“I… I don’t know. Anyone.” Rin mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck, embarrassed.

What exactly was he meant to say? You could date me instead, I’d be so much better for you than that idiot you call a boyfriend. Even if it were the truth he’d be arrogant to assume that Nitori would be flattered by the chance to date him.

“They wouldn’t, nobody has ever been interested in me before Kai, I’m not going to lose him over a few flaws.” He replied.

“It’s more than a few.” He muttered.

“I’ll talk to him senpai, but I’m not leaving him.” He said firmly.

“Alright.” Rin nodded, realising by this point it was the best he was going to get, slowly he’d help Nitori but it had to be at the younger boys own pace. “But as soon as he hurts you again you tell me straight away.”

Nitori nodded slightly at the comment but it wasn’t enough for Rin.

“Promise.” He demanded, forcing Nitori’s face up to look in his eyes.

“I promise.” He agreed.

“Good, now I’m getting tired.” Rin said, flopping back down on his bed but leaving a very sizable gap next to him.

“We should probably sleep.” Nitori bit his lip as he stared at the inviting space, wanting nothing more than the warmth of Rin’s embrace again but he knew he shouldn’t.

“Yeah.” He nodded, looking at the other boy expectantly.

Without any more overthinking Nitori gently lay down, scooting closer until he was pressed flush against Rin’s chest. It wasn’t helping the situation, he knew that, but he was passed the point of caring. For once he just wanted to pretend he was happy.

…

“You smell strange.” Kai said as he pulled Nitori close.

“I do?” Nitori stuttered nervously, he’d woken up that morning reeking of Rin but he couldn’t bring himself to shower and get rid of the only reminder that he had of last night.

“Yeah, it’s not you.” He simply stated, taking a step back and staring down at the smaller boy.

“It’s probably just Rin’s aftershave, he’d always very generous with it if he’d heading to Iwatobi.” He laughed, walking further into the room and settling down on Kai’s bed.

He knew he didn’t smell like Rin’s synthetic aftershave, he knew it was his natural scent that was a mixture chlorine, tangy drinks and a scent he couldn’t place his finger on but whenever he smelt it he knew it was undoubtedly Rin.

“There’s something I need to talk to you about.” Nitori admitted, nervously twiddling his thumbs.

“Me too actually.” Kai smiled, sitting down next to him on the bed.

“Why don’t you go first?” He offered, knowing he had no idea how to approach his conversation with Kai, right now he needed a distraction.

“I’m ready.” He whispered, leaning in close and peppering Nitori’s neck with soft kisses.

“Ready for what?” He moaned, enjoying the momentarily tender treatment.

“Oh Ai, you’re precious.” Kai laughed slightly against his skin. “I’m ready to be with you fully.”

Nitori’s eyes widened in panic as he felt hands slipping down his back towards his butt, gripping a cheek and giving it a firm squeeze.

“No.” He shook his head, backing away from the older boy’s touch. “I’m not ready.”

“Come on Ai, you know you want to.” He smirked.

Nitori was never given a chance to respond before he was pushed down flat on the bed, a tall figure looming over with eyes darkened with lust, clouded over so they could no longer see the fear in the other.

Lips were forced together, wet kisses echoing through the room as Kai forced Nitori’s trousers and boxers down around his knees. Sobs rippled through his chest as he felt a hand grab onto his member and deliver rough strokes.

“Please, stop.” He cried, wishing Kai could hear his pleas but they fell on deaf ears.

“Look at you Ai, look how excited you are.” He whispered in his ear, the endless friction slowly arousing Nitori’s body against his will.

“Kai.” He begged, wanting to be freed from this prison of arms and legs pinning him to the bed.

“It’s okay baby, me too.” He groaned, guiding Nitori’s hand down to the hard tent forming in his trousers.

Nitori gasped, he didn’t want this, he wasn’t ready. He pulled his hand back, accidently giving him a stroke as he withdrew.

“God Ai, you’re so sexy.” Kai growled, biting down on his neck.

Suddenly the weight pressed down on him was gone and Kai was stood up once again, hurriedly ripping his clothes from his body. Nitori was frozen, it was his chance to leave but he couldn’t move, under the wanting gaze he was paralysed.

He watched as Kai’s erection was freed, pressing against his stomach and he was thrown back to reality, back in the situation he didn’t want to be.

“You too.” Kai said, climbing back on the bed, pulling his bottoms off fully.

Nitori held the hem of his shirt down, trying to maintain what little dignity he had but he knew he knew he was no match for Kai. Once two hands joined his on the shirt the garment was quickly discarded across the room.

“Don’t be shy.” Kai grinned, kissing down his body, tongue teasing his nipples. Tears doubled down Nitori’s cheeks when his body reacted to the stimulation, betraying his true feelings.

“Kai, please stop. I don’t want this.” He pleaded, a last attempt to break through to Kai and snap him out of his state.

“Stop teasing me.” Kai grinned. “I know you want this.”

Nitori looked up at Kai in dread, he knew it was too late at this point. God how he wished he could be stronger, how he wished he could just be open with his own boyfriend. Kai deserved better than this, he deserved someone who wanted to be with him as much as he did with them, who wanted all aspects that came with their relationship.

Nitori felt himself being turned over and placed face down on the bed, Kai forcibly bending his knees so his butt was in the air, open and inviting for him.

He screamed out as Kai forced a dry finger inside him, probing inside him deeply with each thrust. Nitori could feel no pleasure from the intrusion, just a sharp pain as his whole was stretched by another finger.

“You’re so tight.” Kai complimented as he scissored his fingers but Nitori felt no joy from the words, he felt numb, he tried to force his mind to leave his body.

Nitori whimpered as the fingers were pulled out of him quickly, the dry skin rubbing against him uncomfortably.

“I can’t wait any longer.” Kai said, slicking his hard cock with the pre-come that had leaked out at the sight of Nitori swallowing his fingers.

Nitori cried out as Kai roughly entered him, granted it had gone in far smoother than the fingers it was still too much too fast. The burning inside him making his body inadvertently tensing around the thickness inside him, a low moan escaping Kai at the sensation.

Kai started a quick pace straight away, giving Nitori no time to adjust to the stretch, only forcing himself deeper and deeper each time.

Inside Nitori screamed, so loud it could shatter bones but no noise escaped him. The scream never left his throat, too trapped by shock, by fear, by shame. He listened to Kai’s moans, felt his breath against his neck, wishing he could escape into the moment, join his boyfriend in the throes of pleasure but he couldn’t. Whatever his body felt his mind fought against.

With each thrust, Kai got closer to that bundle of nerves and when the head hit them Nitori cried out, he couldn’t stop himself, his hips bucked and for the first time since this whole relationship had started Nitori felt forced pleasure.

“It feels good doesn’t it baby?” Kai whispered, licking the shell of his ear. “You like this don’t you Ai?”

Nitori wanted to protest, wanted to tell the truth but each time Kai hit that bundle of nerves inside he lost his voice to stuttering.

“Look at you. You’re so turned on.” Kai moaned, gently stroking Ai’s hard dick, which had been leaking against his own accord onto the bed.

As Kai continued to thrust inside him Nitori felt himself overcome with guilt. Kai thought he wanted this, he thought Nitori was turned on but he didn’t realise in truth he was disgusted. How was he to know each slap of skin made him feel sick, each kiss on his neck repulsed him, each stroke on his dick sent the wrong kind of shivers down his spine.

Kai loved him, wanted to be with him fully but yet he could never have him as a part of Nitori always seemed to hold him back, never let himself immerse in the moment, a constant snide voice telling him everything was wrong.

“Ai, I’m gonna cum.” He growled, forcing his hips forward one last time before he released deep inside him, filling him up.

With deep breaths Kai pulled out, letting his body roll away onto the bed.

“That was amazing.” Kai panted, pushing his hair back.

“Sure.” Nitori half-heartedly agreed, lying down as well on his side, trying to curl in on himself and ignore the hot semen seeping out his body.

“I’m sorry Ai.” Kai whispered, shuffling behind the other boy so their bodies were flush. “You didn’t cum.”

“It’s fine.” He shook his head but Kai wouldn’t take that as an answer.

A hand snaked around Nitori’s hips and tightly gripped his still hard cock, stroking quickly to bring him to completion.

Nitori didn’t want to cum, that made it real, it made what had happened acceptable. But despite how much he tried to hold himself back Kai’s arm never stilled and soon his toes were curling, his head was being thrown back and his body was releasing his pleasure.

Just like that it was no longer one sided, Nitori had wanted this just as much as Kai had. All along he’d been right, he kept whispering how much he knew the younger boy had wanted this and at the end of the day it turned out Kai knew him better than he knew himself.

Nitori panted harshly, coming down from the high quickly, and despite the body right behind him he fell the chill creeping around his body.

“What did you want to tell me?” Kai asked, kissing his shoulder, throwing Nitori back to their previous conversation.

“Oh that, it was nothing.” He shrugged, rolling over and pressing his body even closer.

What was there to say anymore? Kai knew Nitori better than he even knew himself, anything he would say could possibly ruin what they had and he could never risk that.

…

As Nitori walked back to his room the moment they had shared didn’t seem so pure, out of Kai’s arms, basking in the afterglow of their combined passion it became tainted. Tears spilled down his cheeks as he realised he’d been forced, what he felt hadn’t been real.

Hesitantly, he opened his door, hoping Rin would still be out so he would be able to have some time to himself to wrap his mind around what had happened. But luck wasn’t on his side, as soon as he walked in he noticed the familiar figure lying on his bed and reading a magazine.

“Hey, how did it go?” Rin asked, dropping his magazine.

As soon as he looked up and saw his face he knew the answer, it hadn’t gone well and Nitori was broken again after spending all of last night fixing him.

“What happened?” He questioned, eyes filled with sympathy.

Nitori’s mouth hung open uselessly, Rin could never know the truth, he could never know how filthy he was, if he knew what had happened he’d never hold him again as they slept.

“Please tell me.” He begged.

Without an answer, Nitori ran into the bathroom, Rin hot on his trail but the door was slammed and locked in his face before he had a chance to reach him.

“Nitori! Please!” Rin shouted, knocking on the door.

“Go away!” He tried to call back but his voice broke through his tears.

“Let me in! I just want to help.” He offered, his knocks softening to gentle taps.

Nitori backed away from the door, his legs almost catching on the shower but his hands grabbed the curtain before he fell.

Turning around he turned on the shower, throwing his clothes off and jumping in. Standing under the spray as the water slowly warmed up until it was scolding his skin but he needed the heat.

He was dirty, every part of him, even his insides, no amount of water and soap could ever cleanse him. He scrubbed at his skin until it was red raw but he didn’t feel clean, the lingering grime always remained.

Tears fell down his cheeks, mixing into the water around him as he continually abused his skin until it was sore.

…

Hours later Nitori emerged from the bathroom, his clothes thrown in the bin as he was sure he would never be able to wear them again with a clear conscious. He looked around for Rin and found him slumped against the wall next to the bathroom door, chest gently rising and falling with sleep.

Nitori sighed slightly at the sight, here was someone who cared about him, who loved him in their own special way but yet it wasn’t enough for him, it never would be. He needed more, he needed to be completely desired by the other person just to know he had even an ounce of value in this world.

Dropping the towel around his waist he quickly pulled on his bed clothes, refusing to look at his blotchy skin that he’d rubbed so hard during his shower patches had peeled away. He knew the evidence of what had happened would just cause more pain and he needed to be strong, strong enough to handle Kai’s love.

He glanced towards his bed and then back at the boy on the floor, he knew which would be the comfier option, which one wouldn’t result in an awful crick in the neck in the morning. But yet, he still found himself crawling towards the other boy, shuffling around him awkwardly until he was safely nestled between his legs, back pressed against chest.

In his sleep Rin reached out for the warm body, loosely wrapping his arms around the waist and sighing deeply as he inhaled the scent from his soft silver hair.

Nitori allowed himself his first smile in hours before lightly placing his hands atop of the pair that rested on his stomach, once again falling asleep in his senpai’s warm embrace, feeling completely safe and at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the result of a lonely weekend as everyone I know seems to have paired off with people within walking distance while I have to deal with a three hour car drive, so if it seems overly bitter about romance you know why :p
> 
> New found respect for Rintori and their long distance relationship, Australia to Japan must be a bitch and there is no way Rin would let his Ai get away from him and nobody can convince me otherwise!


	9. Chapter 9

Nitori sat hunched over his desk, the words on his homework sheet blurring into a jumble of symbols and lines. He could practically feel Rin’s eyes on his back, questions hanging in the air between them.

“Nitori?” Rin called out, no longer able to handle the silence. “Can we talk?”

He didn’t want to talk, he knew what talking led to. Too many secrets were revealed when he spoke to Rin, things he needed to keep to himself to his dying day. He could never let his senpai know how disgusting he was, all the vulgar things he’d done.

Instead of responding Nitori shook his head.

“Alright, I’ll talk and you can listen, that sound fair?” He questioned, pulling up his chair besides Nitori.

Again Nitori shook his head.

“Well, I’m going to do it anyway.” He told him, and much to his surprise Nitori didn’t fight, he just accepted it. “Things didn’t go well the other night with Kai, did they?”

A small shake of the head was Rin’s only reply.

“Did he hit you?”

Another shake.

“Did he… Shit.” Rin sighed, not believing this question was coming from his lips. “Did he sexually abuse you?”

Nitori froze, fingers tight around his pencil before shaking his head. But it was too late, Rin had seen the hesitation.

“Nitori, look at me. Did he rape you?” He questioned, voice cracking slightly.

He shook his head, mind begging to run but body paralyzed.

“Look at me.” Rin demanded, grabbing Nitori’s face and pulling it up so they were eye to eye.

“Don’t touch me!” Nitori shouted, pushing his hands away.

“Nitori.” He whispered, it was the first time the other boy had spoken in at least two days and he knew he needed to tread carefully.

“I’m sick of being touched.” He mumbled, trembles shaking through his entire body.

“Please, just talk to me.” Rin begged, wanting to reach out for Nitori, hold him close and ease his pain but he’d respect his wishes. He needed space.

“I can’t.” He said, once again shaking his head.

“Why?” He asked softly.

“Because if you knew you wouldn’t look at me anymore.” He cried. “You’d hate if you knew the truth.”

“I could never hate you.” He reassured.

Nitori let his head drop onto his desk, great sobs wracking his whole body as they shuddered out his body. His homework was getting ruined by drop after drop of salty tears but he didn’t care, he didn’t care about anything anymore he just wanted it all to end. He murmured something into his desk, too muffled for Rin to make out.

“What?” He asked, Nitori’s head lifting at the question.

“Senpai should hate me.” He hissed. “I’m disgusting.”

“Why would you think that?” He whispered.

“I’m dirty.” He told him, shuffling in his chair so he was hugging his knees. “I’m a dirty slut. Disgusting, dirty, dirty slut.”

His voice dropped to a low whisper, chanting the same insults repeatedly to himself as a mantra.

“Ai, stop it.” Rin begged.

“I need to take a shower.” Nitori announced, pushing away from his desk and running the bathroom, locking the door firmly behind him.

This happened most days, Nitori would shower at least three times and they would always be long. Almost as if he couldn’t shake the invisible dirt he felt was there. He’d always come out red, skin raw from vigorous scrubbing but there was nothing Rin could do to stop him.

They both felt completely helpless.

…

Two hours later, a raw, wrinkly Nitori emerged from the bathroom, Rin long gone.

_He can’t bear to be around me._ Nitori thought bitterly to himself. _Why would he want to live with such a filthy person?_

He let his towel fall from his body, the cold barely nipping at his skin. He felt completely numb. He quickly dressed and sat back at his desk, hoping to finish his homework but it was gone. In fact his entire desk had been cleaned except a post-it note from Rin, he recognised the shark shaped paper immediately, a gag gift for his last birthday.

With a sigh, Nitori plucked the note off his desk and read it.

_Ai, I’ve gone for a jog. Try and get some rest but if you need me I’ve got my phone. Rin x._

Nitori tried not to let his heart flutter at the note, it was nothing special, hardly a love confession. But he still felt his body heat up at the simple words, blushing at the kiss at the end.

Taking Rin’s advice, he decided to try and have a nap, he’s not had more than three hours sleep these past few days. Every time he closes his eyes he sees Kai leaning over him, feels his hands touching his skin, his hot breath on his neck and he feels sick. Many night’s he had to rush to the bathroom to vomit, either Rin hasn’t noticed or has the sense not to mention it.

Feeling particularly lazy Nitori settles down on Rin’s bed, not wanting to bother with his ladder. Besides, it will just be a power nap but the time the red head returns from his run he’d be awake anyway.

After less than five minutes Nitori already finds himself settling into sleep, his head feels heavy as he sinks into the soft mattress. At least until there is a knock at the door.

He glares slightly, as if that will stop the banging but in reality it makes no difference. With a groan, he throws himself off the bed.

Why would Rin suggest he has a nap if he’s just going to knock on the door when he gets back? Unless he forgot his keys, but they very rarely locked their door so it would hardly be an issue, nobody really did. It was just a given you knocked before entering, no answer meant they were out and come back later, it was a trustworthy school like that.

Once Nitori reached the door he gave the door knob an experimental turn, indicating the door wasn’t locked and Rin wasn’t on the other side.

His blood turned cold, already predicting who would be waiting for him. He could only stay hidden for so long before his bad decisions would come back to haunt him.

Slowly he pulled open the door, trying his hardest to hide his trembling limbs.

“Hello Kai.” He gulped.

“Hey Ai.” Kai smiled, swiftly placing a kiss on the younger boy’s lips. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I’ve been ill.” He lied, backing into the room as Kai forced his way inside.

“That’s a shame. I missed you.” He said softly.

He looked at Nitori with sad eyes and the boy found guilt eating away at his heart. Kai loved him, missed him and he’d just been avoiding him. He was an awful person, they’d made love and he’d hidden.

“I missed you too.” He smiled, running into Kai’s arms.

They held each other, Nitori basking in their love. He adored moments like this, when Kai was tender with him but he knew it would be short lived, they always were.

“I’ve been thinking about that night.” Kai whispered against his ear.

“You have?” He squeaked as Kai bit down softly on his lobe.

“Yeah, I need to feel you again.” He licked around the shell of Nitori’s ear, causing a nervous shiver down his spine.

“Maybe another time, I’m still a little ill.” He tried refuse but the arms around his waist locked, there was no escape.

“It’s fine, I don’t mind if I catch it.” He smirked.

Kai pushed Nitori back, the pair of them moving until his knees caught on the bed, a scream escaping his lips as he fell on Rin’s bed. Without waiting Kai climbing on top of him, pressing hot kisses to his neck.

“Not here. This is Rin’s bed.” Nitori protested.

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” He shrugged, pulling the other boys shirt off.

They couldn’t do this here, Rin was a good soul, he was pure. He didn’t deserve this disgusting act to take place on his bed. He wasn’t dirty like Nitori, he wasn’t filthy.

“Turn over.” Kai breathed against his chest.

“No.” He shook his head, tears seeping out his eyes at the thought of Rin finding out, knowing how awful he was, how vulgar he became around Kai.

“I said turn over!” Kai growled, flipping Nitori over until he was face down on the bed.

He felt the cold air hit his backside as Kai pulled his trousers down, bunching around his knees as he bared all.

He heard shuffling behind him, Kai no doubt undressing himself but Nitori was barely registering the movement. Instead he inhaled deeply, surrounding himself with the rich scent of Rin. He could pretend he wasn’t here, he could pretend he was with his senpai, lying on their bed watching a film, pretend he was helping him with his homework, pretend he was holding his ankles down as he did his sit-ups.

Anything but the situation he was in.

But he would never imagine Rin was touching him, he would never imagine Rin’s breath on his neck, he would never imagine Rin’s kiss running down his spine. He would never soil his senpai’s innocence like that, he was a lot of talk but Nitori knew he was still pure.

“I’m going to make you come all across Matsuoka’s pillow.” Kai whispered in his ear.

“No!” Nitori shouted, he couldn’t taint Rin’s personal space like that.

But his pleas fell on deaf ears, instead Kai dripped liquid against his hole, rubbing the tight muscle before forcing a finger inside. Nitori crying out at the intrusion.

“You feel so good.” He complimented.

“Please stop.” He begged.

How would he explain himself to Rin? He’d have to tell him the truth and he’d hate Nitori for it. He’d ask to change rooms, he’d never speak to him again, he’d lose one of the only good things he had left.

“I don’t want to Kai! Please.” He cried, tears soaking into Rin’s pillow.

“You like this don’t you Ai?” Kai asked, pressing his hard dick against Nitori’s entrance.

“No. Please. If you love me you’ll stop.” He sobbed, never before being able to vocalise but even so it seemed to make no difference.

“I’m showing you how much I love you.” He disagreed, pushing his head inside the barely prepared hole.

“Stop!” He screamed in pain.

Suddenly it was gone, the pressure of Kai leaning on him, the force on his inside muscles. He’d finally got through to Kai, he finally understood what he needed. Nitori turned over, ready to hold his boyfriend close, promise that with time they’d get there but they needed to wait but he wasn’t beside him on the bed. He was on the other side of the room and he wasn’t alone.

Rin stood between them, shaking as he pinned Kai to the wall, arm pressed against his neck.

“Senpai?” Nitori said softly, far too shocked to remember how exposed he was.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Rin growled.

“Come on Matsuoka, you’re an old enough to know what that was.” Kai teased.

“He doesn’t want it.” He told him, pushing his arm into his windpipe.

“You clearly don’t know Ai well enough.” He wheezed. “He was loving it.”

“He’s crying and shouting no. That doesn’t exactly scream consent to me.” He yelled, spit flying onto Kai’s face.

“He’s always been a tease.” He smirked.

Seeing red, Rin pulled his fist back and punched, Kai’s head snapping to one side at the impact.

“Christ, you’re a psycho.” Kai accused, breaking out of Rin’s hold and pressing his hand to his pulsing eye.

“Coming from you?” Rin scoffed.

He made another grab for the older boy, forcing his face against the wall while he clutched his arms behind his back, holding him hostage.

“Now, you listen to me.” He hissed. “You are never to touch Ai again. Understand?”

“Why should I listen to you?” Kai asked.

“My room my rules.” He told him. “Now get the fuck out.”

Manhandling him to the door Rin pushed Kai out the room, discarded clothes thrown in his face as an afterthought before locking him out. He expected more of a fight from Kai, banging to be let back in but he supposed the boy didn’t want to draw focus to the fact he’d been kicked out into the halls naked.

Rin pressed his head against the door, calming his nerves before he spoke to Nitori. He felt sickened, how could Kai do that to him? Nitori was so gentle, so caring and to be used like that was unforgivable.

“Ai, are you okay?” Rin questioned, turning towards the boy on his bed.

“Senpai.” He whispered, looking down at his bare lap in disgust.

He was still crying, his small body shaking as it dealt with the shock, the intrusion.

Wordlessly, Rin walked over to him, gently pulling his shirt over his head. He helped him into a standing position and dragged his boxers and trousers back up. Covering him up and trying to restore his dignity.

“Senpai?” He asked, almost as if it were the only word he could say.

“It’s alright Ai.” He reassured. “Kai’s gone.”

Just with those simple words Nitori snapped, gone was the confusion that clouded his eyes and instead was replaced with anger.

“Why?” He frowned.

“Because he was hurting you.” Rin explained.

“He wouldn’t hurt me, he loves me.” Nitori defended, taking a step back from Rin. Almost as if this boy had wronged him rather than Kai.

“Jesus Ai! Can’t you see how fucked up all this is?” Rin asked in exasperation.

“You don’t understand!” Nitori shouted back.

“Do you understand? He was raping you! He hits you. He belittles you every single day. Why the fuck do you think you need him?” He questioned.

“Because he’s the best I’m ever going to get!” He cried.

Embarrassed, Nitori wiped his tears away before running around Rin towards the door. The older boy stood in shock, watching as Nitori dashed from the room.

Why couldn’t he see how perfect he was? He didn’t need somebody like Kai to be loved, hell he was loved long before he’d even met the boy. But of course he didn’t know that, because Rin had been too chicken to ever tell him, too stubborn to let his feelings show. So Nitori had sought out love from a different source, a worse source because that’s all he thought he was worth.

If Rin had just been a little braver he could have saved his precious Ai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God it's been a while :/ I really need to work on my updating!


	10. Chapter 10

After a moment of staring at their dorm door like a gawking fish Rin regained some of his senses and quickly followed after Nitori, tearing into the corridor at such force he slammed into the opposite wall.

He pumped his legs, knowing he’d be able to catch up to the other boy quickly. He’d always been faster, always had a wider stride and he’d never been more grateful for it before tonight.

As he ran he soon noticed a mop of silver hair bouncing, slower than usual. Nitori was stumbling as he tried to run, he was hurting, he was defeated, he was frail.

“Ai!” Rin called out, close enough now to grab hold of the other boy’s wrist.

“Let go of me.” Nitori weakly protested, wiggling his arm to free him of the hold but Rin was firm.

“We’re going back.” He said, pulling slightly so that Nitori was forced to follow after him.

“No, I need to see Kai.” He shook his head but made no real attempts to walk away.

“Not tonight Ai.” Rin instructed but Nitori finally had enough.

He was always being told what to do, who to see, where to be, how to act. And he was getting sick of it. Rin. Mikoshiba. Kai. They all thought he was just this pathetic little boy who they could control but not anymore.

He was a human and he didn’t deserve this.

“Stop telling me what to do!” Nitori shouted, slapping Rin’s hand away.

Rin turned around in shock, watching as the other boy frowned and clenched his fists. He knew Nitori’s anger was wrongly directed but he also knew that it needed to come out, and if Rin needed to be a punch bag he would be.

But not in the middle of the hall where he didn’t doubt a number of his classmates were pressed close to the door to hear the drama better. He knew his next action would only add fuel to Nitori’s already blazing fire but at this point it was his only hope.

“Sorry.” Rin apologised before reaching forward and throwing the smaller boy over his shoulder.

“Senpai!” Nitori screamed. “Put me down!”

“When we get back to our room.” He calmly stated, despite the boy trying to punch holes into his back – trying being the operative word, his hits were surprisingly gentle.

Nitori growled in frustration before giving up and letting his body hang uselessly over Rin’s shoulder, he really wished people would stop doing this to him. Just because he was small didn’t mean he deserved to be manhandled.

Rin sighed as crossed the threshold of their room, door left wide open from he ran out earlier without a second thought. He gently set Nitori back on his feet before shutting it.

When he turned back the other boy was fuming, tight fist by his sides as he glared up at the older boy.

“What is your problem?” Nitori shouted.

“I just need you to see why this wrong.” Rin sighed.

“It’s not wrong! We love each other. Why can’t you see that?” He cried, no longer caring who sees his tears.

“He doesn’t love you. The way he treats you is not love.” He protested.

“God! You don’t understand.” He ran his fingers through his hair and grabbed chunks. “How could you possibly understand?”

“I know what love is.” He said weakly.

“No you don’t! All you care about is yourself, you don’t get that sometimes someone just loves someone so much nothing else matters.” He shouted, taking steps closer to the older boy in anger.

“That’s not true.” He denied. “I care about you.”

“Stop lying!” He exclaimed, slapping Rin on the chest. All the hatred, all the pain that had built up these past few weeks finally bubbled to the surface. “You only care about me when it’s convenient for you, I’m nothing more than an accessory to your life!”

“Ai, please.” He begged, never stopping the fits hitting his skin. It didn’t hurt all that much and he knew Nitori needed the release but he still didn’t want to hear these lies.

“When you run off with Nanase and all your other friends you don’t even remember I exist, I’m always going to be second best to you. I’m always going to be someone you tolerate because you have to not because you want to.” He sobbed, hands stopping as he brought them up to rub at his eyes.

“That’s not true.” Rin said, hands uselessly hanging by his sides, longing to reach out and hold the other boy close.

“But Kai, he actually loves me.” He sniffed. “I’m the most important person to him and it makes me feel special, that I’m actually more than a background character in my own life. And I’m sorry that you walked in on what you did but that does not give you the right to try and forbid us from seeing each other.”

“Walked in on what I did? He was raping you Ai! Why are you just writing this off as an acceptable occurrence?” He asked.

“Stop acting like you’re so high and mighty.” He hissed, purposefully ignoring the question.

“Excuse me?” Rin questioned, crossing his hands over his chest.

“I spent months treading on egg shells around you, standing by as you screamed at me, made me feel pathetic and insignificant. You think just because you moved past it I’ve forgotten how you treated me?” Nitori sneered.

“Alright, yes I was a complete shit to you but that doesn’t justify Kai!” He argued back. “If one relationship is unhealthy don’t go seeking it out from another source! Have a little more self-respect than that it’s just path…”

Rin snapped his mouth shut, refusing to throw that word at Nitori. That same word he used against himself day after day.

“Go on.” He urged bitterly. “Say it.”

“No.” Rin shook his head.

“Tell me how weak I am. Tell me how pathetic I am. Tell me to man up. Tell me to start standing up for myself.” Nitori scoffed. “You’re all the same, you all think you can push me around. You all think that because you’re bigger, because you’re older that gives you some sort of right to treat me like scum!”

“You’re not weak.” He said softly. “You’re not pathetic.”

“What?” Nitori questioned, he needed the argument, he wanted to be angry but somehow Rin had managed to silence him.

“You’re not weak. You’re not pathetic.” He repeated

“Stop it.” He shook his head, backing away as Rin made his way closer to him.

“You’re not weak. You’re not pathetic.” He reiterated, hoping Nitori would finally start to believe him. “Dealing with him, with what he puts you through every day and having the strength to carry on makes you the strongest person I know. Waking up each morning and still being able to smile despite everything is a strength I’ve never have.”

Nitori shook slightly at the compliments, he wanted to believe those words, he longed for them to be true but he knew they weren’t. He knew what he was, he’d come to accept that and he just wished Rin would to.

“I’m nothing special.” Nitori disagreed, dropping down ungracefully onto Rin’s bed. “I’m weak.”

“Maybe.” Rin said, tentatively sitting down next to him. “But only because that’s what he’s made you, what you’ve made yourself. You weren’t before him. You never are with me. Look how you tore me down just then, you didn’t stand any bullshit. There is a strong person inside of you but you’re trying to keep him locked away. You need to set him free, you need to show him to the world and realise how important you truly are.”

Rin blushed slightly at his speech, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck but the other boy didn’t seem to notice, instead he let his body flop against Rin’s, his head on his shoulder as he just let the comfortable silence hold him.

…

Rin felt his eyes dropping as sleep begged to overtake his body but he wouldn’t let it. Nitori still remained awake, body still tense despite his seemingly relaxed posture. He would not rest until he knew Nitori was too.

“I just wanted to feel wanted.” Nitori spoke up.

“Hmm?” Rin croaked, voice sleepy and husky.

“I know if I stopped going to swim practice people wouldn’t really care, I don’t bring anything to the team. I know if I didn’t share a room with you you’d be more than happy alone. I know if I didn’t bother showing up to classes very few people would even notice. But Kai, I know he’d notice. He needs me to love him.” He explained, fresh tears falling down his face.

“You don’t even understand how loved you are.” He said, forcing the other boy into a seated position.

“I’m what?” He mumbled, red eyes wide with shock.

“We care, every single person you come into contact with cares about you. I don’t know how you do it but people just can’t resist you. They end up absolutely adoring you and the messed up part is you don’t even notice.” He groaned.

“Nobody adores me.” He smiled sadly.

“Jesus Christ Ai!” He growled, the other boy jumping slightly at the sudden change in tone. “I adore you!”

“What?” He whispered.

“I adore you.” He mumbled, slightly embarrassed by his cheesy confession. “This whole time I wished it was me. Every time you run off to see Kai, every time you smile because of him I wished it was me. But I was stupid and I missed my chance with you.”

“You can’t adore me senpai.” He shook his head.

“Why not?” He shrugged, there was no taking the truth back now.

“Because you’re too good for me.” He told him.

“Nobody is too good for you Ai, you’re absolutely perfect.” He smiled.

“If I’m so perfect why did I end up in this mess?” He asked bitterly.

“Because you don’t realise it. You say you want to be loved? I’m here practically begging you to let me love you.” He blushed.

Nitori blushed himself at the words shuffling forward until he was safely nestled in Rin’s arms, head against his chest so he could hear the soft heartbeat inside. The heart that beat for him.

Slowly he looked up, cool blue meeting fire red as the breaths mingled, wet lips slowly moving closer to each other until Rin froze, mere centimetres away from touching.

“Why did you stop?” Nitori asked, voice small and a little afraid.

“I’m not going to do anything you don’t want to. You have to make the move.” He whispered against his lips.

Nitori hesitated for a moment, knowing that it was wrong. He had a boyfriend, someone who loved him, who cared for him but yet he couldn’t resist Rin. He wanted to feel the difference, he wanted to feel pure love. Even if it was all a dream, even if tomorrow Rin changed his mind he wanted to feel it just once.

He leant up slightly and pressed their lips together, and the moment he did his whole body set fire. The heat seeping through from his lips right down to the tips of his toes.

Everything he could think, everything he could feel was solely Rin.

It wasn’t anything passionate, it was just a chaste kiss, lips learning the feel of the others, but it was the most amazing thing he’d ever experienced.

Slowly the pair moved, all on Nitori’s lead, until they were lying down on the bed. Only pulling away when they lay face to face on the pillow. Both boys’ cheeks flushed but unnoticeable beyond the broad smiles.

“You’re amazing.” Rin complimented, pressing a kiss onto his soft skin.

“Senpai.” He moaned, embarrassed as his skin became hot under the others lips.

“You’re strong.” He continued, kissing a different patch of skin each time. “You’re beautiful. You’re independent. You’re powerful. You’re important.”

Once he’d finished Nitori joined their lips again, pressing his whole body flush with the other, waiting for Rin to take their kiss to the next stage. But he never did, true to his word Rin remained the perfect gentlemen, matching his pace to Ai’s and never pushing past his comfort zone.

Shyly Nitori’s tongue slipped through his lips, lightly lapping at Rin’s. Nothing insistent but in question. He was a little afraid, whenever he’d felt Kai’s tongue force its way inside he’d felt sick, he’d felt repulsed and he never wanted these feelings towards Rin.

But as soon as Rin slowly deepened the kiss Nitori felt all his worries melting away. It didn’t feel disgusting, it felt right. It felt like they were meant to be in this moment together, tongues gently caressing and exploring. Finding new places of pleasure and love.

The pair’s hearts beat hard in their chest, almost loud enough to hear, only outdone by the sound of their kisses echoing blissfully in the quiet room.

When the dull ache began to burn in his lungs Nitori pulled back, panting harshly as separated. Keeping his body close in a desperate need to keep the last remnants of contact.

He let his eyes trail Rin’s face, taking in every small detail of the man in front of him. This perfect person, who for some unfathomable reason thought he too was perfect.

Nitori tried hard to stifle a yawn but it proved to be a too a difficult task and his jaw was soon falling open in sleep deprivation. Rin laughed softly at the whole show before leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to his nose.

“Sleep.” He instructed the younger boy.

“Okay.” He nodded. “Can I stay here?”

“Of course you can.” He grinned, placing two kisses on Nitori’s now closed eyes.

…

Rin didn’t notice how long he’d been watching Nitori sleep but it was long enough for his own eyes to become bleary and plead to rest. Somehow he couldn’t bring himself to.

He couldn’t look away from the other boy, couldn’t stop the flutters that went through his heart with every breath, couldn’t resist the tingles on his lips that had him smiling uncontrollably.

He was too happy to sleep, too excited to finally have told Nitori the truth, too relieved that everything between them had aired.

“Nitori?” He whispered into the darkness.

A test to see if the other boy was awake but all he received in response was soft, balanced breathing.

He pressed a soft kiss against his beauty mark with a contented sigh. How many times had he dreamed of this moment? How many times had he longed to hold the other boy? How often had he wished the boy would return his feelings?

And now he finally had everything he could possibly want.

The moment was tainted though, Kai would always be at the back of his mind. The fading bruises and scars a constant reminder of what Nitori had been through. The hell his love had endured just to find happiness, to find a hint of emotions.

But it would never happen again, Rin would try his best to make sure Nitori was always loved.

“You try so hard to please people but it just leaves you getting used and abused but not anymore.” He promised his lover in hushed murmurs. “I'm going to be there to protect you, stop anyone ever hurting you again. I promise. I love you.”

With one final kiss to Nitori’s warm, supple lips Rin closed his eyes. Tightening his hold around the others waist protectively as he drifted into a sleep filled with dreams that weren’t so different from his reality anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel this chapter is really short :/ hope that’s not a bad thing!


	11. Chapter 11

Rin looked down at Nitori as he slept, safely nestled within his arms as his chest rose and fell in gentle puffs, his hair a silver halo around his head. He smiled to himself when he realised this wasn’t a dream, Nitori really was here with him, had really kissed him, had really held him as he slept.

Almost as if he could sense the gaze, Nitori’s eyes began to flicker open, blearily staring up at the older boy.

“Morning.” Rin greeted as Nitori stretched, moaned and clicked in his arms.

“Morning.” He sighed, letting his body slump and eye shut once again.

“Hey, don’t go back to sleep.” He complained, squeezing Nitori’s middle.

“But I’m so tired.” He groaned, wriggling away from Rin’s now tickling hands.

“Nope, got to wake up.” He disagreed, moving so he was kneeling over Nitori and still tickling his sides.

“Rin! Stop it!” Nitori giggled, helplessly thrashing between Rin’s strong thighs.

“Never.” He smiled, watching as Nitori’s skin flushed red in heat.

“Please! I’ll do anything.” He begged between laughs.

“Anything?” He questioned, raising his eyebrow.

The boy nodded and Rin finally pulled back his hands, Nitori looked up at the red head, chest heaving as he tried to calm his breathing, eyes glossy from the tears that had come with his laugher, cheeks glowing in exertion.

Without waiting for him to catch his breath, Rin leant down, swiftly catching his lips with his own with a pleased hum. He rolled the pair so they were both back on the mattress, facing each other while never breaking the kiss, never wanting to be separate from Nitori’s lips again.

“Senpai, why did you do that?” Nitori moaned, pushing Rin away.

“What?” He asked with a smile as Nitori stubbornly buried his head under the covers.

“You can’t kiss me while I have morning breath.” He cringed.

“It’s fine, I didn’t mind.” He shrugged, trying but failing to remove the cover from Nitori.

“Well I do.” He protested, tightly gripping the corners of the sheet to the extent of turning his fingertips white.

“Ai, this is ridiculous.” Rin laughed, surprised by the amount of strength Nitori had.

“Nope.” He shouted as Rin finally succeeded in ripping the cover away. “We need to go brush our teeth.”

Nitori didn’t give Rin anytime to respond before he climbed out the bed and shuffled to the small bathroom. Rolling his eyes, the red head followed after him deciding it just wasn’t worth the battle anymore. In silence they freshened up, Rin smiling at the ridiculously domestic situation they were currently in.

Nitori barely had time to rinse his mouth out before he was gather up in Rin’s arms again, soft kisses peppered all over his skin.

“Rin.” Nitori giggled, making no attempts to move away from the attacks.

“Am I allowed to kiss you now?” Rin asked with a hopeful smile.

“Yes you are.” He nodded, lifting himself up to his tiptoes for easier access.

Their lips joined for a second time that morning but it wasn’t long before it was deepened, tongues passionately tied together as the kisses rung out loudly in the small bathroom, echoing off the tiled walls.

“I can’t believe I can do this anytime I want now.” Rin marvelled, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of Nitori’s mouth.

“You say that as if it is something amazing.” He blushed.

“It is.” He smiled, kissing him under his eye on his small beauty mark. “Let’s go back to bed.”

Nitori shook his head sadly at the suggestion, he knew it was innocent and exactly what he wanted right now but there were other things for him to deal with.

“I need to go see Kai today.” Nitori swallowed. “I need to end things.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Rin offered, he planned to keep his promise, he planned to keep Nitori safe for as long as the boy would keep him.

“No, I think if both of us go it will be like we’re ganging up on him.” He declined.

“You sure? I can always wait outside.” He pushed.

“I really need to do this alone.” He said definitively, nodding his head in a self-assured style.

…

All the confidence and assurance Nitori had felt earlier had quickly left his body, standing there, staring at Kai’s door he found himself shaking. He would be mad, he would probably hurt him but he could handle it. Rin was waiting for him, Rin wanted to love him, he could deal with anything Kai threw at him.

Nitori delivered three sharp knocks to the door, frowning slightly as he heard the sounds of Kai shuffling on the other side of the door.

“I am strong. I am powerful. I am important.” Nitori whispered to himself just before the door flew open.

“I was wondering when you’d show up.” Kai sneered, walking back into his room without a proper greeting.

Repeating this mantra in his head, Nitori followed him inside, feeling the familiar fear and dread building deep in the pit of his stomach.

“Well, aren’t you going to apologise?” Kai asked, breaking the silence that had fallen over them.

“For what?” Nitori’s eyes widened, he’d planned to keep Rin out of this break up but it was possible that the grapevine had beaten him here and Kai already knew – after all the walls seemed to have ears in this place.

“For what? Are you fucking kidding me?” He shouted, staring at Nitori and waiting him to fill in the blanks but he couldn’t. “How about for letting your roommate kick me out? Not even bothering to help me? Then spending the night with him? Any of this ringing any bells.”

Nitori nodded slightly but he wouldn’t apologise for that, he could finally see that Rin had been well within his rights with that reaction. Kai had been raping him – there was no point in trying to sugar coat it anymore – and Rin had protected him, had saved him.

“That’s not why I came by.” Nitori mumbled.

“Then why?” He huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I need to talk to you.” He started, nervously biting his lip.

“About what?” He prompted, waiting for Nitori but he was hesitating. “Just fucking spit it out!”

Nitori jumped slightly at his voice, letting his eyes drop to the floor. He repeated the mantra in his mind, he could do this, he was brave enough. So, taking a deep breath, he let five simple words tumble from his lips.

“I want to break up.”

“What?” Kai whispered, arms dropping to his sides and all anger leaving his body.

“I’m sorry but I just don’t think we are working anymore.” He apologised, watching as Kai crumbled to his knees.

“Whatever’s wrong I can fix it, I can change.” He begged, shuffling closer to Nitori.

“I’ve given you so many chances Kai, really I have, but you’ve pushed me too far.” He admitted, trying to ignore the guilt that ate at him as Kai helplessly hugged him around the waist, his tears seeping through his shirt onto his stomach.

“Please don’t leave me, I love you.” He wept.

“I know you do.” Nitori nodded, and he supposed in his own way Kai did love him very much but it just wasn’t enough, not anymore.

“I’ll die without you.” Kai buried his head into Nitori. “I mean it, without you there’s just no point.”

“No Kai.” He shook his head, dropping to his knees as well, finally looking the other boy in the eyes. “Please don’t talk like that.”

“I need you more than I have ever needed anyone.” He whispered. “Please don’t leave me.”

“I have to.” He admitted.

“Why?” He asked, Nitori physically recalling at the question. “Please, I deserve the truth.”

Nitori silently weighed out his options, he supposed it was only fair that Kai got the whole story, he was only going to find out about Rin later and put two and two together. But he was terrified how he would react, would he hurt Rin, the pair had never been civil with each but this would just push them over the edge.

“There’s somebody else.” Nitori opted with saying, not incriminating anyone expect himself.

“Did… Did you cheat on me?” He asked, receiving a small nod in response. “With who?”

“I kissed Rin.” He admitted.

“Oh.” Kai said, pushing himself back on his haunches. “It all makes sense now.”

With a bitter laugh, Kai stood tall, leaving Nitori on the floor to look up at the man – a position that they found themselves in a lot and it filled Nitori’s stomach with dread.

“And what? You think he loves you?” Kai sneered.

“He told me.” Ai defended with a lie, granted he’d never actually said it but it was implied.

“Right of course.” He nodded. “Answer me this Ai, was Rin ever remotely interested in you before I came along?”

“Well no, but…” He started but was soon cut off.

“Strange that, isn’t it?” He said, pacing around Nitori like a predator circling its prey. “Seems a little convenient that’s he’s suddenly just developed these feelings?”

“Sometimes it takes seeing someone with another person to make you realise.” Nitori fought back, trying desperately not to let Kai taint another relationship but the cracks were showing. All the insecurities he felt himself being voiced so viciously.

“You really think he loves you?” He mocked. “Look at you, you’re pathetic. Why would he possibly love you?”

“I don’t know.” Nitori admitted, tears pricking the back of his eyes. “But he does.”

“He doesn’t love you.” Kai scoffed with a condescending laugh. “He just doesn’t want to see you happy, he’s jealous that you’re with someone who truly loves you while he’s just bitter and alone. He’s tricked you, manipulated you into leaving me, and for what? To leave you as well.”

“No.” He shook his head, Rin couldn’t do that to him. He needed Rin, he loved Rin, they couldn’t break up, they just couldn’t.

“Then you’ll be alone. Forever.” He teased but it was just the right words to break Nitori.

If Rin left him he would have no one, he’d be isolated from everyone he cared about, everything he loved. By himself all because he was stupid, he’d let himself believe for a second the sweet words coming from Rin’s lips but they’d all been lies. Right from the start he’d wanted Nitori to leave Kai, even before he knew how he was treated, and why? Was it really possible that all he wanted as to get Nitori alone just so he leave him again. Go back to ignoring him while he returned to his old Iwatobi friends.

In that moment Nitori realised how lucky he was to have Kai, he loved him despite all his flaws, despite the fact that there were always going to be people better than him. He still thought Nitori was the world. There were no conditions or demands to be with him it was just love, pure and simple.

“Well.” Kai spoke again. “I better let you get back to your boyfriend. Least while it lasts.”

He walked past Nitori still sat on the floor and pulled his door open, looking at the bundle expectantly.

“I’m sorry.” Nitori whispered.

“I think it’s a little too late for that.” He shrugged.

“Please forgive me.” He begged, listening as the door clicked shut again and Kai walked back.

“What’s the point?” He rolled his eyes. “We broke up remember?”

“I don’t want to break up.” Nitori admitted, springing to his feet and tightly clinging to Kai. “I need you.”

“Why should I take you back?” He scoffed. “You cheated on me.”

“I know, I don’t know what I was thinking.” He shook his head, it had all seemed right last night, he’d got carried away in the moment and hurt the only person who ever really loved him. “Please Kai, we can move past this.”

“I’m not sure.”

“I won’t do it again, I promise.” He cried desperately. “I’ll do anything, just take me back.”

“I guess we’ve both done things we’re not proud of.” Kai sighed, returning the embrace. “Let’s start again Ai, a clean slate. No more kissing Rin, no more shouting and hurting you, no more arguments.”

“I’d like that.” Nitori smiled, looking up at Kai.

Raising up onto his toes, Nitori pressed a gentle kiss to Kai’s lip, tightening his hold around his waist, never wanting to let go ever again. Slowly, the pair shuffled across the floor until they fell backwards onto the bed, deepening the kiss as Nitori pressed his body further down onto Kai’s chest.

“Are you sure?” Kai asked as he felt tender hands slip under his shirt.

Nitori nodded softly, he needed to feel Kai’s love, he needed to be surrounded by it until he couldn’t think about anyone else.

“Please.” He whispered, kissing him quickly in longing.

“Anything for you Ai.” He replied, reaching towards his bedside table for the bottle of lube kept there.

Gently, Kai turned the pair over until Nitori was on the bottom, stripping them both down until they were laid bare. Soft questions tumbling from Kai’s lips to check his boyfriend was ready and that he wanted it.

As they kissed fingers squeezed inside Nitori but for once Kai didn’t rush, he was slow, he was attentive, he made sure he was fully prepared. This was what Nitori wanted, what he’d always knew Kai was capable of but kept hidden away.

Nitori moved himself so he was on all fours, silently telling Kai he was ready for more. The older boy easily tapped into his wants and pushed himself inside, joining their bodies in an act of love.

“Tell me if you want to stop or if I’m hurting you.” Kai whispered, pressing a kiss onto his shoulder as he slowly began moving his hips.

But with each thrust Nitori could stop the red eyes that flashed in his mind, the sharp-toothed smirk that nipped at his skin, the fiery locks that stroked his cheeks. He tried to block Rin out, he needed to move on but he consumed his whole being.

He felt tears prick his eyes as a hand wrapped around his arousal and delicately pumped, wishing his mind could be on the intimate act rather than his own roommate. He knew it was wrong, Rin didn’t love him, he couldn’t love him. But Kai did, he loved him unconditionally but somehow he couldn’t return it.

Nitori’s toes curled as the pleasure took over his body, he harshly bit down on his hand to stop the wrong name flying from his lips. He felt Kai following after him but he was numb, tears flowing from his eyes beyond his control at the point.

Kai manoeuvred Nitori until they were face to face again, the smile that had once been there quickly dropped.

“You promised you’d tell me if you wanted to stop.” Kai whispered, rubbing the tears that fell from his eyes.

“These are happy tears.” Nitori shook his head, wrapping his arms around Kai tightly. “Promise.”

…

Hesitantly, Ai made his way back to his room, dreading what was there waiting for him. His second break up in a day, hopefully this one went better than the last. Rin wouldn’t fight for him, he would let him go without a hassle because he didn’t love him the same as Kai.

“Hey.” Rin frowned as Ai walked in, immediately sensing the slumped shoulders and shaking hands. “How did it go?”

“Okay.” Nitori shrugged, sitting on the bed next to Rin, leaving a large gap between them.

“Are you sure?” He asked, only getting a quick nod in return. “Ai, please talk to me.”

“We didn’t break up.” He admitted, letting his gaze drop to his hands.

“What?”

“Being with him made me realise some things.” He continued, as if Rin hadn’t brokenly uttered a word. “He loves me, he needs me. We need each other.”

“And what about me?” He asked, voice cracking.

“Senpai, you don’t love me.” He sighed, wishing it didn’t have to be this difficult and he didn’t have to hurt anyone. “It’s just a passing phase, a small crush that you will move on from.”

“And last night? That didn’t mean anything to you?” Rin felt his hands shaking, he knew he was sounding desperate but he couldn’t lose Nitori, not after only just getting him.

“Of course it did, more than you could even begin to understand.” He cried. “But it’s not enough Rin, it’s not like it is with Kai.”

“No, you’re right.” He snapped, pushing himself off the bed. “I don’t hit you, I don’t rape you!”

“Please.” He begged, he didn’t need that reminder or he’d regret his decision, he’d regret letting Rin go.

“He hurt you, or did you conveniently forget that?” He demanded.

“I’ve hurt him too.” Nitori replied, purposely avoiding the question.

“How?” He asked, the smaller boy gesturing towards Rin in response. “What we did last night is nothing compared to what he has been doing these past couple of months.”

“Cheating is one of the worst things you can do in a relationship.” He whispered, he didn’t deserve Rin, he didn’t deserve Kai, he deserved to be alone.

“No, emotionally and physically abusing someone you’re supposed to love is one of the worst things you can do in a relationship.” He disagreed, trying his best to stay calm or he’d only push Nitori further away.

“Please senpai, just understand why I had to do this.” He pleaded. “I still care about you and I can’t lose you over this.”

“I need to think about this.” Rin muttered, making a dash for the door.

“Please, don’t leave me!” Nitori called after him but he never stopped, running until he was safe in the afternoon sun.

…

Rin didn’t know how long he had been running for but the sun had set and the moon was high in the sky. He wanted to go home, he was cold and tired but his eyes were still raw from tears that has streamed down his face.

Nitori had picked Kai, after everything they’d been through, after every feeling he thought was shared between them was a lie. He’d used Rin and then gone back to Kai.

Last night had been a mistake, loving Nitori had been a mistake, trying to help Nitori had been a mistake. He was a hopeless cause, no matter what he did he would always go back to Kai, always believe that was all he was worth.

Kai didn’t love him, anyone could see that but Nitori seemed to be blinded to that fact, too desperate for affection to realise how tainted it was. But if Nitori wanted to be with that monster then so be it, Rin wasn’t getting involved anymore. It only ended up getting him hurt.

But as much as Rin wanted to wash his hands of the situation, forget the couple and move on with his life one thought kept swirling around in his head.

_I should have protected him. I should have gone with him. I shouldn’t have let him say with Kai_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry, I can practically feel your hatred for me after that decision but did you really think I was going to give you a happy ending this early on? :p


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to be honest I am hesitant to post this after the negative response of the last chapter, I understand that you aren’t happy with the direction this story is taking but it is Rintori. Meaning end game will be Rintori no matter how long it takes to get there.

Nitori lay on Kai’s bed, staring up at the ceiling as he felt his boyfriend’s breath on his neck as he napped. Despite the afternoon sun seeping through the window and the heat radiating off Kai as he held him Nitori felt cold. He felt empty.

It had been a week since their almost breakup and everything was running smoothly, there had been no fights nor arguments. Rin was still talking to him after he’d calmed down and decided he would still be his friend, his support. Everything was perfect.

But he wasn’t happy, something was missing and he wished he could work out what.

It was a hollow feeling he’d had for a while, it had started out small but it had grown and grown. Eating him up inside until he was a void, feeling nothing but empty.

Besides that one night.

The thought flashed through his mind so quickly it almost burnt, he squeezed his eyes shut to push it away. But he couldn’t fight it, red flashed before his eyes as the thought got louder and louder.

He hadn’t been empty with Rin, it had been small but there had been a flicker of something real. Although he couldn’t place the small emotion it had been better than feeling numb.

He wanted to believe it was happiness but how could he have been happy with someone who didn’t truly love him? Someone who wasn’t his boyfriend?

Maybe it was guilt, he had been cheating on Kai at the time so maybe that had been the sensation blooming inside him.

He’d briefly toyed with feeling lust after he’d woken panting and breathless in his bed, Rin’s name still stinging his lips.

Perhaps it had been love, even if one sided Nitori knew his heart stuttered whenever Rin was near, whenever he thought of the kisses they shared.

But no matter how hard he tried to place it the feeling eluded him, it had only been a brief experience and now it was gone. And Nitori knew it was for the best but he couldn’t help but long for those brief hours we’re he’d felt alive again, felt human.

Nitori jumped as he heard his phone chime inside his pocket, he glanced towards Kai who still seemed to be sleeping. As gently as possible he reached for the device, hoping not to disturb the other boy too much.

Unlocking his phone he saw the name Rin flash up in his inbox.

_Ai, the swim team is going out tonight. You coming?_

He smiled slightly, he did enjoy himself when he went out with his team and nine times out of ten they ended up in a karaoke booth in town. But he knew he shouldn’t, he’d told Kai he’d spend the day with him and it would be rude of him to leave.

_Not today senpai :)_

He waited a few moments before the chime to show his reply.

_Shame, won’t be the same without you cat screeching to an 80s power ballad_

Nitori flushed slightly at the teasing, he did always end up singing but he was sure he wasn’t that bad. Not great by any means but passable.

“Who you texting?” Kai asked just as Nitori went to reply.

“I thought you were asleep.” He said, avoiding the question.

“No, the tone woke me up.” He yawned.

“Oh, sorry.” He apologised.

“It’s fine. So, who is it?” He repeated.

“Erm, just someone from the team.” He answered, averting his eyes to hide his lie.

“Okay.” Kai nodded, but Nitori could tell by his tone of voice he didn’t believe him for a second. “Can I see?”

“I… Well… Why? It’s nothing interesting.” He laughed, moving his phone back to his pocket.

Kai moved quickly, one hand grabbing his wrist and the other grabbing the phone.

“Kai, wait.” Nitori pleaded but it was too late.

“It’s Rin.” He said, scrolling through the messages.

“Yes.” He admitted, wishing he could have his phone back.

Despite living in the same dorm the pair often text throughout the day, pointless and nonsensical messages, the occasional teasing and playful banter but he knew they would upset Kai. Especially after everything that had happened.

“You lied.” Kai said coldly, letting the phone slip from his hands onto the floor.

“Not technically, Rin is on the team. I just didn’t give you a name.” He tried to defend.

“You lied.” He interrupted with a hiss.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“Why did you lie?” Kai asked, only for Nitori to shrug in response. “That’s not an answer!”

“I don’t know.” He cringed as the hold on his wrist tightened.

“Why did you lie?” He asked again.

“Because I knew it would upset you!” Nitori shouted, tears leaking out the corners of his eyes.

“Why would it upset me?” Kai asked, moving until he was straddling Nitori, looming over him with anger clouded arms. “You’re friends right? So the only reason I would be upset would be if you were still seeing him and you aren’t, right Ai?”

“Of course not!” He furiously denied.

“You wouldn’t seeing both of us now would you?” He growled, taking a wrist in each hand and pinning Ai to the bed. “Stringing us both along? And god knows who else you’ve got hidden away.”

“Nobody!” He cried. “You’re the only one!”

“Liar!” Kai spat, slapping him across the face hard enough to leave a mark.

“I’m not.” Nitori shook his head. “Me and Rin are just friends.”

“That’s what you said last time and look what happened. Look what you did to me!”

Suddenly all the anger left Kai’s face and he flopped down, burying his face in Nitori’s neck as his body shook with tears.

“Kai?” Nitori asked softly, wrapping his now free hands around his broad shoulders. “Don’t cry.”

“Don’t leave me Ai.” Kai begged in a whisper. “Please. I can’t live without you.”

“I would never leave you.” He shook his head, gently rubbing the other’s back.

“I just get worried when you spend so much time with Rin.” He admitted.

“I promise you have nothing to worry about.” He tried to reassure his boyfriend.

“I want to trust you but after everything it’s hard.” He said, Nitori’s throat tightening at his words. Never in his life did he imagine he would be the type to cheat and even after coming clean the guilt never left, he would do anything to make things right again.

“I know.” He pressed a kiss into Kai’s dark hair. “I wish there was something I could do.”

“There is something that might make me feel better.” Kai sniffled. “If you would be willing to do it for me.”

“Anything.” He agreed.

“I don’t want you to be friends with Rin anymore.” He said, Nitori turning cold at the suggestion.

“What?” He croaked.

“I know you’d still share a room with him but beyond that I don’t want you to have anything more to do with him. Please.” He looked up at Nitori with wide eyes, glistening from the tears he had shed earlier.

“I… I don’t know.” He whispered as Kai moved to gently stroke his hair.

“Please, I’m so scared that he’ll try and take you from me again.”

Nitori didn’t respond this time, instead he just held the boy close, listening as their breaths became one. Debating in his mind, should he really give up his friend for his boyfriend? Friendship was important but love, it was something else. Rin would graduate and go to Australia and forget about him. But Kai, he could be his entire future, the person he’s meant to spend the rest of his life with.

“This shouldn’t be such a hard decision for you to make.” He hissed, moving out of his embrace and sitting up right. “You shouldn’t even need him if you have me.”

“You have to understand you’re both important to me.” He explained, quickly moving so he was resting against Kai’s shoulder.

“Well he shouldn’t be.” Kai shouted, pushing the boy off with such force that his head hit the metal frame of the bed with a clunk. “He doesn’t care about you, you don’t mean anything to him.”

“That’s not true!” Nitori shouted before he could stop himself.

He clamped his mouth shut as Kai’s back stiffened, his glare cold as he turned to look at him.

“You still think he wants you don’t you? You’re still wishing you were with him, aren’t you?” He screamed.

“No, it’s not like that.” He tried to backtrack but it was too late, once again Kai’s hand came down against his cheek.

“Why can’t I be good enough for you? Why am I not enough?” He asked.

“You are! I swear. Please Kai, just stop!” He yelled as Kai raised his fist.

The older boy froze, dropping his fist to the bed as he watched the small boy cowering in front of him. He swallowed thickly before gathering the boy in his arms, tightly holding him against his chest.

“I’m sorry Ai.” He apologised, gently rocking the whimpering boy. “I promise it won’t happen again if you just cut Rin out. It drives me mad to know that he has touched you, he has kissed you.”

Nitori nodded, still unsure what to say but he felt somewhere deep inside himself the decision had already been made.

“It’s me or him.” Kai whispered into his neck.

…

When Nitori returned to his dorm Rin was getting ready to leave, searching for his keys before he went.

“Hey.” Rin greeted, pocketing the keys.

“Hi.” He replied softly, sitting on his desk chair.

“I thought you said you were busy.” He said, tilting his head to the side to try and look Nitori in the eye.

“Not anymore.” He sighed.

“So do you want to come out then? I mean we’ve still got about twenty minutes until we actually head out.” Rin offered but all he got in response was a shake of the head.

With a groan, Rin sat in his own chair, sliding across the hardwood floor until they were knee to knee. He placed a reassuring hand on his thigh, wishing he could do something for the other boy. Too many times Kai hurt him, physically and emotionally, and no matter what Rin did he couldn’t stop him.

“What happened?” Rin asked gently.

“Nothing bad.” He admitted but somehow this request felt worse than anything Kai had ever asked of him before.

“So what’s wrong?”

“Kai thinks it would be best if we weren’t friends anymore.” Nitori whispered, never wanting to look Rin in the eye as he said it.

“What? That’s ridiculous!” He scoffed. “You told him no right?”

Nitori curled in on himself even further, never giving Rin an actual answer but his reaction was enough.

“Are you shitting me right now?” He growled, pulling back from Nitori.

“No.” He shook his head dejectedly.

“This is bullshit.” He grumbled. “You realise what he’s doing right?”

“No.”

“He’s cutting you off from everyone, until you have nobody left but him. Can’t you see he’s manipulating you?” He asked, trying to keep his voice steady but struggling. He wanted to shout, just to get it through to Nitori but he knew that would be his worst tactic.

“It’s not like that.” He defended. “It’s just you.”

“Well aren’t I special.” He drawled.

“Because of what happened the other week with us. He’s worried it will happen again, and I understand. If I were in his position I would feel uncomfortable if he spent this much time with an ex.” He blushed, Rin was hardly his ex they had just kissed, it wasn’t exactly some whirlwind romance.

“If you trust each other then it shouldn’t be a problem.” Rin shrugged.

“But I broke the trust!” Nitori shouted. “And I need to do whatever I can to make it right again.”

“So you’re just going to let him dictate who you can and can’t be around?” He questioned in disbelief. “Sure it starts with me but it will grow until you have nobody left.”

“As long as I have Kai then I will alright.” He frowned.

“Ai, this is just ridiculous! He is…” Rin trailed off with a sigh.

He realised Nitori was too far gone, no matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried he would never listen. He loved Kai and would do anything for him, he was desperate to please him that nothing else mattered. He was a hopeless case and Rin was an idiot for even trying, for even thinking he mattered enough to Nitori to fight for.

“You know what? Fine!” He shouted, pushing himself off the chair. “Stay with the fucker, see if I care? You’re not my problem anymore.”

Without another word Rin stormed out the room, slamming the door behind him.

“I’m sorry Rin.” Nitori cried once he was alone.

A problem, that was all he was to Rin. Kai was right, Rin didn’t care about him, he would be happier without him. Nitori had been foolish to think he meant anything to the other boy, they were dorm mates and that was it. Sure Rin had probably pitied him when he’d found out what was happening with Kai but now he was glad to be rid of him. He was nothing but an inconvenient problem.

…

Nitori lay awake, struggling to sleep as he went over everything that happened these past few weeks, every feeling, every emotion until he’d finally sorted his thoughts. He jumped in his bed when Rin stumbled home, smelling like he had had a few too many drinks. The boys always ended up in a bar that was surprisingly lenient on IDs, making sure to only send those who looked over 18 to the bar, it was a fool proof plan.

Nitori forced his eyes closed as the other boy clattered around the room, disposing his clothes as he made his way to bed, landing on the mattress with a soft thud and contented sigh.

“Ai.” He whispered into the dark, the boy in question ignoring him.

“Ai.” He said a little louder.

“Ai!” He shouted but the boy continued to ignore him. “Come on, I know you’re awake.”

The boy remained silent, heart beating so loudly he was sure the other boy could hear it. They weren’t friends anymore, as a friend he would deal with a teary, drunk Rin but as nothing but a problem he just ignored him.

“Fuck you then.” Rin growled, turning over roughly in bed, enough to rock the whole frame.

Nitori lay still and silent as he waited to hear Rin’s soft snores before he climbed down the ladder. He moved quietly until he was kneeling besides the others face, watching as he slept peacefully.

“I’m sorry Rin.” He whispered. “I didn’t want things to end up like this, if I could turn back time I would have stopped myself from kissing you. It might have felt good at the time but it was a mistake, it wasn’t what we needed.”

He froze suddenly as he heard Rin snuffle but he made no attempts at waking, his eyes still tightly shut as his breath returned to the even pace. Nitori moved forward and stroked Rin’s hair, smiling at the silky touch.

“I wanted you to fight for me.” He admitted. “And I know that was stupid and selfish of me but after everything you said I honestly expected you to. But Kai was right you didn’t love me. Each day is a constant reminder that you never will love me in the way I want you to, a constant reminder that you let me go.”

His voice cracked slightly as tears slid down his cheeks, dropping to the floor in a gentle patter that was barely heard above his ragged breaths.

“I love you so much Rin but I don’t want to anymore, I deserve better than unrequited love.” He wept. “And maybe you don’t think Kai is worthy of my love but I won’t know unless I give him that chance. He cares about me so much and he’s trying really hard to be good to me and I respect that. This break from you it might be just what our relationship needs and what you need. I promise I won’t be burden to you anymore senpai.”

With a soft sigh, Nitori leant forward, gently pressing their lips together in a soft kiss. He pulled away in relief to see that Rin hadn’t once stirred before heading back to bed. With tingling lips and a thumping heart Nitori finally fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry, again.


	13. Chapter 13

Another week had passed but Nitori felt like a background character in his own life. It was almost as if he were watching someone else take his place, screaming furiously, watching the character in front of him continued on regardless, as if he could not hear his protests.

He stared down at his English homework in confusion, he knew he couldn't do this and Rin knew too if the way he was poised and ready to offer his help. But then they both remembered that they weren't supposed to interact, that as of last week Nitori had effectively terminated their friendship.

It was a stupid decision and in every moment since then Nitori greatly regretted it. More than anything he wanted to throw his arms around Rin and beg for his forgiveness, beg him to take him back.

But he knew he never would, he knew it would only create more problems than it solved.

He tried to focus on his work but the words slowly began to blur in front of his eyes, jumbling together until all he could think about was last night.

Kai's breath had been hot against his neck, panting harshly as he forced his way inside. Lewd whispers into his ear,  _you like this don't you_  repeated over and over. Despite protests Kai never stopped, thrusting and thrusting until he roared and released inside him.

Why couldn't he make this work? Was he just not destined to be in a relationship? Be with someone else completely. He wanted to love Kai, he knew the other boy loved him, yet there was always something stopping him and no matter what Nitori did, he couldn't get past it.

He shifted awkwardly in his chair, wincing slightly as pain pulsed through him. His body ached, both physically and mentally, when he slept his mind was assaulted with everything he refused to think about during the day.

Abruptly, Nitori pushed himself away from his table, hissing as he stood up. He could see Rin itching to talk to him, to comfort him but he forced himself to stare forward, pretend that the blank wall in front of him was immensely fascinating.

Nitori opened his mouth to announce his departure before snapping his jaw closed, it didn't matter to Rin anymore. They didn't have that kind of relationship, they could come and go as they pleased without regard of the other.

Nitori bolted towards the door, running from the room without a second glance at Rin, pulling the door shut with force.

Rin jumped slightly as the bang echoed throughout the room. He was tempted to follow after him but he knew that was no longer his place. Nitori no longer needed him.

…

Nitori didn't know where he was running to but he knew he needed air, needed space, needed to think. He pumped his legs until he was alone, far from any of the other students that littered the campus.

With a gasp, he fell to his knees, vision blurred by the tears that threatened to fall. He dug his fingers into the mud before him, squeezing hard as he screamed.

Loud and long. Releasing everything that had built up inside him.

He hated himself, he didn't deserve to be here when everything he touched fell to pieces. Rin wanted nothing more to do with him. Kai would soon grow tired of him. Seijuro had even given up trying to force him to attend practice.

He moved his hands from the mud, gripping tightly at his own thighs so that his nails dug in deep.

Eventually, nobody would need him. Nobody would want him. And slowly he was beginning to feel that way towards himself. Who would care if he disappeared?

Bringing his hands up, he slowly dragged his nails across his wrists, watching with satisfaction as four red stripes bloomed on his pale skin.

When did this become his life? When did the feeling of pain become the only thing that proved he was alive? His days were long and numb but times like this he felt something, even if it wasn't a good something it was a feeling nonetheless.

…

Rin slowly grew tired of moping and waiting for Nitori to return. He decided to head out too. To do something that would take his mind off his roommate, the one person he cared for more than any other but in return they cast him aside like he didn't matter.

With a deep growl, he forced his feet into his running shoes, he needed to clear his head, he needed to get over Nitori. It was only going to end up hurting him more.

He calmly walked out the building, sighing in content as he felt the night air caress and nip at his skin. He loved the chill and the wind, it felt as if it washed away his problems, blowing at them until they no longer mattered. Least for a moment or two.

He set off running, taking his usual route down the darkened path, to the outskirts of the campus where very few students ventured.

As he ran, a strangled sob caused him to freeze in his tracks, a cry that he unfortunately knew too well.

He turned to walk towards Nitori but stopped himself. This wasn't his domain anymore, the boy would have to learn to survive alone.

Instead, he pushed himself until his thoughts ceased to exist and all he could hear was his beating heart, his rushing blood and his pounding feet.

…

Breathlessly, Rin walked back to his dorm. He had really overdone it this time and stupidly gone without a drink. He swallowed thickly when he noticed Nitori sat in the exact position he had left him in. Despite it having been over an hour he hadn't moved at all.

Against his better judgement, Rin walked over to him and softly sat beside him.

Nitori was shaking, his wrists red and raw, his cheeks stained and eyes sore. Rin reached over and gently uncurled his fists and brushed off the dry mud.

"Ai." Rin whispered.

That was all it took, after hearing Rin's voice again after one long week Nitori snapped. He threw himself forward, tightly wrapping his arms around Rin's neck and burying his head deep in his neck.

Nitori inhaled deeply as he felt arms tightening around his waist, he felt safe and content again. Sobs racked through his whole body as he clung desperately to Rin, never wanting to let go again.

"Sh, it's okay." Rin soothed, rubbing Nitori's back.

"It was meant to make it better." He cried.

"What was?" He asked.

"Not being with you anymore." He said, tightening his hold as if the reminder would cause Rin to push him away. "Things were meant to be okay but they aren't."

"Is he still hurting you?"

"He wasn't." Nitori shook his head, his hair tickling Rin's neck. "Not until last night."

"What happened?" Rin questioned, stiffening slightly at what was to come.

"We were in his room and he wanted to have sex and I didn't want to senpai, I really didn't want to." He wept.

Rin cradled Nitori's head as he felt tears seep into his clothes, last time this had happened he had been there to stop Kai. But he'd let his own pride get in the way and Nitori had fallen by the wayside, when he needed him the most he had left him.

"I'm sorry." Rin apologised. "I'm sorry I let this happen to you."

"It's not your fault." He reassured, pressing a soft kiss against Rin's neck.

He wasn't sure what made him do it, but judging by Rin's lack of response it hadn't been appreciated. Nitori wasn't sure what he expected or wanted in reply, did he want him to have cupped his face and passionately kiss him. Or did he want him to push him off and remind him exactly what he was worth to others?

"We should head back." Rin coughed.

"Okay." Nitori agreed, reluctantly letting go of the other boy.

Once they both stood up, Nitori latched on again, tightly wrapping himself around Rin's arm. As they got closer to the dorms a few people gave them strange looks but Nitori found he didn't care. He felt as if he couldn't stand on his own, his legs wobbled under his weight, he felt weak. Rin seemed unaffected too, letting Nitori soak up his warmth as cold fingers gripped at his skin.

…

Nitori sat alone on Rin's bed, his senpai having gone to get some food and drinks from the vending machines down the corridor. Originally he wanted to go with him but Rin had insisted he stay behind, wrapped up in the blanket Rin kept in the bottom of his cupboard.

He couldn't explain his sudden need to be close to Rin, he hated how clingy he was being, but there was a feeling inside himself that he only got around the other boy. He wanted to hold onto it because he knew this time tomorrow it would be gone again.

"Here you go," Rin said, arriving back in the room with his arms full.

Nitori smiled slightly as he saw the variety of chocolates and candies, he did always have a sweet tooth.

"I didn't know what you wanted so…"

"So you got me everything."" Nitori finished for him.

"Something like that." He admitted sheepishly.

"You don't have to do all these things for me. I'm not worth it." He said, dropping his gaze to his lap, nervously wringing out his fingers.

"Well that's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard." Rin scoffed, sitting down next to him.

Silently, Nitori dug into a chocolate bar, losing himself in the nutty, creamy taste. He couldn't remember the last time he had eaten something substantial, just quick snacks between classes and seeing Kai.

"We should probably head down for dinner at some point, it's been a while since I've seen you there." Rin said meaningfully.

He had doubted anyone else noticed his sudden lack of appetite but Rin proved him wrong again. Just when he thought he understood Rin, the other guy he floored him.

"I've been busy." He offered lamely, the pair falling into silence again.

It was strange. After a week of nothing you would have thought there was so much to share between them but nothing came. It was almost as if the weight of everything was so much, so strong that neither one could think of anything to say.

"I feel like we're going around in circles." Rin finally said.

"What do you mean?" Nitori asked.

"It's just this never ending cycle. He hurts you, you break, I comfort you, I fix you then you go back to him." He sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

"Senpai, please don't." He shook his head, he knew it was pitiful but he didn't need to be reminded.

"No, you need to hear this. You need to understand how frustrating this is. I can't keep sitting back and watch this." He admitted, he knew it was nowhere near as hard as it was for Nitori but it was still driving him for the edge.

"You wouldn't understand." He defended. "You've never been in love."

"Yes I have, because I'm god damn in love with you!" Rin shouted, not caring how Nitori flinched slightly at the change in volume.

Nitori scanned Rin's face, looking for a hint of a lie, for a hint of a joke but he couldn't find any. All he saw was a boy, fully exposed and vulnerable.

For the second time that evening, Nitori threw himself forward and onto Rin, lips pressed together in a kiss. It was desperate, it was needy, hands grabbed at each other and bodies pressed so close together they couldn't tell where either person began.

"We've been here before senpai." Nitori panted against Rin's lips.

"I know." Rin whispered back.

Shaking his head, Nitori moved back, curling into the corner as he tried to organise his thoughts. He needed space. He couldn't think straight around Rin, he did stupid things around Rin. He had a boyfriend; it shouldn't matter if someone else claimed to love him he shouldn't kiss them.

If Kai found out Nitori broke the trust again he would be disgusted. He'd hate him to the point that they'd struggle to salvage their relationship, but for the first time in a long time that didn't seem so bad.

But that was wrong; Kai loved him, and how could you leave someone who loved you? Who needed you to survive?

"You confuse me, this whole situation confuses me," Nitori groaned, pulling on his silver hair. "I just don't know what to do anymore."

"It's alright, calm down." Rin tried to reassure.

"It's not alright," He shouted, pushing away Rin's hands. "I don't know what I feel anymore, about you, about Kai. And I don't even know how you feel."

"I told you how I feel." Rin said.

"Yes but you're always so vague with it. I don't know if you love me like a friend or more." He complained. "I don't want to throw everything away over someone who just sees me as a brother."

He didn't want to go back to being alone, he'd spent his whole life alone and it had been torture. He'd never had close friends, only acquaintances who didn't care what he did from day to day. He needed to feel wanted, what value did he have if nobody wanted him?

"What does it matter?" Rin asked. "It's not about me, this is about you."

Nitori curled in on himself as he heard the worlds over and over in his head. He noticed there was no confirmation of his feelings, just a simple brush off. He may have cared about him but it wasn't at the same intensity as his own.

"No, don't do that." Rin snapped, practically reading his thoughts, "Don't leave him for me, leave him for you."

"It's not that easy." He shook his head.

"I know." Rin agreed. "I've never been in a situation like yours but I know it's not right, you shouldn't have to deal with this.

"Senpai, I'm scared." Nitori admitted quietly. "I'm scared of Kai, I'm scared that it won't be the end and it will only get worse. I'm scared of being alone."

"You'll never be alone." He shook his head, crawling across the bed so he was by Nitori's side again.

"You can't know that." He disagreed, letting Rin wrap his arms around his waist.

"I can because I know no matter what happens, no matter what you decide to do I will always be here for you." He whispered into Nitori's hair.

Quietly, Nitori curled against Rin's side, letting his senpai gently rock and sooth him. He supposed it was slightly patronising but right now it was what he needed, the comfort to help him sort his thoughts.

Rin was right, it wasn't about him, it wasn't really about Kai, it was about his happiness. And currently he was lacking that in his own life. Would he be unhappier if he was on his own, he wouldn't know unless he tried.

But what if he found he missed Kai? Would he be willing to take him back a second time or would he lose him forever?

But as he thought about the bruises littering his skin, the cuts that had bled with his pain, the assault to his body as Kai lost himself to pleasure. Maybe that wouldn't be the worst thing to happen.

"Thank you senpai." He mumbled, squeezing Rin around the middle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta:Crack.Alchemist


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, some personal stuff came up and I’ve been dealing with that so couldn’t find the time to write this

Nitori was shaking like a leaf as he stared down at his hands, nervously wringing them and cracking every knuckle until he heard a satisfying crunch.

“Calm down.” Rin soothed, covering his hands with his own.

“I’m scared.” Nitori admitted, half of himself wanted Rin to release his sweaty palms while the rest of him relished in the comforting touch.

“I’ll be there if you need me.” He reassured.

They’d agreed that Rin would stay close by, wait just outside the door if Nitori needed him. Originally the red head had demanded he stay in the room but Nitori had denied him, lest Kai think they were conspiring against him.

Rin didn’t understand why Nitori was insistent on extending such pleasantries to Kai but if it meant they got this whole horrible situation in the past quicker then he’d agree to anything.

The pair jumped as they heard a knock at the door before a shout from Kai, never one to make a discreet entrance.

“You ready?” Rin asked, standing up and looking down at the boy still on his bed.

“As I’ll ever be.” Nitori smiled weakly, watching helplessly as Rin opened the door.

“Matsuoka.” Kai greeted with a terse nod of the head.

Rin grunted in response before leaving the room and slamming the door after him. It was a show for Kai, to act as if he wasn’t interested in either person he’d left behind but in truth he was pressed to the door. His heart beat loudly as he struggled to hear either of them exchange greetings, he just hoped if it came down to it Nitori wouldn’t think twice before demanding his help.

“What’s wrong?” Kai asked, pulling away from a one sided kiss.

“We need to talk.” Nitori muttered, never once looking Kai in the eye.

“Okay, what’s wrong?” He sat down next to Nitori and placed a hand on his thigh.

It was attempted as a comforting gesture but it just unsettled Nitori further. It felt like a promise of things to come, things Kai could do to him, make him suffer through in the name of love.

“I… I can’t… I don’t…” Nitori stumbled through his words.

“Come on, you can tell me anything.” Kai laughed, in moments like this Nitori could almost forget what a monster he could be. But they were so few and far between it wasn’t worth sticking around anymore, he could see that now.

“Not this.” He mumbled.

“What is it?” Kai asked, his voice turning serious. “Is it Rin? Did something happen?”

Nitori shook his head, it may be a lie but this wasn’t about Rin. This was about him, about having the strength to break this off. Forget Kai, forget Rin. All he needed was himself, he was brave, he was strong and he could do this.

“Then what?” Kai snapped.

“I want to break up!” Nitori shouted back, shocked at how it had just exploded out of him. He’d planned to use a little more tact, cushion the blow but he hadn’t been able to hold it in.

“Not this again.” He sighed, standing up.

“I mean it.” His voice wobbled slightly.

“I don’t know what’s going on with you recently.” He paced, reminding Nitori of a caged animal, he was trapped, trying to find a way out. “You’re just confused.”

“I’m not.” He shook his head.

“And who do you think will love you if I go? Who will want you?” He sneered, looming over him.

“It doesn’t matter.” Nitori shrugged. Maybe he’d find someone else, maybe he never would but anything was better than living in constant fear and pain.

He pushed himself off the bed, he was tired of being prey, tired of Kai towering over him to assert his dominance. He was still a good couple of inches shorter but he didn’t care. He was confident, he was self-assured and he wasn’t going to let Kai push him around anymore.

“I think you already have someone in mind. When will you get it through to that tiny little brain of yours? Rin doesn’t want you.” He hissed.

“I don’t care.” Nitori spat.

“What?” Kai faltered.

“I don’t need Rin to want me. I don’t need anyone to want me to be important. I used to think that I only had any value in this world if I was wanted, if I was loved. But I’ve realised the only person who needs to love me, to take care of me, is me. And recently I’ve been neglecting myself. But not anymore!” Nitori cried, taking steps towards Kai who backed away. He loved the role reversal, the power, he was no longer under Kai’s spell and it felt liberating.

“You don’t know what you’re saying.” Kai protested.

“Yes I do, for once I do.” He smiled. “I will not let you push me around anymore, control me. I am my own person and I don’t deserve the way you treated me. I thought that it was love but I was wrong. My friends, the team, they really love me and care about me. You just used me for you own benefit and I’m sick of it. We’re over.”

Nitori had backed Kai into a corner and for once he’d thought he’d won, he’d finally broken out of his cage. But as he saw Kai’s eyes cloud over in anger he realised he was wrong. Reaching out and grabbing the shorter boy’s collar, Kai quickly spun the pair and reversed their positions until Nitori was once again cornered.

“If you think you can push me aside you’re wrong.” Kai yelled, spit flying out his angry mouth and onto Nitori’s face. “You’re mine, you’ll always be mine. Do you understand me?”

Kai surged forward and sealed their lips, knocking all the breath from Nitori, sucking away his life. It was a powerful kiss, claiming, bruising and Nitori couldn’t fight it. Instead he did what he always did and fell limp, let the other have his way until he could finally be realised.

“Mine.” Kai growled as he pulled away for air.

Nitori helplessly shook his head but the gesture was ignored, Kai threw his body onto the bed as if he were a mere rag doll.

“I’m going to remind you exactly who you belong to.” He grinned, that same malicious smile that Nitori had come to know and fear.

“Rin!” Nitori screamed, he had wanted to do this alone but at this point he realised there was no shame in accepting help.

Before he could cry his name a second time a hand slammed down on his lips.

“Why is it always about him? Why can’t I be enough?” He demanded, tears glistening in his eyes.

Nitori gasped as the hand was forcibly removed from his mouth and Kai was pulled away, Rin having acted fast when he heard the other boy’s terrified cry.

“That’s enough!” Rin shouted, despite being shorter than Kai he was still stronger – all those years training had paid off – and he could effortlessly manhandle him.

“Ai, don’t do this!” Kai begged as he was dragged away. “I love you.”

“It’s over. I’m sorry.” Nitori said just as the door was shut and separated them.

“Let me back in!” Kai shouted as he squirmed out the other boys grip.

“Not a chance.” Rin crossed his arms, protectively standing in front of their door.

“I need to talk to my boyfriend.” He growled, his hackles up like a wild animal.

“Not anymore, you heard him.” He replied, fighting the urge to smirk as Nitori was finally free of this beast.

“He’s confused, he doesn’t mean it.” He shook his head. “I know what he really wants.”

“Right, and what’s that?” Rin shouted. “To be beaten by you? To be abused by you? To be raped by you?”

“You don’t know anything.” Kai shouted back. “You have no idea what really happened between us.”

“Oh believe me I do.” He laughed bitterly, stalking towards him like a predator. “Because I was there, night after night as he cried over what you did to him. Because I held him when you broke him a little each time. But now I can finally say what I have been wanting to say since the moment he met you. He’s done with you, you’ve got no hold on him anymore.”

“If you think I will back down that easily you are sorely mistaken.” He smirked, he’d win Nitori back. He did every time.

Rin frowned and grabbed Kai by the shoulders, driving him further into the wall with a loud smack.

“Stay away from him, I mean it.” He warned, digging his nails brutally into Kai’s flesh. “I’ve kept quiet for this long but if you come back I won’t be so forgiving.”

They stared each other down, neither one wanting to back down, to admit defeat.

“Whatever.” Kai shrugged, pushing Rin off. “You’re welcome to the cheap little slut.”

Rin watched as Kai headed down the corridor, never once looking back. He didn’t doubt it wouldn’t be the last they heard from the boy but he’d be there when he returned, he’d always be there for Nitori.

…

Nitori sat on Rin’s bed, completely shell shocked. The break up playing over and over in his mind, as if it were just a dream rather than a reality. He barely flinched as he heard the door softly click closed and the mattress sagged with Rin’s added weight.

“You okay?” Rin asked softly.

The question made everything real, he’d finally done it, he was finally free. After months of torture and fear he’d finally ended it, stopped his suffering. Tears of relief began tumbling down his cheeks.

“It’s alright.” Rin whispered, wrapping Nitori in an embrace. “It’s okay now.”

“I know.” He said hysterically, barely believing the words himself.

He looked up at Rin and offered a watery smile, he felt like he could breathe for the first time, as if a tight lock on his chest had finally been unlocked.

“I’m proud of you.” Rin offered, hoping it wasn’t a patronising gesture.

“I’m proud of me too.” Nitori grinned.

He moved out of Rin’s embrace and stood tall, stretching his arms up to the sky. The world was his again, he was in control.

“And you’re sure this is what you want?” Rin asked, he knew it wasn’t the best time for his query but he needed to know he wasn’t going to go back to Kai, wasn’t going to destroy himself again.

“It is.” He nodded. “I’d rather be alone than with someone who makes me miserable.”

“I already told you.” Rin groaned. “You don’t have to be alone.”

“Senpai you don’t need to pretend anymore.” Nitori turned around and smiled, it wasn’t as full as it had been once but it was brighter than weeks gone by. “You’ve helped me realise I am worth more than Kai and I deserve happiness but I don’t want your pity.”

“Pity?” He echoed.

“Yeah, I don’t need you to be a backup. I’m worth something alone, I can see that now.” He said, Rin’s heart clenching with each word.

“Ai, I…” He stuttered.

“Don’t force feelings that aren’t there on your side.”

And with those three simple words the vice that gripped Rin was realised, Nitori felt something. He may not realise it wasn’t one sided, it may not even be of the same intensity but it was something.

“I’m not forcing anything.” Rin nervously rubbed the back of his neck. “I meant what I said last night.”

Although he never said specifically they both knew what he was referring to.

“But why?” Nitori asked.

“You really going to make me list all the reasons?” He laughed slightly but Nitori continued to stare at him in disbelief. “I, well, you’re beautiful and not just on the outside. And you’re kind and caring. And you’re so determined it’s admirable, once you set your mind to something you achieve it.”

Rin felt his cheeks heat up as he spoke, he felt slightly uncomfortable being exposed like this but he knew it was what Nitori needed to hear.

“I don’t know.” He moaned. “I just think you’re perfect, everything about you is perfect. Even if you can’t see it.”

Nitori moved quickly and silently, closing the distance between them until their lips were pressed together. The kiss was guilt free, it was everything Nitori had been dreaming off for months but had been denied for so long. He felt safe with soft brushes of lips, playful tongues and combined breaths.

Each small death he had survived with Kai were forgotten with the kiss. He was no longer afraid because Rin was his protection, his life line. A few weeks ago he would have never believed he would have felt this free, the light at the end of the tunnel seemed a thousand years away. But he’d made it, they’d made it.

Nitori wasn’t sure where he got a sudden bout of confidence from but he was soon moving closer, placing knee on either side of Rin’s lap and resting there. Pressing their bodies together, feeling the security tinged with excitement that he had longed for.

When they finally separated for air Rin moved them, gently lying Nitori down on his bed and positioning himself over him.

“Is this okay?” He panted, eyes blown with intensity.

“This is fine.” Nitori smiled, kissing Rin’s nose.

“I love you.” Rin whispered.

Nitori’s eyes raked over his entire face, soaking up the moment. Remembering what real love was like, what it looked like, what it felt like.

“You don’t have to say it back if you don’t want to.” Rin rushed, misinterpreting his silence.

“I love you too.” He smiled, as if those words washed away the past few months.

At the confession their lips joined again, neither one sure who made the first move but both knew it was what the needed. The longing that had built up between them was finally free, they were together with no obstacles, no complications.

It was different to anything they’d felt before. Rin had never been with anyone seriously, a few kisses and fooling around but nothing real, nothing permanent. Nitori felt love with every touch, with every caress.

It was perfect.

Until there was a shift, it crackled in the air. Rin adjusted, his knee innocently falling between Nitori’s thighs. It wasn’t forceful contact, it wasn’t insistent but suddenly Nitori was trapped. He was confined, dark eyes watched him, whispered in his ear, gripped at his throat.

He pulled away with flinch, eyes wide and terrified.

“Ai?” Rin asked softly, wondering what he had done wrong.

“I’m sorry.” He blurted out.

He hadn’t wanted to ruin the moment, it felt right with Rin, it was everything he’d dreamed he could have finally becoming a reality. And yet the threat of Kai still loomed, that same fear could still shatter through his body when he least expected it.

“It’s okay.” Rin reassured, moving off Nitori and lying beside him.

He gently stroked silver bangs as Nitori breathed, deep and calming until his heartbeat lowered, his pulse returned to normal, his cold sweat left.

“I don’t know what happened.” Nitori laughed in embarrassment. “I don’t know why I froze up.”

“It’s okay.” He reassured with a soft kiss to his forehead. “You don’t have to explain anything to me. You’ve been through a lot and I rushed you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not you, it’s me.” He shook his head.

He rolled over slightly until they were facing each other, red meeting blue in a soft gaze.

“Would it be okay if we just lay here and talked?” Nitori asked.

“Of course it would be.” Rin smiled.

Nitori shuffled forward, nestling into Rin, his head slotting perfectly under his chin. Rin did most of the talking and he was eternally grateful for that fact. He listened to the deep rumble of his voice from inside his chest, eyes dropping until the familiar tones of Rin lulled him to sleep.

Even after Nitori had fallen asleep Rin continued to talk, hoping even in his subconscious he realised the older boy was there for him. They were finally free from the pretence, they could be together and nothing would keep them apart.


	15. Chapter 15

Rin woke up before Nitori, watching as the smaller boy slept, gently mumbling and sighing as he dreamed. He reached out and gently stroked his skin, smoothing out where worry lines had once creased his forehead.

He traced his fingers down and gently poked the small dimples in his cheeks, not as strong as they used to be. His smiles had lost their power but those small dimples were still there, still waiting for their moment to shine once again.

“What are you doing?” Nitori asked, voice muffled as his cheeks were pinched and squeezed.

“Nothing.” Rin quickly replied, snapping his hand back in embarrassment.

Nitori opened his eyes slightly to glare at Rin, knowing that he was lying and slightly annoyed that he had been woken up by abuse to his face.

Then suddenly everything came rushing back to him from yesterday, how he’d broken free from his shackles, how he’d finally fallen into Rin’s arm. He moved slightly and sleepily nuzzled into Rin’s neck and breathed in deeply, inhaling his scent, letting it wash over him.

“I’m still waiting for all this to be a dream.” He mumbled, pressing a soft kiss against Rin’s neck.

“It’s all real.” Rin whispered, letting his hands wrap around his waist.

“Senpai!” Nitori moaned, arching his back as he felt Rin’s cold fingers touch the warm skin there.

“What?” He laughed, slipping his hand further up his shirt.

“So cold.” He complained with a soft smile.

“They’ll be warm soon.” He promised, rubbing Nitori’s soft skin.

Nitori finally moved away from Rin’s neck, looking up at him with a loving smile. He felt his cheeks heating up slightly as baby blues looked at every inch of his face, his soft lips, his bright eyes, his smooth skin.

“I love you.” Nitori said, rubbing their noses together.

“I love you too.” Rin laughed at the action.

Rin pressed a soft kiss to Nitori’s lips, revealing in the familiar sparks and warmth that settled in his stomach whenever they touched. Nitori’s lips were tender and warm and fit perfectly against his own, as if they were made for each other.

Nitori curled closer as their kiss deepened, tongues dancing slowly. Gentle early morning kisses, nothing like the desperate passionate kisses from last night but still perfect. Rin was sure every kiss, butterfly to deep, would be amazing with Nitori.

It was still early on the Sunday morning, there was no rush to do anything, to be anywhere, all they needed were each other. Holding on tight as if they were each other’s life lines, separating for breath and nothing else.

Until the high pitched cry of a phone broke the silence.

“What’s that?” Nitori asked, glancing around as Rin went in for another kiss only to plant a wet one on the cheek.

“Just my alarm.” He shrugged, peppering kisses on the other boys now exposed neck.

“Time for a jog?” He asked.

“I think I’m going to skip it for today.”

“No, you can’t.” Nitori told him, trying to wriggle away.

“I don’t want to.” Rin moaned like a child.

“You always told me that you never skip a day, don’t fall into bad habits.” He scolded.

The pair shared a stare off, neither one willing to back down. They lasted for about five minutes until Nitori scrunched his nose up in frustration, causing Rin to laugh at the adorable look, now even more certain he was going to stay in bed all day.

“I will still be here when you get back.” Nitori said, almost reading his mind.

Before he had a chance to respond Nitori had rolled out the bed and stumbled to the other side of the room. Looking back at him with his hands on his waist.

“Now I’m not in bed anymore so you have no excuse.” He told him sternly.

“Alright, fine.” Rin laughed, getting out of the bed too. “You’re cute.”

“No I’m not.” He pouted, letting Rin gather him up in his arms.

“Yes you are.” He disagreed, pressing a kiss into his hair. “Now go have a shower.”

“Fine, bossy.” Nitori sighed as Rin sent him towards the bathroom.

Once he was alone Rin let a wide smile take over his features, if someone told him he would act this way around Nitori, so soft and fluffy then he would have laughed in their faces. And yet, Nitori brought this side out in him, a side that he sees in his best friends all the time and teases them for it. But now it felt right, it felt like he was destined to be with Nitori.

…

Nitori came out of the shower and jumped slightly when he saw Rin still stood in the room, stretching out his calves.

“I thought I told you to leave.” He sighed, least the other boy had managed to get dressed.

“In a minute.” He smiled, letting his leg drop and grabbing his other.

“You know, when you’re dating someone time apart is sometimes needed.” Nitori rolled his eyes.

“So we’re dating are we?” Rin asked with a smirk.

“Oh!” He blushed. “Well, I just assumed after last night… You know what forget I said anything. I was just thinking… Never mind, it was stupid.” He rambled, only stopping when Rin pressed his lips to his temple.

“I was only teasing.” He laughed.

“Not funny.” Nitori pouted, only to have the sulk kissed away seconds later by Rin.

“I’m going now.” Rin whispered, despite never separating from the other.

“Okay.” He replied, giving him another kiss.

“I’m serious.”

“Okay.” He kissed.

“Bye.”

“Bye.” Nitori kissed him again.

“I’m going.” Rin laughed, moving away before Nitori could kiss him again.

The silver haired boy looked up at him with a frown, lips shining and pouting as he uselessly held his hands forward, waiting for Rin to return to his arms.

“Don’t give me that look.” He shook his head. “You’re the one who told me to leave.”

“Well I changed my mind.” He shrugged.

“You’re the one who said time apart is healthy.” Rin quipped, grabbing his jacket off his chair and throwing it on.

“Fine.” Nitori snapped in mock anger. “Just abandon me.”

“Drama queen.” He rolled his eyes, running out of their shared dorm.

…

Nitori sat at his desk, mindlessly tapping the wood with the rubber end of his pencil. He’d decided to do some homework while he had the chance but as of yet he hadn’t even managed to open his book.

With a groan he let his head drop forward, listening to the loud ticking of his clock. Counting down until Rin returned.

“I need to do something!” He complained to himself.

He forced himself to sit up, no longer using the text book as a pillow but instead for its intended purpose. He turned to the pages that had been set and felt his eyes glaze over.

Equations and formulas blurred into one as he struggled to read, maths was never his strong point anyway.

He’d barely read the first question when he heard the door to his dorm open and close. He shook his head with a laugh at Rin.

“I don’t think that qualifies as a true run.” He turned towards the door and felt all the blood drain from his face, his heart stuttered and his palms became sweaty.

“Hello Ai.” The other boy sneered.

“Kai.” He gasped, backing out of his chair. “What are you doing here?”

“We need to talk.”

…

Rin hunched over his knees as he came to a fork in the road, one way led him on his usual route and the other led him quickly back to his dorm. He took deep breaths as he debated which way to go.

He knew he should go for a long run, he didn’t really want to be getting into bad habits, but at the same time he didn’t want to be out for another half an hour. If he headed down the other path he’d be home within ten minutes.

He knew Nitori would tease him if he turned up after only a pathetic twenty minute run when his usual was a minimum of forty five. But a little part of him felt it was worth the teasing.

He felt his heartrate returning to normal as he stood, never closer to a solution but his body was slowly winding down, cooling down.

Shaking his head, Rin took off running again to make the most of his time out. Pushing himself as he ran so he’d be home quicker.

…

“We have nothing left to talk about.” Nitori stuttered, wishing he had just let Rin stay with him. Why had he been so insistent that he went for a run?

“Oh, I think we do.” Kai disagreed, stalking towards him.

“I want you to leave.” He said sternly, trying to stand his ground despite how his body shook.

“Sit down.” He gestured towards the bed.

“No.” He shook his head.

“You’ll be more comfortable.” He insisted, taking that final step until they were chest to chest, warning bells screaming inside Nitori’s mind.

“I don’t want to.” He wouldn’t cave, he couldn’t cave. He knew Kai craved power over him, it started out small but it was like a snowball that grew and grew until Nitori was just a shell again.

“I said sit down!” Kai roared, grabbing Nitori by his shoulders and harshly forcing him onto the bed.

Nitori’s eyes were wide with shock and fear as he frantically searching for his phone, catching sight of it on his desk briefly before Kai loomed into his vision.

“That’s better.” He grinned.

“What did you want to talk about?” Nitori asked, hoping to distract him before he made a dive for his phone, calling Rin would be enough. He’d hear their voices and he’d come back, he’d save Nitori like he always did.

“I just want you to know I forgive you.” He said calmly, momentarily confusing the other boy.

“For what?” He frowned.

“For all this unnecessary hurt you’ve caused.” Kai told him calmly.

“I’ve caused?” He cried in disbelief.

“I understand, this is all just a phase. But when you realise that _he_ doesn’t love you like I do you will be back.” He said, a hint of a threat gleaming in his eye.

“That won’t happen.” Nitori replied, moving so that he was poised and ready to run.

“Yes it will!” Kai shouted, making a grab for Nitori who acted faster. He ran from his bed to grab his phone, hands fumbling as he desperately tried to unlock his phone. He’d barely had a chance to find Rin in his contacts before he was being grabbed again and roughly thrown across the room.

He hit the wall with a thump, body curling up in pain as he landed on the soft mattress of Rin’s bed. He vaguely registered the sinking movement as Kai followed after him, straddling him and forcing him to look up at him.

Nitori tried to scramble away but it was a useless he was caged, trapped by Kai once again.

“Why can’t you understand that I love you?” Kai cried desperately.

His heart wasn’t behind the words, Nitori could see that. Maybe it had always been that way. Maybe he’d always been cold and disconnected when he told him he loved him. Maybe Nitori wanted to believe him so much he’d fabricated pure love there. Maybe being with Rin finally showed him he was worth more. Whatever it was Nitori could finally see through his lies, he knew he’d always treat him this way and he knew he’d never love him like he deserved.

“You don’t love me!” Nitori fought back. “Rin…”

The words were stolen from his throat by a tight grip, fingers pressing down around his neck. Stopping words, and breath, from escaping.

“Don’t say his name.” He demanded, tears falling from his eyes onto Nitori’s cheeks. “Stop saying his name.”

Nitori took desperate gulps of air but they never got any further than his mouth, his lungs burning and crying out for a release that was never given.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.” Kai repeated over and over, hot tears falling down his cheeks.

The corners of Nitori’s vision slowly turned black, taking over him until he could no longer keep his eyes open. His ears blocked and Kai’s voice became nothing more than a distant rumble. His brain grew more and more starved of oxygen and his whole body began to shut down.

He felt like he was floating, as if he were on his back in the pool. Water lapping at his sides, holding him as the life drained from him, spreading into the cool liquid all around him. A face appeared before him as he lay in the pool, Rin’s face. He was illuminated like an angel, light shining around him like a halo.

Nitori’s face contorted into a smile, glad that the last thing he saw was his saviour rather than the boy who killed him a little each day.

Just as he felt his body succumbing to the inevitable a voice cried out and broke through the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shall I just go and hide under a rock? Not only has it been weeks since I updated but I leave it there!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine’s Day!! I hope this is a sufficient gift of love <3

Rin stumbled over his own feet as he ran back into his room, Nitori struggling to breathe on the bed as Kai loomed over him. Chanting over and over how much he loved him despite his hands tight around his neck.

“Hey! Get off him!” He shouted, springing into the life.

The shout broke through Nitori’s cloudy mind, moments before the pressure was released from his neck. He harshly gasped and panted as he felt the life rush back to him. He barely registered the commotion around him until he saw Rin dragging Kai out of their room.

Once the door was shut Rin slammed Kai against the walls, no longer having to hold himself back. He never wanted Nitori to see him hurt Kai, he didn’t want his boyfriend to fear him if he knew he was capable of such anger.

“Let go of me!” Kai growled, uselessly thrashing in Rin’s hold, he may have had a height advantage on the boy but Rin was all muscle.

“No!” He snapped. “You’re lucky I’m not murdering you right now.”

“You don’t deserve him!” Kai shouted, nails scratching at Rin’s hold.

“I love him, more than you could ever understand.” He said, no longer caring who knew. He was in love with Ai and he was proud of it.

“Stop it! Stop trying to come between us.” He begged but it fell on deaf ears.

“Can’t you see it’s over? He doesn’t want you anymore.” He shook the other boy, anger thrumming through his veins.

“You’re putting words into his mouth.” He hissed, glaring at Rin.

“Believe me, I am not the one here who forces things into him.” Rin tightened his hold, feeling a sick satisfaction as Kai winced at the pain.

“He loves me.” He cried.

“No he doesn’t, he never did.” Rin told him.

“No!” Kai shook his head desperately. “Ai! Please Ai! I need you!”

“Stop.” Rin slammed his hand down on his lips. “Don’t try and manipulate him any longer, it’s over.”

With those final words Rin pushed off, backing towards his door and never taking his eyes off Kai. He was poised and ready for any attack, it didn’t matter what Kai did to him as long as he never went near Nitori again.

“I will never give up.” Kai promised ominously. “You can’t keep him from me forever.”

“Don’t underestimate me.” He warned.

The pair stared each other down, neither one willing to admit defeat, neither one wanting to back down. Two alpha males fighting over a precious lover, but Rin knew Kai may have won many of the battles but he had won the war.

Nitori loved him, Nitori wanted him and it didn’t matter how many times the over inflated idiot came around Rin would never let him take what was his.

Eventually, Rin broke the look between them, slipping back into his room and firmly locking the door behind him. It wasn’t often he did that but today he felt like there was a need.

He listened as Kai ran at the door, the wood shaking as he hurled his body repeatedly against the frame.

“You can’t protect him forever!” Kai shouted through the wood. “You have to leave him eventually and when you do I will claim what is rightfully mine.”

The words shook Rin to his core, though he never wanted to admit it he felt intimidated. He knew he couldn’t protect Nitori twenty four seven but god how he wanted to.

He turned to the bed to see Nitori curled in on himself, hands pressed down tightly on his ears, eyes clenched shut. He was whispering and muttering to himself under his breath, quickly and full of fear.

Rin rushed to his side, bending down besides the bed completely unnoticed by the other boy. He gently reached out to stroke his shoulder only for Nitori to back himself further into a corner, eyes wide like prey.

“It’s okay, it’s just me.” He reassured, holding his hand out.

Nitori’s eyes slowly focused as he came back around, back to the moment and out of his fear. His breathing slowed down and he finally spoke.

“Rin?” He croaked, voice still hoarse.

“Hey.” He smiled softly.

Nitori scrambled forward and threw his arms around Rin’s neck, sobbing as the reality of the situation finally hit him. Throat still raw.

“I was so scared.” He admitted. “I thought I was going to die.”

“I would never let that happen.” Rin promised, tightening his hold on the other boy.

Nitori cried and cried until no tears remained, until he felt no more pain, until he felt safe again.

…

Rin lay on his bed watching Nitori, his red eyes downcast as he rubbed at his sore neck, bruises developing where fingertips had once been. They hadn’t said anything in almost an hour but words hadn’t really been needed. They just needed to know it was real, that Nitori was still alive, that his heart was still beating under his skin.

Every so often Rin would reach out and touch his chest, almost sighing in relief when he felt the soft but slow thumping.

“If I…” Rin started, Nitori jumping slightly at the unexpected noise. “If I had taken my normal route then…”

He trailed off, he couldn’t bring himself to say the words, if he said the aloud it almost made them real, that he has nearly lost Nitori this afternoon.

“I know.” Nitori whispered.

“If something happened to you.” Rin shook his head, it didn’t bear thinking about.

He moved forward and pressed his lips to Nitori’s head, pressing light kisses on the clammy skin.

“I would never forgive myself.” He whispered against the frown lines.

Nitori nodded.

“I saw you.” He told him.

“What do you mean?” Rin asked.

“When Kai was strangling me.” He said, Rin cringing slightly at the words he couldn’t bring himself to say. “I saw your face, you were smiling down at me. I thought that if I was going to die least it was with you.”

Rin clenched his eyes shut, hiding the tears that built behind his eyes. Maybe Kai had been right, he wasn’t worthy of such a pure soul.

“I thought I knew what love was, I thought that’s what I felt with Kai but it wasn’t. I could see it in his eyes, finally, I realised that he didn’t love me he just controlled me. And if that was my dying thought I was happy with that.” He whispered.

“Don’t talk like that.” Rin choked. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“I know, but this afternoon I thought it was my time.” He shrugged, as if they weren’t discussing his death. “But you came back from me, my angel.”

Nitori sighed happily and leaned into Rin’s neck, inhaling his scent and finally feeling at peace.

“My perfect angel.” He whispered.

Rin held Nitori as he slowly went limp, his heart stuttered every time he felt a slightly irregular breath against his skin. It didn’t matter how much of a reassurance the warm body in his arms was, he was still scared.

He couldn’t ever lose his love.

…

Rin held Nitori’s hand tightly as they wandered down to the food hall, it didn’t bother him that people stared it only made him want to hold the other boy closer.

Nitori had claimed he didn’t want anything to eat but Rin had refused to leave him alone, and after the scare they had both had this afternoon he agreed with the sentiment. He knew that he was being coddled but at this point he really couldn’t find the strength to argue against it.

He felt everyone’s eyes on him as they walked, head down as he tried to hide behind Rin’s back. The other boy had his head held high, not caring if anyone was watching them. Despite Nitori’s attempts to curl in on himself Rin would not let him go, would not let him shy away.

In truth, he was beyond the point where he cared what people thought about him but he didn’t want Rin to deal with the judging eyes.

He knew in an all-boys school a same sex relationship wasn’t unusual but that didn’t mean it was readily accepted. It was never something he felt bothered by with Kai, he had enough to deal with without worrying about prying eyes.

But if Rin felt self-conscious, if he ever left him he wouldn’t know what he would do.

The pair arrived at the food counter, a couple of eyes still watched them but most had returned to their food. It didn’t stop Nitori from burying his head between Rin’s shoulders, hand clenching tighter around the others.

“What do you fancy?” Rin asked, as if he didn’t notice the limpet against his back.

“I don’t mind.” He shrugged.

“Well, there is enough chilli left that we could both have some.” He mused.

“Sounds good.” He mumbled.

“Two chilli’s to go please.” Rin addressed the canteen worker.

“Sure.” She nodded, giving Nitori a confused look.

As she pottered around Rin cast a glance over his shoulder, hating how afraid and timid the shorter boy looked.

“It’s okay, you’re safe now.” He whispered.

“I know.” He nodded.

But he wasn’t, there would always be another obstacle, another problem, another prejudice to overcome. But if Rin didn’t care why couldn’t he? Why did he always feel like he had to conform, to please?

He was happy with his life, he was proud of his love for Rin but why couldn’t he show it.

“Nitori! Matsuoka!” An annoyed voice shouted across the canteen, causing a hush to fall over the room.

The pair looked back to see Mikoshiba powering across the room, eyebrows furrowed and angry unlike the usual smirk that adorned his features.

“Captain?” Nitori stuttered as he got closer.

“And where exactly were you two this afternoon?” He asked crossing his arms.

Rin turned the pair around, subconsciously putting himself between Nitori and any trouble again. He wasn't sure why but he had a primal need to protect Nitori, even if it was small danger he wouldn’t let it hurt him.

“What are you chatting about?” Rin frowned.

“Afternoon practice? Swimming? Nationals coming up? Any of this ringing a bell?” He frowned.

“Something came up.” He shrugged.

Mikoshiba frowned, looking around Rin to see if Nitori backed up this excuse. But before Nitori had a chance to explain himself, Mikoshiba’s gaze went down to the boy’s neck. His eyes widened and his smirk returned quickly when he noticed the red and purple marks littering his pale skin.

“Something came up, huh?” Mikoshiba joked.

“That is not what happened.” Rin growled, disgusted that he would even think that he could do something like that to Nitori, be the cause of his pain.

“Yeah, yeah.” He laughed. “Look, I don’t care what you two do in your spare time just don’t let it interfere with swimming, okay?”

“You’re jumping to the wrong conclusion.” Rin shook his head.

“Somehow I don’t think I am.” He cocked his head towards the pair’s conjoined hands.

“I will explain it all later but for now just drop it.” He instructed angrily.

“If you insist.” He shook his head. “But try to leave out all the sordid details.”

With a final, loud chuckle Mikoshiba walked off, heading back to the table he had been at to start with, where his food was no doubt going cold.

“Chilli’s ready.” The worker said, causing Nitori to jump at the unexpected voice.

“Right, thanks.” Rin said, taking the boxes from her outstretched hand before leading them both back to the bedroom.

…

They ate in silence, Rin not realising he was hungry until the first bits of spice hit his tongue. Nitori, on the other hand, was just uselessly pushing his food around the box, having lost his appetite.

“Don’t tell captain.” Nitori muttered.

“Tell him what?” He asked through a mouthful of food.

“What happened with Kai.”

“He needs to know Ai, he has been worried about you for months now. He needs closure.” He explained.

“But he won’t believe you, I don’t want him hating me too.” He whispered, tears forming in his eyes.

Rin quickly moved both their dinners before pulling him into a hug.

“Why would he hate you?” Rin asked, gently stroking his back.

“Because Kai is his friend, why should he believe me over him?”

Suddenly he remembered how this had all started, it all seemed so long ago now. Nitori had been struggling with his work, Mikoshiba had recommended a boy from his class. Top of everything, smart, seemed nice but how wrong that assumption had been.

But to think that the captain would believe what was essentially a stranger over him would be ridiculous.

“Please don’t tell him, I’m begging you Rin.” He sobbed into his shoulder.

“He’s a good guy, he’s not going to abandon you when he finds out.” He tried to reassure.

“I don’t want him to know, I don’t want anyone to know.”

Rin knew how reluctant Nitori had been to let him in to what was happening, he’d kept it a secret for such a long time. He’d hid all the signs, all the bruises, all the pain for as long as he physically could. Involving another person, as much as they both trusted Mikoshiba, was too hard. He was an outsider to the situation and Nitori just wasn’t ready to open up yet.

“Okay.” Rin nodded. “I won’t tell him, I won’t tell anyone.”

“Thank you.” He whispered, pulling back to kiss Rin softly on the lips.

Rin smiled and lowered his hands, pulling him closer so he rested softly in his lap.

“I really do love you, you know that?” Nitori smiled.

“Yeah, I love you too.” He grinned, pulling him in for another kiss.

…

Rin watched the clock ticking on the wall, counting down the minutes until his lesson was over and he could return to Nitori. He really hadn’t want to leave him this morning, but the younger boy had needed another day to himself, not ready to return to the world of school yet.

And Rin had accepted that but unfortunately he really had no reason to stay at home himself. Nonetheless he had locked the door as he left and Nitori had promised to not answer it to anyone.

As soon as the bell rang he ran out the room, not caring if he knocked some of his classmates over. He had somewhere to be, more important people to see.  His heart pounded in his ears as he journeyed, school had been a reasonable distraction but now it was over he was worried. What if Nitori had got hungry and wasn’t interested in any of the food Rin had left for him, what is he had left the room and Kai had found him.

As he turned onto his corridor his blood turned cold, their door was slightly open, the lock looked as if it had been tampered with.

“Ai!” He shouted, running into their room.

When he walked in he choked on a scream, blood was everywhere in their room, Nitori’s limp body lounging across the bed. His blood flooded Rin’s sheets, eyes glazed over as he stared at the wall.

“Rin?” He gasped, noticing who had walked in.

“What happened?” He asked, falling to his knees besides the bed.

“Kai, I thought it was you but it wasn’t.” He laughed, losing his words to a cough.

“Where is he?” He growled, glancing around the room.

“I don’t know, he left.” Nitori attempted to shrug but his body was too weak.

“What did he do to you?” He cried, stroking his blood crusted hair.

“I can’t remember, it all happened so fast. I tried to fight him but I lost, I’m not as strong as you.” He smiled up at Rin.

“Okay, we’re going to get you to the hospital and you’re going to be okay, I promise.” He panicked, applying pressure to his wounds.

“It’s too late, it’s my time to go my angel.” Nitori wheezed.

“No.” Rin shook his head desperately.

“I love you my perfect angel.” He whispered with his final breath.

…

Rin woke up in a cold sweat, tightly holding Nitori from where they had fallen asleep earlier. His breath still fanning against his skin, his pulse still thrumming through his veins.

He pressed a soft kiss to his head, smiling at the soft moan that escaped Nitori at the sensation. Even if it had only been a dream it had felt too real, after today he couldn’t shake the feeling he really was going to lose Nitori if he wasn’t careful.

No matter what he had said earlier, he knew he had to tell someone, this was just a secret he could no longer keep. If it meant protecting Nitori he would break their trust just this once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, there is a reason why this chapter took me a million years to actually get out and that was because I was debating where to go with it. Originally when Rin and Nitori were lying on the bed and talking Nitori was going to die, in a he’s finally at peace with his life kinda way. But I really, really didn’t want to kill him off but I had written myself into a corner with the whole Kai never giving up thing. So I went with the Rin is going to get him expelled route but I feel like it’s a bit of a cop out with the mood this whole story had. But I am ranting a bit now, so cop out or not I couldn’t kill baby Ai <3 so yeah, that’s the story.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was never mentioned before, because it wasn’t needed, but Kai’s surname is Tsushima. It will make sense why I had to tell you that when you read it.

The clock ticked loudly as Rin nervously bounced his leg up and down, awkwardly reading all the diplomas and awards on the walls as his head teacher processed this information.

“I see.” Chino-sensei sighed. “These are some very serious accusations Matsuoka.”

“I understand that.” Rin nodded, shifting awkwardly in his chair.

“And you have little to no evidence.” He shook his head.

“I have evidence! Ask Ai, ask Kai, ask anyone who lives near them, they probably heard something.” He snapped.

“Please calm down Matsuoka.” He raised his voice slightly. “I’m not saying I don’t believe you I’m just saying there is a lack of proof.”

“You believe me?” He balked, expecting more of a battle.

“Well, ordinarily I wouldn’t. Teenage boys can come up with some very vicious rumours if they’ve got a particular vendetta, too much testosterone flying around you see? But Miyoshi, shares a wall with Tsushima, came to see me a few weeks ago.” He explained.

“What did he say?” He probed, expecting a refusal.

“He mentioned a lot of strange noises coming from Tsushima’s room, lots of shouting and banging. When we asked him he said it was just some exercise equipment he had, and as we knew he didn’t share a room with anyone we dismissed the issues. Miyoshi never mentioned Nitori so we assumed he wasn’t fighting with anyone.” He sighed again, disgusted with himself for failing his student like this. “But now you’ve come forward we shall be addressing the issue.”

“Thank you!” Rin exclaimed in gratitude.

“Of course I will need to set up a meeting with Nitori.” He added.

“You will?” He flinched slightly. “No way we can do it without him?”

“He is kind of the main victim in all this.” He frowned. “I thought this is what you wanted.”

“It is!” He insisted. “Just let me bring him to you rather than you coming to get him. Please.”

“Fine.” Chino-sensei agreed. “You have a week then I will seek him out myself.”

“Thank you.” He nodded, lifting himself out the chair and heading towards the door.

“You better hurry back Matsuoka, you will miss your class at this rate.”

“Sure.” Rin smiled, knowing there was no real warning in his teachers tone.

…

Rin didn’t go to his lesson, instead he made a beeline for Nitori’s last class of the day. Chino-sensei had been right he’d missed most of his lesson so why bother? He may as well get to Nitori’s class early and walk him back to the dorms. He knew he was coddling him slightly but until Kai was gone that was how it had to be.

“Rin?” Nitori frowned when he noticed the older boy leaning against the wall. “What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you.” He shrugged, pulling the boy in for a quick kiss. “I thought that much was obvious.”

“But your lesson was on the other side of campus.” He gave him a small ‘you’re busted’ glare.

“Eh, it’s not a problem.” He laughed it off.

“Rin.” He pouted. “You don’t need to let me get in the way of your studies, I’m not a baby.”

“I know, and soon I won’t have to.” He squeezed his hand, leading Nitori back to the dorms.

“What do you mean soon?” He questioned, suspiciously.

“I’ll explain later.” He bit his lip. “Why don’t you tell me about your day?”

Nitori frowned but let it slide for now, instead he filled the silence of their walk with small tales and anecdotes about his day. Rin listened with a smile, it was barely noticeable but Nitori was coming back, he was getting his confidence again and when Kai was gone he would just continue to glow.

“Right, we’re alone.” Nitori turned to Rin when he shut the door to their dorm.

“We are.” He agreed with a smirk, quickly pulling the smaller boy into his arms.

“That’s not what I meant.” He moaned as Rin kissed his neck.

“I know.” He sighed, leaving feather light kisses on the still visible purple bruises. “I spoke to Chino-sensei today.”

He didn’t have to say anymore, he didn’t have to specify what he had said, the way Nitori tensed up in his arms Rin knew he understood.

“Why?” He hissed. “Why would you do that?”

“Somebody needs to do something about Kai, he can’t get away with it.” He reasoned.

“He hasn’t got away with it!” Nitori shouted, taking a step back and out of his embrace. “It’s over, I left him.”

“That’s hardly the same, what’s to stop him from coming back? Or finding someone else? He needs to be dealt with.” He disagreed.

“I said I didn’t want to involve anyone else, you promised you’d keep this to yourself.” He cried, feeling utterly betrayed.

“I know, but I’m doing what’s best for you.” Rin tried to reason.

“What’s best for me?” He echoed. “You do not get to decide what it best for me.”

“I’m not trying to.” He denied.

“Yes you are!” Nitori ran his fingers through his hair. “You’re trying to control me.”

“It’s not like that.” He said softly, easily seeing the signs of his boyfriend’s distress.

“You’re just like him, you’re just like everyone else. Telling me what to do, how to behave, what to think!” He screamed, pulling at his hair.

“You know that’s not true.” He shook his head, holding his hand out only for Nitori to back away from his touch.

“I need some air.” He declared, making a move for the door.

“Ai, don’t leave like this.” He begged, grabbing the other boy’s wrist.

As soon as he’d done it he regretted it, he knew it was the wrong action but it was too late. Nitori flinched and cowered as soon as he’d made contact, hand coming up instinctively to protect himself from any blow.

“Ai.” Rin whispered, releasing his hold.

It took Nitori a moment to realise the stance he was in, sheepishly dropping his hands back to his sides. He shook slightly with the aftermath of his fear, eyes watering as he came back around.

“I’m sorry.” Nitori whispered.

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” Rin reassured him, opening his arms wide as Nitori lunged forwards.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He chanted, wiping his eyes on Rin’s shirt as he tightly gripped the material.

“It’s okay.” He stroked his back. “I would never hurt you.”

“I know you wouldn’t.” He sobbed. “That’s why I’m sorry!”

“I understand Ai, if anyone should be sorry it’s me.” He pressed a kiss into his hair.

“How’d you figure that?” Nitori snorted.

“Because I should know better.” He shook his head. “I know everything you went through with Kai and I still pushed you.”

“It’s fine.” Nitori finally released his grip and wrapped his arm around his waist. “It’s not your fault I’m this way, if it weren’t for you I’d be worse.”

“I would never have let that happen.” He promised, gently taking Nitori’s chin and moving his face so their eyes met.

Nitori relaxed into the touch, he knew this love was different, this was the love he deserved. And while that small fear would always remain, ringing out in the darkest corners of his mind but with Rin it grew quieter and quieter. So much so, he didn’t even flinch when Rin closed the gap between them and softly caught his lips.

He hummed in pleasure at the sensation, lifting up onto his toes to deepen the kiss, and the red-head certainly wasn’t protesting. Rin’s hand lowered during the kiss, nervously cupping Nitori’s bottom. The smaller boy gasped at the contact but he didn’t pull away, he let himself be held because he knew he was safe.

They pulled away panting, eyes wide and lips glossy.

“Okay.” Nitori nodded, causing Rin to frown in confusion.

“Okay, what?” He laughed.

“I’ll go talk to Chino-sensei, I’ll tell him everything if you promise me one thing.” He bit his lip.

“Anything.”

“You will come with me.” He asked.

“Of course.” Rin promised.

Nitori smiled softly, before pulling Rin back down to his lips. He knew he couldn’t hide in their love forever, he knew he had to do something about Kai but for now he just wanted to forget and escape reality.

…

“Thank you for agreeing to see me, Nitori.” Chino-sensei said, placing a drink in front of the boy in an attempt to relax him. He could tell the boy was nervous, the hand which wasn’t tightly gripping Rin’s was shaking as he brought the liquid up to his mouth.

“Thank you.” He mumbled, taking a sip of the drink.

They sat in silence for a moment, the teacher waiting for the boy to offer up some information but the way he bit his lip showed he wasn’t going to share anything he didn’t need to. He would have to question him and hope he was willing to give some answers.

“Nitori, could you tell me the nature of your relationship with Tsushima.” He prompted.

“Erm, he’s my ex.” He said softly, if it weren’t so quiet in the room the reply would have gone undetected.

“Right, and would you say it was a romantic relationship?”

“I suppose so.” He agreed.

“Why do you say you suppose so?” He asked, only getting a shrug from the other boy. “Did Tsushima ever hurt you Nitori?”

He got a small nod in response, the boy’s eyes dropping to the table as he nervously fingered the pattern of wood.

“In what ways?” Chino-sensei questioned, already knowing a small gesture was all he’d get in response. “Did he hit you?”

“Amongst other things.” Rin scoffed.

“Matsuoka.” He scolded. “You have already had your say, if you cannot stay quiet I will ask you to leave.”

“No!” Nitori shouted, the loudest his head teacher had ever heard the boy speak. “I want him to stay.”

“Okay.” He nodded. “If it makes you comfortable Matsuoka will stay, but he will remain silent.”

Rin begrudgingly nodded but he knew not to put up a fight, Nitori needed him and that was more important than a silly need to outsmart a teacher.

“How often did he hit you?” He asked, sighing inwardly when he only got a shrug. “Nitori, I understand this is hard for you but if you don’t tell me anything then there is simply nothing I can do about the situation.”

“Come on Ai, he wants to help you.” Rin whispered, stroking Nitori’s hair.

Chino-sensei decided not to draw focus to the nature of their relationship at this moment. While he couldn’t exactly ban the boys in his school from dating it was certainly frowned upon if the pair shared a room, they were underage after all. But he was here to run an academy, not patrol the halls to make sure there were no inappropriate nightly activities.

“Kai was… He used to get jealous, especially of Rin.” He mumbled, eyes on his lap, not that Chino-sensei would complain, he was just happy he was talking.

“Okay.” He nodded, softly showing he was listening and for Nitori to take his time.

“If we were together and Rin would text he would get upset and he’d… He would hit me, sometimes just a slap other times he would punch me, occasionally he would kick me but it wasn’t often. I… I never fought back but I knew there was no point, I wouldn’t win.” He swallowed. “The longer we were together the worse it got but I didn’t want anyone to know. I covered up my bruises and pretended we were okay. He always said he was sorry afterwards and I believed him.”

“Here.” He said, holding out a tissue to the student.

“Thanks.” He croaked, rubbing his eyes. “After a while he wanted to take our relationship further but I wasn’t ready. He forced me… I wanted to stop him but I was too weak.”

“Nitori, I need you to answer this question for me.” He said stiffly, Rin had not mentioned any sexual abuse in his account. “Did Tsushima rape you?”

“Yes, multiple times.” He admitted.

“And did you go to the school nurse or doctor? To check yourself over?” He asked, hoping for some evidence.

“No, should I have done?” He frowned, finally looking up and meeting his teacher’s eye.

“No, I was just wondering. Please continue.” He smiled encouragingly.

“One time when we were… getting physical.” Nitori blushed, Rin rubbing the back of his hand comfortingly. “Rin came back to the dorm and saw what Kai was doing to me, he broke it up and stopped Kai from coming near me. Shortly after that incident I ended things with Kai but he hasn’t accepted it.”

“Is he still harassing you Nitori?” He asked.

“Yes, when I was alone he came to the dorm room and attacked me again. Only this time he didn’t really hit me he just strangled me.” He explained, awkwardly lowering the collar of his shirt to show the still visible hand prints. “If Rin hadn’t come back in time then… Well I don’t want to think about it.”

“Okay.” Chino-sensei nodded, processing the information.

“What happens now?” Rin asked as Nitori downed the rest of his water.

“First, I will need everything that Nitori just said in a written statement, signed by him. Secondly, Tsushima will be expelled immediately and the school security will be informed he is not to come within the school grounds under any circumstances. And thirdly, we will contact the local authorities who will want to speak with Nitori and will decide what the appropriate punishment is for his crimes.” He told them both, quickly turning to his computer to access the right documents.

“I don’t want to go to the police.” Nitori shook his head. He knew cases like this very rarely favoured the victim and if he was being honest he didn’t want to drag it all up again. He just wanted to forget everything that had happened and move on with his life.

“Nitori, we cannot brush an incident like this under the rug. You may still be teenagers but there must still be consequences for these actions.” He said sternly.

“But they won’t believe me, I just can’t go through that again.” He begged, tears developing in the corners of his eyes.

“Nitori, please calm down.” Chino-sensei whispered, handing the boy another tissue. “You are a vulnerable party in this situation. Based on your age and the circumstances you will not be expected to talk to the police alone, you will have an adult with you at all times. All you will do is give a statement, you will not testify in court to protect your mental health. It will be exactly the same as today only I will be on that side of the desk with you and a policeman will be on this side. Do you think you can do that?”

Nitori bit his lip, nervously glancing to his side. He knew what Rin would say, he thought Kai should be punished for what he did but Kai was young, he had his whole life ahead of him and Nitori was about to ruin it.

_Just like he ruined mine._ He thought bitterly to himself, shocking himself at his own malice. He supposed in a way it was true, and didn’t they always say a life for a life? At the very least Kai might get the help he needs so that he doesn’t make these mistakes with future relationships.

“Okay.” Nitori finally nodded. “I’ll go to the police.”

“I think that if probably for the best.” Chino-sensei agreed.

“But I want Rin with me too.” He said.

“I’m sure that can be arranged.” He agreed.

…

Kai stared at the arch of Samezuka, knowing this was the closest he would get to the school now. Security had definitely got tighter since he’d been forced out.

He still couldn’t believe Rin had corrupted Nitori so much, to plant enough lies that he felt their relationship had been anything but love. He knew if he could just talk to his boyfriend he could make him see things his way, the right way, but now he had no chance.

It was like he was locked out of love, an invisible barrier stopping him from ever getting what was rightfully his. Rin had well and truly stolen his Ai.

“Kai!” A voice shouted, a tall figure making its way out of the school gates.

“Seijuro?” He frowned against the sunlight.

“Hey, long time no see.” He smiled, but Kai could tell it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Yeah. What are you doing here?” He asked, wondering why the boy had sought him out.

“I could ask you the same question.” He shrugged.

“I was just looking at the old place before I left for good.” He gestured to the building behind them.

“Yeah, I heard you were leaving. Why is that again?” He asked, tone dropping.

“Personal reasons.” Kai stuttered as he noticed more boys slipping out the school gates, all dressed in the swim club’s strip.

“Really? Because I heard that you beat and raped someone. Someone I might know.” Seijuro growled, taking a step forward and towering over Kai.

“I… It wasn’t like that.” He denied, wondering how far he could outrun the team.

“See, I would believe you if I hadn’t seen Nitori after you’d finished with him, we all saw it. Bruises, cuts, scratches and more we probably didn’t even notice.” He pushed him, the boy stumbling back. “If I’d have known what you did you would not have been walking out of here with your limbs still intact.”

“Come on Sei.” He laughed nervously. “We’re friends, remember?”

“Not anymore.” He shook his head. “When you mess with one of us you mess with all of us.”

Kai’s eyes widened as the group closed in around him, far enough away from the school that nobody could hear his cries.

…

Nitori yawned loudly as he tried to focus on the film playing on Rin’s laptop, it was a little too action packed for his liking but the other boy was absorbed in the plot. Sleepily, Nitori rolled over in the bed so he could nuzzle into Rin’s chest.

“You’re going to miss the best part.” Rin said, resting his chin on Nitori’s head.

“I’m sure I’ll survive.” He brushed off his concerns, letting his eyes flutter closed.

“Suit yourself.” He shrugged, his attention falling back on the film.

Despite turning away from the light, the noise from the film still proved too loud for Nitori to sleep through. But he wasn’t bothered, instead he just lay still, letting himself enjoy the feel of Rin against him, the sound of his heartbeat, the smell of home. It was finally over, he was finally free. And he finally had someone he loved to share his life with.

He knew it wasn’t truly all over, he still had to meet with the police next week but with Rin by his side he could take on the world. He wasn’t sure what the future would hold but he knew he could handle it.

He smiled to himself as Rin awkwardly tried to turn off his laptop without jostling Nitori too much, using the switch by his bed to plunge the room into darkness. Once he’d shuffled back down into the bed, Nitori wrapped his arms around his waist and pressed a kiss to his neck.

“Sorry.” Rin whispered into the darkness. “Did I wake you?”

“No.” Nitori shook his head with a smile, choosing not to mention the film had stopped him from sleeping anyway.

“Good.” He sighed, lazily giving him a kiss on his forehead.

Nitori watched Rin’s face, barely visible in the darkness, his hair falling across his cheeks, eyes closed as he tried to sleep, mouth hanging open slightly. But still managing to take Nitori’s breath away.

He surreptitiously stuck his foot out from under the cover, it always got a little stuffy in Rin’s bed. But he would never leave, he would never sleep in his own bed. Not now.

He reached up and gently stroked Rin’s cheek, the other boy jumping slightly at the unexpected contact before curling into the touch.

“What’s up?” Rin asked, eyes peaking open.

“Nothing.” He grinned.

“You sure?” He questioned, moving his face slightly to kiss Nitori’s palm.

“Yeah just… I feel safe around you.” He admitted.

Rin wasn’t sure how to respond to that so instead he pulled the other boy closer, holding his body flush against his own, nose buried deep in his neck.

“I love you.” Rin whispered.

“I love you too.” He smiled, the first full, genuine smile he’d had in a long time.

He knew the scars would never fade, both on his body and his mind, but now that he had finally entered the light at the end of the tunnel they didn’t seem so harsh anymore.

Nitori let his eyes flutter closed, tightening his hold on Rin as he fell asleep with his love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sequel? Perhaps? Looking at how Nitori and Rin’s relationship progresses? Momo and Sousuke making an appearance? Maybe? I don’t know!

**Author's Note:**

> I know you're probably thinking the whole Nitori dating someone pushy and abusive is overdone but I really wanted to give it shot so let me know your thoughts :)
> 
> Good? Bad?
> 
> Also I was debating about names between the name I gave it or Share Your Pain. What do you think? Or do you have your own suggestions? I'm not sure what to call it really so any help will be appreciated :)


End file.
